How To Change Your Life | Chapter 1 | Notes From A Friend | Tony Robbins

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All right. Or what's that? VIP program, effortlessenglishclub.com. Today's topic, how to change your life, how to change your life when your life is not going well.

When you feel depressed, when you feel sad, when you feel hopeless. When you feel overwhelmed, when you feel your life is a failure, right, when you are down, how do you change?

It's, you know, if you're happy and energetic and enthusiastic and super motivated, Then maybe changing seems easy or continue because you're already succeeding.

It's easier to just continue succeeding, right? But what about when you're not, right? This is the really challenge is when you're feeling depressed and sad, your emotions are down.

This is where we start to feel helpless sometimes, and it feels like change is impossible. Sometimes it feels like improving, succeeding in some part of life.

Oh, it's. It's just impossible, it's too much, I'll never do it. Well, that's our topic today. We're continuing our book club, Tony Robbins' Notes from a Friend, is the book.

Tony Robbins' Notes from a Friend, and today is chapter one , How to Change Your Life. So let's jump in. I will talk about the topic first, and then we'll go to live questions and comments.

So here we go. Let me just put my, if you're watching on video, You can see it on the screen. There we go. I'll change the cameras. Okay. Let me just move something on my screen here. Here we go.

Feeling overwhelmed, how to turn it around. This is chapter one, Tony Robbins' book, "Notes from a Friend." Feeling overwhelmed, how to turn it around. So overwhelmed

is, means too much. Feeling too much, right? And it's kind of in a negative way . It means you feel like your problems, you have too many problems, too many difficulties. I'm overwhelmed, I can't handle it,

I don't know what to do, I'm, it's too much, I can't succeed, I can't change, it's too much. That's feeling overwhelmed. How to turn it around, right?

Turn it around means go a different direction. So you feel overwhelmed. You feel like your life is terrible now or not good now. How do you change that?

Turn it around completely. Completely change it. Okay, so that's our topic. Let's go into it now. So the chapter begins, he said, often in life events occur that we truly cannot control.

So this is a good point number one. Because I think sometimes with self-help books and self- help, I don't know, videos. In positive thinking, they ignore this fact that it's true.

There are many, many, many things in the world we cannot control. Bad things happen. They happen in our personal life, and they happen in, you know, just the world in general, right?

So that's true. There's a lot of things we can't control, so bad things can happen, and we cannot stop them. That's absolutely true. It's a tough truth, right?

So he gives some examples. Maybe the company were working for downsizes and we get laid off. This word downsize means they're cut employees, right? They're trying to cut their expenses so they fire people

basically. But they don't fire them because they're bad workers. They fire them just to save money. And sometimes that happens. That happens to a lot of people.

People have jobs. They think they're safe. The job is safe. And then they get suddenly, the company cuts them. can't control that. Another one: our spouse leaves us, our

spouse's husband or wife. Sometimes that happens. Of course, there can be causes, but sometimes maybe you are a very good wife or a very good husband, but your spouse leaves anyway.

Maybe they're not so good, they're not loyal or whatever reason, and sometimes you can 't stop somebody. If they want to leave, they will leave. So this is also very, very hard to

depressing. A family member becomes ill, could become sick, or someone close to us dies . And this has happened to me in the last year. And I think it's going to be happening

to a lot of people soon. Obviously, if this has happened to you already, then you know, it's very, very, very hard indeed. Again, out of our control. And so he just kind of, and he keeps listing a few more. So

sometimes these things happen, we can't control them, and they are very, very tough. Very, very hard to deal with. This is just a truth of life. Okay, and then he gives another example.

And this is probably, this one is very common. He says, maybe you had the experience of trying everything you knew to get a job or to help a family member

or to find your soulmate, right, to find a husband or wife. Or just feel happier, but nothing seemed to work. When we try a new approach, we try our best, but we still fail to reach our goal,

often we are afraid to try again. This is a really important statement because this is so, so common. I think there are two things that are common. One, people

who never try anything, They're so afraid to fail, they never try. That's maybe the Biggest group, and then the next biggest group is like this . It's people who try one time.

They try something new. They try a different strategy. They try a different method one time, but they fail. And then they're afraid to try again. So one failure, and they say, oh, I'm not doing that again.

Right? And he says, why do people do this? Because nobody likes pain, nobody wants to fail again, it's painful to fail. Nobody wants to try really hard and then be disappointed.

And he says, if this happens to you a few times, more than one time, then it's easy to become disappointed and stop trying, right? Sometimes people might try three, four, five, six times

to do something, to achieve something, to have some success or change, and they fail, they fail, they fail, they fail, and then And they just quit trying.

And this is called learned helplessness. It's you believe that you are helpless. You believe you are powerless. There's nothing I can do. I cannot succeed in this area of my life.

I'm helpless. You learn this. He says the good news is you're wrong. You're wrong. You're not helpless. You can succeed. You absolutely can. So next he talks about this very important thing.

This is a very common Tony Robbins phrase. He's got these little phrases, you know, they're easy to remember. And this is one he says all the time, and it's very true.

Your past does not equal your future. Your past is not your future. Your past does not equal your future. It doesn't matter in the past. Maybe in the past you were weak, weak, weak, weak.

physically weak, I mean, like, you can't lift, you're very skinny and no muscles, and you're very, very, very weak, right? I mean, your whole childhood, your whole life until now,

does that mean your future, you must also be weak? No, it does not. You can get stronger. You can. Your future can be very different than your past. This is important to remember because we get stuck.

We focus too much on our past, and we think that automatically, Well, I've always been weak, so that means I will be weak in the future too. Right? But if that's not true, I've always been poor,

so I will be poor in the future too. It's not true. I've always been unhappy, that means in the future I'll be unhappy too. Not true. Past does not equal your future.

Persistent, oh, sorry. Next page. Persistence pays. Many people tell me this, I'm reading from the book. Many people tell me I have tried millions of ways to

succeed and nothing works, or I've tried thousands of ways. He says, but think about it. Probably they have not even tried hundreds of ways. Most people have tried maybe eight, nine, or ten ways to

make a change, and when they fail, they quit. And I think Tony's being optimistic. I think most people don't even try eight times. I think most people try one or two times at most.

And if they don't succeed, they quit. And I've done it too in different areas of my life. I've tried once or twice, and then I just, ah, it's not working.

So we all do this, I think. But he says the key to success is to decide what's most important to you and then. Then take massive action each day to make it better.

So this is the simple formula, massive action each day. So both those things are important. Massive means big, big, big action, a lot of action, right? So not just thinking, not just dreaming, you have to do,

you have to do things. And then, oh, excuse me, spring, there's some allergies. All right, and the second part is each day. Each day means every day, every single day.

So it's not enough to take a lot of action one day and then do nothing the next day. You have to do it every single day, a lot of action, a lot of action, a lot of action,

every day, every day. Next he tells the story of Colonel Sanders, kind of famous story. Colonel Sanders is the guy who founded KFC, Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is now a big

international company owned by Pepsi actually now, but anyway. But Colonel Sanders was fairly old when he started this or when he grew the company. I don't know when he started it, but when he really grew

the company and made it into a very big, big successful company and became rich, he was 65 years old, right? And that's quite different. Most people, most entrepreneurs, if you look at

most people who become very rich and build a big business, they usually do it when they're much younger, 30s and 40s maybe, right? They start, but he was 65.

So already quite different. And he was kind of broke. So he asked, what could I do that would be valuable to other people? And he said, I have a great chicken recipe.

So he went around trying to sell his chicken recipe, Trying to build this. company, and he tried. He said, so according to this story, he was refused one thousand and nine times before he heard his first yes.

So over one thousand rejections. He was trying to sell, right, his idea, his formula, his recipe for chicken and a thousand people said no. That's persistence. So what's the point of the story? The

point of the story is that, you know, someone finally said yes and he became very successful and very rich. But the point is how many people would continue

without quitting after a thousand times hearing no, no, no, no, no, right? Most of us would quit after maybe ten times, right? A few people might do a hundred, but almost nobody would

keep. Keep going after hearing no one thousand times. That's a huge amount of rejection. And what this shows is that Colonel Sanders was super persistent.

Persistent means you keep going, you keep trying, you keep trying, you never quit. You never, it doesn't matter. Fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail. You keep going, you keep trying, you keep trying, you keep

trying. And persistence is a superpower for sure. Persistence, many people will succeed simply because of persistence. Even though they're not so smart,

even though they're not the best at something, they don't have the best skill, but just because they refuse to quit and they will just keep going and going and going and going and going and going and

going until they succeed. And this is very powerful. It's not easy though, but it's powerful. Okay. Next, Tony talks about how you need to see your problem.

So how do you develop this persistence? How do you not quit? How do you not become overwhelmed? How do you not become depressed when something in your life is not good?

He says one thing you need is what we call perspective in English. It means you need to realize whatever problem you have, Any problem you have, it does not affect your entire life.

Right. In most cases, there might be a few exceptions to this, but he says no problem is permanent. No problem affects my entire life. This too shall pass if I continue to take massive,

positive, constructive action. So this is a belief he created for himself. Now, there might be a few exceptions to this. You know, in terms of like physical.

uh physical problems or disabilities or something where i think clearly they can be permanent but um but even then we have some pretty amazing stories of people who

have had just some very serious physical problems but they still have lived a great life you know that they they always have the problem the disability but they learned to make you know so for

example someone cannot walk and they're in a wheelchair Right, they're paralyzed. So yeah, maybe they never will walk again. This could be permanent, but they still manage to, you know, they get their

wheelchair and they start exercising and maybe they do races, wheelchair races, or maybe they focus on their mind more and they do amazing things, you know, with their mind

and working with more, you know, more mental work or whatever, right? They find they can still have great, amazing lives, in other words, and be great, amazing people.

That's his point. So, he says, number one, you should focus on gratitude. If you have a problem now, and most of us do not have that serious level of problem,

right? Like, for example, most of us are healthy physically, right ? Most of us can walk. Most of us are not in wheelchairs. We forget that that's an amazing, wonderful thing.

That's an amazing, wonderful thing. We forget to be grateful for our health until we don't have it, right? We forget to be grateful that we do have a body that's working, that

we can get up and walk and run. Some people can't. And we forget that we may have, you know, several people in our lives that love us and care about us. You know, maybe you don't

have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a husband or a wife, but you might have a parent, a mom or a dad or a brother or a sister or a cousin or friends who care about you.

You and you care about them. You're not totally, completely alone. We forget to be grateful for those people because it's too easy to focus on the problems.

I'm poor, I don't have any money. It's no fun to be poor and not have money. But we should not focus on the problem only. We have to remember, there are also a lot of great things happening in our lives

, a lot of great, wonderful, beautiful things in our lives. And step one is to be very grateful for what we do have. Maybe you don't have money, maybe your financial life is

terrible, but be grateful for the other things. Or maybe your health is not good, but your financial life is good. So we don't ignore the problems, we don't pretend they're not there.

Of course, they're difficult and they're real, but don't forget to also be grateful for what we have already. And then step two, focus on the solutions.

You've got this is how you stay. persistent. Don't keep complaining about the problem and just focusing, "Oh, I'm poor, I'm poor, I'm poor." Yes, you're poor. You

only need to say it one time. Okay, you acknowledge, you accept the truth of the problem. Then all your energy needs to focus on solutions. You don't say, "Why am I poor?" That's focusing

on the problem. You say, "How can I make more money? How can I become rich? How can I be financially independent ? How can I be financially free? How can I improve my financial situation?

All of these are better questions. All of these questions focus on solution, making things better. This will change your mind to something more positive, and then you have to take

action. It's not enough just to ask the questions. You think of an idea and you try it, and you think of another idea and you try it, and you keep going.

Another thing he talks about is you have to understand lag time. Lag time, that when you get frustrated, and this is hard to do, but it's important. When you take action, don't expect quick results.

Don't expect immediate improvement or results because there's a lag time. It means there's a delay, a delay in anything, right? If you start investing now, saving your money now,

you won't be a millionaire tomorrow, right? It's not going to happen, it's going to take time. In fact, for the first couple of years, maybe you feel like not much is happening.

If you're trying to lose weight, lose fat, get in better shape, be healthier, be stronger, it won't happen in one day. It won't happen in one week. In fact, if you go work out, you go to the gym and you work

out hard, or you go outside and run hard, the next day you'll probably feel worse. The next day, immediately, you'll feel worse. You're gonna feel tired.

Muscles are going to hurt because you're not used to it. So, you know, in the short term, actually, it can feel like things are getting worse. So you have to remember this and keep going.

And he uses the example of planting seeds, like growing corn, growing rice, growing anything, right? You plant the seeds, they don't grow immediately in one day .

It takes time. You've got to keep, they need sunlight and water and, right , And it takes time, but eventually they do. So you've got to plant the seeds, and then you need some

faith. You have some faith that I planted the seeds, I'm watering them, they're getting sunlight, they're going to grow. They will eventually grow, right?

So it's the same thing. If you're trying to get healthier, you start exercising. Let's say you just start jogging. You jog, and the next day you feel tired and your muscles

hurt. You go for a walk. Then the next day you jog again and just keep jogging, keep jogging, and you think, okay, nothing's happening in the same way, nothing's happening yet, but you

have to have faith and keep going because then after one month or two months or three months or five months, you will start to see those results. The seeds need time to

grow. The seeds are your actions. Every time you take action, it's like planting another seed , planting another seed, planting another seed and watering them and giving them sunlight. And then you've

got to have The faith that this eventually will work, that's what keeps the persistence going, that faith. So he says, my message, this is the end of the chapter,

says my message to you is simple, and in your heart you know it's true. Massive, right? Massive means a huge amount, a lot. Massive consistent action,

consistent means you do it every day. Massive consistent action with pure persistence, Persistence, you don't quit. And a sense of flexibility in pursuing your goals

will ultimately, will finally give you what you want. But you must abandon, you must get rid of any idea that there is no solution. So you must not be helpless. You must get rid of this idea

and it's, oh, it's helpless, there's no chance. Wrong. So you need massive action. You got to do massive action every day. And he mentions there and there a little flexibility.

It means if you're trying something, trying something, trying something, and after a while it's still not working, then you need to maybe just change your methods a little

bit. Don't quit, just change what you're doing. Like some of you, maybe you studied grammar, studied grammar, memorizing grammar rules, and that was your focus in school for English.

And then finally you realize this is not really working. I still can't speak. So then you start to do other things. Maybe you find effortless English, you start focusing on

reading and on listening more and chatting with people in like real world English. And then you get results. All right. So all in all, a very nice chapter.

All right, let's get into our comments and questions live. Okay. Hey Vladislav, Vladislav says Hawking, talking about Stephen Hawking, it's also a position in jujitsu.

Most of his life was in a wheelchair from his 20s to his 70 s, but he managed to become a great famous physicist, studied black holes. Exactly, he focused on what he was good at.

That's a nice point too, focus on what you're good at. So often we focus on what we're not good at and kind of cry about it and complain about it. You know, we focus on our weaknesses.

instead of focusing on our strong points and developing them. And that's a really good point. So if Hawking, Stephen Hawking could have just complained his whole life

that he, I'll never be a marathon runner, for example, right? I'll never be a marathon runner. I'll never be a great athlete. I can't ever play basketball.

I can't play soccer. He could have just focused and complained about that his whole life and done nothing and just been depressed, right? I mean, all those things are true, would have been true,

but he would have created a miserable life. But instead, he focused on his strong points, which was his mind and his interest in science. And he obviously realized that he was good at science

and good at physics. And so he, by focusing on that instead of his problems, he focused on that. He became a very quite famous physicist and a very successful physicist, right?

So it's a good example. of being grateful for what you do have and being persistent and focusing your persistence where you are strong. We all have weak points, right?

I'll never play in the NBA, right? Play professional basketball. No chance. I never would have. I'm too short. Too short, too small. Don't, I'm not, I just don't have the physical body to do

it. So this is something also that's important to realize that Sometimes we need to be really honest about our goals and and ask ourselves, you know, you know, we all have limits.

Am I, can I, is this an area where I truly am strong and have some ability or some potential, right? And we all have many areas in life where we have great potential

and we all have some areas in life where we don't, right? Like Michael Jordan, probably, could not have been. Become a great famous physicist, so good points.

Okay. Beverly Villalobos says, Hi, Jay, nice to hear you live streaming from, uh, I can't tell which flag that is, but watching from Italy. Nice. Okay, May says, that's what I feel right now. So when I

hear the topic, AJ Hooks talks about this life. I feel more comfortable, even though I know everybody will face difficulties in life. And so all the flowers and everything in spring coming,

and so I'm sneezing a little bit. Sorry, guys. Yeah, Vladisov, again, with a good point. You should not just try and fail. You should think to change something.

Right. You need to learn from your failures. Very important because if you just do a thing the same way, it's likely you'll fail again. This doesn't work.

Exactly. Good point. So persistence works when you learn. You keep trying something, but you also, after you fail, you need to ask, why did I fail? And then try something a little different.

I'll give you an example from jiu-jitsu because I love jiu- jitsu. And I feel that often sports examples are very obvious, very clear. I don't know why sometimes when we talk about

Language or other things, people get confused. But if you compare it to sports, most people, oh yeah, I understand. So I'm trying this new technique in jiu-jitsu.

It's an escape, right? And I know it works because lots and lots and lots of people use it, different body types. I know it's a good escape, a good technique.

But so I kind of watched a video how to do it. And then I went in sparring and I tried to do it and I failed. Like, I try a, you know, I thought I was doing it

correctly, but I try it. So then I do it. Next fight, I try it again, I try it again, I try it again, I keep trying it. But afterwards, you know, after that day of practice, I walk

home and I'm like, why didn't it work? What was I doing wrong, man? And then this is how, this is the important part. You've got to think about it. If you fail and then you just get depressed,

you won't learn, you won't get better. If I could have just gone home kind of like in a bad mood and say, Oh, it failed. Doesn't work, I'm not doing that again, right?

And then I never would learn, I would never improve, right? Or I could just say, I don't know, I failed. And then next time try exactly the same thing again, and then it would fail again.

And then try exactly the same thing again and just keep doing it exactly the same and failing every time. And I would just always fail and never improve, right?

So I could quit and cry about my failing or you could just keep doing the same thing. That doesn't work, but what you need to do is examine your failure, look at it,

and then think, well, what could I try differently? How could I improve? So this is what I would do. I'd walk home, and I'd think like, well, what's happening?

This is the first question, a good question to ask when you fail. What happened? Like, what exactly happened? Right? Because sometimes we don't, we fail.

That's very general. Why did you fail? So I think, why did I fail? Why wasn't it working? I know, you know, why wasn't it working? And I thought, well, maybe my arm position's wrong

or maybe I'm doing it too slowly or I had some ideas. So I thought, all right, next time I'll try to go faster and next time I'll try to, I'll change my arm position.

And I went back and I tried both those things and still didn't work. Still failed again, again, again, again, again. So I didn't quit though. I didn't quit.

I just thought, well, what am I doing wrong? And then sometimes what do we need to do? We need to get help. Sometimes you need help. Sometimes it helps to ask somebody

who is better than us. You can do this by going, like, I could go back and watch videos. Or if you actually know somebody, you can ask them. Luckily, I know somebody. I have an instructor.

So I asked my instructor. I said, I'm working on this. I watched the videos. It's not working. So then he said, okay, show me how you're doing it. And I tried it, and it failed. And he said, oh, okay.

I see what you're doing wrong, right? And then he showed me a couple points. He said, okay. to change he did change your arm position a little more and

then try this and he gave me like two three points to try so then the next time um which was yesterday i tried it again started working started succeeding not perfectly but

definitely starting to work i start feeling ah start feeling and so now it's getting better right so what will i do next time i practice jiu-jitsu i'll keep trying that escape that technique again i'll try it

again, keep getting the feeling for it. And if I still have any little troubles, you know, I'll keep asking myself, okay, it's definitely much better now, but you know, it's not quite

perfect yet. So what can I do? And I'll keep trying and trying and trying. And if I need to, I'll ask him again. I'll ask my instructor or I'll watch some more videos

and gradually I will get better and I'll get become very good at this escape. I know because I have used this same strategy to learn other techniques.

successfully, right? So it's the same, this is the same process for anything, not just jujitsu, not just English, anything, right? You've got to keep trying, keep trying, but you

must examine your failures. Failing is fine. You're going to fail a lot. It's 100% normal. It's just you've got to learn from your failures. This is the key point.

Just learn and then try something else next time. Try to improve it. Uzmanoff Dilmurad says, I've been doing gardening while listening to your podcast.

Oh, to one of your podcasts named The Benefits of Fasting. We are fasting nowadays in Ramadan. Great. I always listen to your podcast. You help me a lot. Thanks.

Yeah, all you guys who are fasting now for Ramadan, Go find my old, some of my old podcasts because I have a few podcasts about fasting and the benefits of fasting.

It'll give you that, you know, extra good feeling about what you're doing. Happy fasting, everybody who's fasting now. Hindi says, one and a half years ago, I couldn't, could not

make a simple conversation. Now I can speak English fluently and naturally. Thank you, AJ, for your Power English course and other courses. They are quite helpful.

You're welcome and congratulations for your success. That's great. Okay. to me because I translate to English from Spanish when I speak English. She wants me to speak like a native,

in a native way living in a Spanish country. Well, that's unrealistic. I mean, look, maybe you will someday, but it takes a lot of time to get that level, right?

It takes time. So, yeah, a teacher to be pressuring you to do that and complaining, I think, mate, can you find another teacher? Try to find a different teacher.

You're listening to my podcast in English, 100% English. Your writing in English is very good. It sounds like you're communicating in English, doing a great job.

So you're doing great. Just keep improving, right? Little by little, little by little, you improve, you improve, you improve. You cannot jump immediately

thinking in English totally like a native speaker. That takes a lot of hours, right? So that's crazy that she's pressuring you and complaining like. like that, that you, I don't like it, I don't like it.

This is why I don't like schools, you know, this is this mentality, this mindset is so common. Making the students feel bad because they're not perfect.

Of course you're not perfect. You're doing great, you're doing great. Don't worry about it. If you need to translate right now, if you're, of course, you're going to do that for a while, it's going to take you

a while, right? And then you're going to, Then you'll start learning some phrases in English that will kind of pop out, right, without translating. They'll just be natural.

Not everything you say, just a few phrases or even just words. And then little by little, that becomes more and more and more and more, okay? But it seems like you can communicate in English quite well

. You should be happy about that. Okay, Sangyogita Tiwari says life is... Uh, very fair with us. Sometimes if we don't learn from our mistakes, then time repeats those things again in our life to teach

us and make us perfect in all situations to deal with. Well, indeed, this does tend to happen, right? That some things in life, if we avoid them, then they come back again, right? Until we figure them out.

This can happen. Someone's asking, am I sick? No, it's flower season in Japan, right? Sakura, the tree. So, you know, pollen is the stuff that comes out of flowers

, because it makes you sneeze sometimes, right? I'm not sick. Yeah, Bilal says, focus on your strengths and develop them. I think this is a, yeah, I think it's a very good point

that it's good, it's fine to improve our weak points somewhat, you know, especially if they're causing us problems, right? If they're causing us a lot of problems, then we need to

deal with them. But in general, for success in something, the best strategy is usually to focus on our strong points. Yeah, you may need to improve your weak points a bit,

but most of your success will come from your strong points. Like, again, we see this in athletics, right? In sports a lot. If someone's very, very tall

for example, well, probably that's a strong point for basketball. So probably riding a horse, like racing horses, is not a strong point. It's a very big weak point.

So they're probably better to focus on the strong point, do something where being tall is helpful if they want to do some kind of sport, right? Instead of crying, I can't ride horses professionally.

Well, no, but you can be a basketball player. You might be able to be an American football player. Might be able to play soccer in some positions. So, it's just good to focus on, you know, if you're

an extrovert and you love talking to people, then use that. If you're an introvert, you love reading, use that. You know, they're both strong points if you use them correctly.

Vladislav says, the Russian singer Genia Lubitsch, I'm sure I'm saying the name wrong, has a song. in English called Try Again. Oh, it's in English. You can

find and listen to the song she encourages you to try one more time. Yes. And Max Saylor, constant and never-ending improvement. Right, again, that's another Tony Robbins phrase,

constant and never-ending improvement. And the idea of that , constant and never-ending improvement, it comes from a Japanese word, kaizen. And the idea is you're always improving,

But the important part of that idea is that the improvements are tiny. Each improvement is very, very, very small. So you don't try to suddenly make a huge, big improvement.

Instead, the idea, the strategy is each day make a tiny little improvement. It's very, very tiny, right? So again, using my jujitsu example with that technique, I did not

suddenly become a master. of the technique, right? But that I do. Maybe I got a little better, but still failed. I failed the first time, totally failed.

Like nothing, like I couldn't move. And maybe the next time I'll try something else and I move a little bit, but still I cannot get out. An escape is when you get out,

you get away from the other guy. I can't get away from him, he's still grabbing me. Like, ah, okay, but it was a tiny improvement. I still stuck. It still failed overall, but I did a little better.

So that's still a tiny improvement, right? And then I try something else, and oh, I move a little more . I get a little bit better. Still failing, but not as bad, right?

And then that's the idea. You keep doing that, and after a month or whatever, it depends on what you're trying to do, you will start to get maybe a small improvement.

And this is what happened to me yesterday. I got out against some of the guys who are smaller than me. I did it, but against a guy who was much bigger than me, I got out mostly, but not completely, kind of half success.

But that's still much better than last week, right? And then I'll keep trying this week. And I, you know, I'm very persistent now in jiu-jitsu, so if I want to, if I'm working on a technique,

I will just keep doing it until I get decent, you know, until I can succeed and do it fairly well. And for me in jiu-jitsu, that usually takes quite a long time.

Uh, like I can't just do it in a few times, in one week. I usually need weeks and weeks and weeks, sometimes months and months and months for some things, until I can do them.

And there's still things, there's some things I'm trying in jiu-jitsu, six months later, I'm still not good. I'm better. I've had some small improvement, but I'm still not good

compared to other people. Oh, well. Yeah. Oylana Collins says, "Hi, Jay, what would you recommend to a kid who failed again and again at some activity?

Continue and try to overcome the failure or just drop it?" This is a good question too, because some things, sometimes we should just quit. And I think Tony in the beginning of this chapter gives a

nice, In a very short little thing, little phrase, I think he gives us the answer to that. It's my answer. And here's the key phrase. Decide what's most important to you.

So this is where you have to ask the question, should I quit or should I keep trying and trying and trying and trying? Is this important to me? How important is it?

For my happiness, for my life, that's the key. So if it's something like, let's say, I'll give you an example for me, music. I tried music a few times, several times I've tried to

learn to play guitar, bass guitar when I was a kid, trumpet, because I thought it'd be fun and cool, you know. And I finally quit and I just stopped trying because,

number one, I feel it's kind of a weak point. I do not have a natural music ability. And I asked myself, is this really important to me? Is music really important to me to play music?

And I decided it's not, not at all. It sounds kind of fun. It seems cool. It'd be cool to play a guitar really well. But to do that requires, you know,

a huge number of hours and several years of lots of practice. And I realized I really don't care about it enough to do that. I don't enjoy it that much doing it.

are care about it, it wasn't so important to me. And so if something's not so important and you don't really enjoy it, yeah, maybe just quit. It's fine to try a lot of things

and you don't have to do everything, become a master at everything you try. And it's totally fine to try a lot of things and maybe most of them you quit

eventually because you realize, eh, this is not really for me. Right? That's probably most things. I think it's totally fine. And for kids, that's even more true.

Kids need to try it. They don't know. They're young. They don't have much experience in life. So, you know, maybe they try soccer. And maybe a lot of their friends play soccer and soccer.

Maybe they're Brazilian. Soccer is like a religion, right? It's crazy. Oh, soccer, soccer, soccer. So they try it, but they're not good at it. They try again and they fail, they try again, they fail,

they try again, they fail, they try again and they fail. For whatever reason, um, well, then it's totally fine for that kid to ask, do I really like soccer?

Am I really, do I really enjoy it? Is this really important to me in my life? Do I need this or really want it? If the answer is yes, for some reason,

keep trying, try again. But try something new. Try a different team, try a different coach, try different practice methods, try a different position. On the other hand, maybe the answer is no.

You know, honestly, I don't really even like soccer. This happened to me with baseball as a kid. I played baseball as a kid for several years as a, you know , small kid.

And it was fun, just fun. Just liked it, just played it for fun, was on a team and everything. Great. I was pretty good at four my age, right? Meaning, you know, like, you know, 12 years old, I was

pretty good at baseball, but not great. But then, you know. So middle school came and everything, you know, sports can, especially team sports, can become quite serious middle school, high school age,

teenage years. Suddenly it's not just fun, right? They really care about winning and becomes very competitive . And at that point, I realized I'm not that great at

baseball. Like my skill, there were a lot of, at that point, some guys were training so seriously that I wasn't so good anymore. I was maybe kind of below average at that point.

And I thought, oh, like, do I want to keep doing baseball? Am I enjoying it now? Not really. I wasn't enjoying it anymore. It was getting too serious.

And I wasn't that good. And I didn't really care about it that much. It wasn't important to me to be great at baseball. So I just stopped playing baseball at that point.

And I'm still happy I played when I was young. It was fun. So that's Ilanakan. I can't give you the exact answer. I can only say. That the child needs to, it's really up to the child

and you can help them with this decision to figure out, is this important to me? Now, some things are quite important for us. Like, if you're, like I'll give you another example from my

life about money and financial freedom. For, I tried for twenty, twenty-two years. I was poor and very unhappy working jobs and trying to find an answer.

I thought, first I thought that maybe there's some job out there in the world that I will like and I'll be happy, and there was not. Working for someone else, meaning

I finally realized I can't, working for other people, I'm miserable. So then I tried to kind of do my own business, kind of selling some stuff, And then the first one failed. And then I finally tried to

Again, effortless English, and it succeeded, okay? And I tried so many things. I lived in a car, I lived in a van, I tried so many things. I was super persistent for 20 years, over 20 years,

trying to find a way to be financially independent, meaning not work a job. I hated jobs. So that one, I failed and failed and failed. That's a lot of failure, 22 years of failure,

and being unhappy. But I asked my question, is this important? Yes, it's important. Why is it important? Because I'm super unhappy. So I can't quit. If I quit, I'll just continue to be miserable and unhappy

forever. I'm like, I'm not, I will not quit if I will keep trying till the day I die, because I must try to be happier in this part of my life, because this is such a big part of life.

It was eating up too many hours of my life. That's why I hated it. I don't like this. I have a lot of other things I want to do. So, persist. I tried for a very long time and failed and failed

and failed and failed and failed until finally succeeding. So you see the difference, right? Between guitar, eh, I don't care really. It's kind of fun, but I,

but I failed. So what? It wasn't important. Succeeding financially was very important. And so I kept going for 22 plus years and had massive persistence in that area,

huge amount of action, and I just would not stop. And sometimes I did feel depressed many times, but I just would not quit because it's just because of pain.

I didn't, the pain of failure was so big that I'm like, I can't fail. I got to keep trying. Ah, ah. Yeah, Carlos Freta said, I changed my life when I changed my way of thinking.

Before I was afraid to be judged by people, criticized, but when I understood that it made me a slave in many spheres of life, I got the power to change.

Well said. Sometimes what makes us quit or what keeps us slaves, or why we don't try something different, Why we don't keep going is this fear of other people's

opinions. They'll criticize us. They'll think we're crazy. They'll think we're stupid. They'll think we're foolish. But Carlos is exactly right. That means you're a slave to them.

You're a slave to their opinion. You are suffering in your life. You're failing in your life . Why? Because of their opinion? Like, yeah, exactly. And when you realize that really deeply and you say,

I don't care anymore. Um, very powerful. Like, this happened to me, I don't know when it happened to me, long ago. Ha-ha. I realized I don't care. Who cares what they think?

I fail. So what if I fail? People thought I was crazy. People did think I was crazy with some of the things I did. People thought I was crazy living in my car.

They, a lot of people thought I was crazy. Why are you doing that? That's crazy. Isn't, aren't you uncomfortable? I mean, there, I mean, so many people, they were just,

I don't even know, crazy. They were just shocked. that I would live in a car. Why? Why? Because I don't want to pay rent. Why don't you want to pay rent?

Because I don't want to work full time. I want more freedom. If I have an apartment, I have to pay rent. It's expensive. If I have expensive rent, then I have to work

forty hours a week just to pay my rent and the power and the electricity. If I live in my car, I can work fifteen hours a week. And then I have a lot of time to relax and enjoy my life.

so that's That's why I lived in my car, and a lot of people criticized it and thought I was crazy. And who cares? It's my life. Arbia says, I'm thirty-four, it's too late to start again.

Ha-ha! You're crazy. I started at thirty-eight. I started my business at age thirty-eight, older than you are. I think I was living in my car at that age when I decided

to do it. And, ah, you're thirty-four is definitely not too late to start looking for a new career. Ha-ha-ha, funny. Thirty-four, come on, you're young.

You're young, you can change. I'm fifty-four. I'm fifty-four and I'll try new stuff all the time, right? In fact, this is sort of like a habit of mine in life,

is every about every two years, two to three, something like that. Every two to three years, I try something totally different in my life. Sometimes it's something more serious,

could be like a change of career. Now that I have my own company, I don't need to do that. So usually it's some hobby or sport. Like one year, I just decided I'm going to try to learn golf.

Why? Why not? The reason was my dad plays golf and loves golf. And I thought, I want to learn golf so I can play with my dad when I visit. That's all. So I learned to play golf badly, but I learned

I can play enough where I can go on a course and play, you know. And that was my only reason to do it. And it was totally new, very, very different. And, but why not? One year I learned to kite surf. I was

living in Hawaii. I was in my 40s, 40-something years old. And most, and I just decided, well, this is like the kite surfing capital of the world. It's one of the best places in the

world. kite surf so I'm gonna why not I'm gonna learn let's learn to try kite surfing and I tried it and I oh man that was hard to learn it was not easy I

failed and failed it took me I've told you like I've told this story before but I can't remember now but it was like almost 20 lessons until I could stand up and ride on top of the water by myself right with no one

helping so it was a lot of falling into the water at high speed It was a lot of that, a lot of crashing. And, but finally I did it and it was fun and it was really

cool to do that. And one year I learned scuba diving. What's the next one? I don't know. I think right now it's just Japanese language for me. It's Japanese.

I finally decided I need to focus, like really focus on learning Japanese and stop playing around. Uh, jujitsu. So, you know, a few years ago I decided to try jujitsu.

I started doing jujitsu at age 50, 51, age 51. Not common to start doing it. It's a hard sport. It's not easy. I'm the oldest guy at my gym. The oldest.

In fact, I was laughing just yesterday. We were training, and one of the guys asked. They were talking, and one of the guys was saying, kind of saying something about,

oh yeah, it's hard. I'm older. I'm kind of getting old, so you know, it's, it's, I need more energy. And I said, how old are you? And he said, 40. And I started laughing and I kind of joked.

I said, oh, you're so young. You know, you're 14 years younger than me. So don't have this mindset, this very dangerous, this idea, I'm too old to do something,

especially if you're in your 30s. Good Lord. Okay, but even if you're 60, it's crazy. So what? Look, we're here. We're living. We have this life is a gift.

Okay, and if you believe, and I believe, We're here for a reason, for a purpose, then we. We should use every minute we have here, and then we die, and you know,

what happens after that happens. But while we're here, don't waste it. Don't waste this great, beautiful opportunity. And so keep learning, keep trying, keep doing new things.

It doesn't matter your age. I don't care if you're 70, you can learn a new language. If you're 70, you can try a new sport. You can change your career or your job.

You can do all of that. You can keep learning, and you should. You know, I think absolutely keep living, keep living. Don't reach, people reach some age, they just have some

number in their mind, right? And everyone has a different number, a different idea. For some people, it's like this guy's 34, he says, good Lord, come on, that's so young.

That's crazy, right? But some people say 40, 50, 60, whatever, 70. There's some number in their head, and they think after that, then I stopped living,

I stopped learning, I can't change my life, everything. Right, the past equals the future. Right, I'm stuck. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Even if you have one more year to live, if you're 90 years

old, use it for something that's important to you. Hey, Ibrahim Ali, good to see you. Good morning, he says. Great to see you, and always good to see you. Always, always, always.

Omar says kite surfing. Yeah. I don't know if I can still do it now. It's been quite many years, but it was fun. Yeah, cool. Uzmanov. Dilmarad says, MMA fighters, mixed

martial arts, encourage me, encourage you to achieve your goal. They train hard for three or four months and fight. After that, they go on holiday. I think we went to achieve

something. We have to try hard for a while. Yeah, right. And you need rest. that you do right there needs to be some balance if you're going hard hard hard

hard, you need a rest period then. And you know, weightlif ters do this too. Powerlifters, people who are really serious into weight lifting, they don't just lift maximum every single day, right?

Because it'll destroy their body, right? So they kind of go up, go up, harder, harder, harder . They have a competition where they lift the most amount, right? Their maximum, they try. And

then after that, they drop down and they go easy, lighter weights for a while, right? And there's many systems for this. But the point is that rest is also part of this.

Okay, let's see. Samson having a problem. I cannot place an order on your VIP membership 10-day trial . Do you have support? Email, yeah, I'll put the support email here in the

comments. It's members at effortlessenglish.org dot o r g. It's just effortless English, so members at effortlessenglish.org. So it's different than what people expect sometimes.

Okay. Yeah, like Vladislav says, my grandfather gave up after the age of 80. My dad offered to help him exercise. He decided he was too old. Now he's 83, so weak he walks hardly at all.

He's weak and sick after three days, three years of being lazy. It doesn't take long. Ha-ha-ha. And this is at any age. Uh, now the good news is he could still turn it around.

And yeah, we all die, so of course we all die. He's going to die someday. I will, you will. But until then, keep moving, keep moving, keep moving as best you can.

And maybe you're 80, you can't do what you did when you were 20, right? But you can do something. You can go for a walk. You can lift weights. Maybe they're lighter weights, but you can still lift

weights of some kind. You can try to do push-ups, even if you're on your knees instead of full push-ups. So you got to keep, and this is true for your body and your

mind, keep using it. Keep living, this is the main point, as long as you're alive. Don't quit, right? We're gonna die. And when that happens, then we go on to the next thing.

But until then, keep living this life every minute and second you can, because eventually it does end, but don't end it before it really ends, you know?

So many people just go stop. It's crazy. I mean, he he he. You'll just enjoy it more, at least. I mean, if you need some motivation, I won't even give you some big,

deep philosophical, spiritual reason. I think there are some spiritual reasons for this. But a very practical reason is that it's more enjoyable to keep living,

to stay active with your mind and your body, to try new things, even whatever your age. It's more interesting. It's more fun. Your life will be happier.

That's a very simple motivation, a very basic motivation, and it's true. Right, I mean, like, ah, there's so many people my age, like 54, and they just sit around watching TV all day.

They go to work, maybe come home, watch TV. They don't do anything new. They never try anything new. It's boring, man, boring. I couldn't live like that. I can't live like that, and you shouldn't live like that

either, if you want to be happy. Push yourself to try things. Push yourself. Do something new. And this is different than the topic for today's chapter,

but I think it's a good, important point. Try something totally new and weird, something very different, something that you would think you'd never do, right?

Like kite surfing for me was totally different. I had never done any surfing, skateboard, nothing like that . And I just thought, I'm going to try it, why not?

And after that, when we moved to Japan, I tried snowboarding because it's kind of similar skill. Snowboarding was, was, uh, is actually easier than kite surfing.

So, um, we don't live where it snows, so I can, I only did it a few times, but again, totally new. And at that age, again, that was late, my late forties. I tried to, again, I started to not just try jujitsu, I

love jujitsu. So I started jujitsu at age 51 and, uh, I am still doing it . And I plan to do it until my body breaks until my body can 't do it anymore.

As long as I can. I don't know when that will happen. I know it'll happen at some point, but as long as my body can handle it, I will continue to do juj itsu.

And probably after I focus on Japanese for a few years, I 'll probably do something else. Try some, who knows what, I don't know. Just try something different.

Cool. Abdul Hamid says, Mr. Hug, my forte is creating short stories in English, horror and drama. Cool. My dream is to switch them into movies. Also cool.

I'm from Morocco and without doubt the USA is the right place for such industries. Yes and no, because I think that, you know, Hollywood is dying, thank God.

And I think the movie industry because of technology now, That it's becoming possible for people to make movies cheaper and cheaper and cheaper, and lots of more small independent movies.

And it's becoming much more spread out, not just controlled by Hollywood only, right, but different countries, different places. And so you could learn to make movies

using video quite cheaply and very independently. And yeah, your first few movies probably will be terrible at Reistock because you're just learning, that

's fine. But you've got your own stories. So then you change your, have your short stories, Make them into movie scripts, right? Change them into movie

scripts, and then just direct your own movies. Get a video camera and a computer so you can edit the video and maybe get some friends or find some actors somewhere.

Actors are cheap or free. Lots of people out there happy to do some acting for free if they can get in a movie , even a little tiny independent one. So, uh,

start doing that. There's some cool stories about people who've done this Very, very, very, very cheaply. What's his name, Rodriguez? What's that guy's name?

His very famous Mexican director, who then he made a movie very, very, very, very cheaply with video. Why am I forgetting the name of the movie? El Mariachi.

El Mariachi. Now later he made the movie again with Antonio Banderas with a big budget, But the original one was super, super, super, super, super low budget

that he made, I think, in Mexico. And it became successful. It made some money. I mean, not like Star Wars, right? But it was made some money, and then he could make another

movie. And now he's kind of like, you know, a fairly successful director. So good luck. Yeah. All right, I'll take a couple more and then time to go. Cristiano says, yes, AJ football is a national passion in

Brazil. Yeah, I know. I don't, unfortunately, I don't know, I mean, you know, I kind of know football, soccer, as we call it. But the Brazilian sport that I'm connected to is Brazilian

jiu-jitsu. So I know for most people, soccer is the bigger one for Brazil. Brazil is super famous for soccer, but people who do jiu-jitsu, Brazil is also very famous

for jiu-jitsu for good reason. Best podcast. People think when they are 30 or 40 years age , They still can go to college to find a job. Sure, why not?

Go to college if you're fifty, you can go back to school. And I don't recommend college in general, but you can certainly do it if you want to. And you definitely can change jobs, right?

You change, and not just jobs, change careers. You can do something totally different. I mean, I did that in my, you know, I don't know, like I was, how old was I?

Well, my first teaching job was age 27, 28, teaching English. But I didn't really do it seriously until I was in my 30s. So I didn't change, I was a social worker.

So, and then at age 38, I became an entrepreneur, right? I started my own business. So age 38, that was a big change. I had to learn business and all this stuff.

So yeah, you can change at any time. Just like, you know, you can learn languages. I always use Steve Kaufman as an example. He's such a great example that he's in his, I think he's 70

now, something like that. and he's still Learning new languages all the time. All right, I'll do one more and then time to go. Oh, by the way, before I take the last question,

we're still doing our challenge, our speaking challenge I mentioned. Begins April 20th officially, and now people are, a lot of people have already put their day one videos on the Gab site, right, our group,

our Gab group on social media, right, so just to join the challenge, you just, the first step is put your video on Gab, the Gab group. So two minutes or less just talking in English. If your

speaking is not good. Doesn't matter. It's okay. It's okay. My Japanese speaking also is bad, and I put my video on there. I was the first one. All right, so put your video on there and join us in this

challenge. It's going to be great. And the challenge, it's a conversation challenge. The goal, speak English as much as possible to other people . So not just alone to a mirror, that's okay.

But we're really focused on speaking to other people and, of course, improve our conversation ability in three months. So you'll make a new video after month one,

you'll make another video after two months, and then the final video, all of us will make our final video after three months. And we can compare day one video

and three-month video we should see some improvement Hopefully a lot of improvement. Okay. All right, I guess I'll take this last one. Why not? It says, okay, H. A.

Where did it go? Who there are buses? What about someone who's retired over age 65? What advice do you give us? Same advice. If you're retired and you have an income where you don't

need a job, man, that's great because now you have so much free time. So what happens when people retire? What have I seen? What have I noticed with people who have retired? At least

I'm talking about Americans, right? So, a lot of people sort of don't, they, they become kind of lazy and depressed. Not everybody, but some, but a good number, a lot of people

who retire, they're working their whole life, 65, something like that, 67, they retire, they stop working, and then they're just home all day, and they just sit

around, they watch TV, Maybe play golf sometime, maybe not. And they don't do much. They don't challenge their mind anymore. They don't challenge their bodies much anymore.

And they just, their energy starts dropping, dropping, dropping. And you actually find statistics about this, that quite a large percentage of people die

just a few years after retiring. It's kind of sad, right? And a lot of people just seem like they're not so happy there, they kind of stop. Living. So that's the negative path. Don't go that way.

That's the dark side. All right. The other path is that you've got all this free time. Well, you need to find new things to do because when you were working,

you were using that time at work. You were going to work. It's a lot of time. If you work full time, it's eight hours a day plus, you know, to get there takes time, maybe an hour to get

there, an hour to come back. So it's like ten hours a day. Suddenly, you're not doing that. You have ten extra hours a day. What are you going to do? And you've got,

hopefully, you know, some energy, more energy too. So that's great, but it can be a problem in the beginning. I had this problem when I first started my business. After maybe a year, I quit my job.

Well, actually, about six months I quit my job, and then I was working on the business, but much less. my job, I suddenly had all this free time. And yeah, in the beginning, I just was,

I did kind of just enjoy being lazy for a few months, right ? But then I started getting bored. So I need to do something. I don't just sit around in coffee shops doing nothing.

Um, and so that's when I started trying all these new things. And so that's what I would say if you're over 65 and you're retired, you see the opportunity and use the opportunity. So you've got to try things,

Try, try, try. Just get out there and try lots and lots and lots of new things, new hobbies. Learn languages. Maybe you're learning English. You could also try some other

languages too. You can try physical activity. Stay active physically. This is part of my advice, is that you should keep moving your body for sure. So find some sports or

physical activities. It might just be walking and hiking, right? But I've met a lot of people retired. Like when I was in Nepal, You're hiking in the mountains, and we met a few groups of

people who are retired, and they're on these big, long hiking trips all through the Himalayan mountains, right? So you could do that. You could try new sports.

You could try tennis, golf, jujitsu, whatever, anything. Swimming, triathlons, weightlifting, gymnastics, calisthenics, on and on and on. There's so many things you could try.

So I would say do physical things. So that can take up a couple hours every day. You have the time. You're retired. You've got the time now. You don't have to exercise super hard,

but you could go for a two-hour walk every single day if you want to, or two and a half hours, three hours. And while walking, you could be listening to language,

language learning, right? English podcast lessons or maybe other languages too. If you're retired, you've got enough time, you can learn two languages at the same time.

You could travel if you've got the money. Even if you don't have much money, you could travel locally and just in your own country around here, you know, even within your town. You could go for

long walks. You could try new skills. You could even try starting a little small business if you feel like doing a little work. Still, you could try to start a little

small business. Don't risk much money, but you could try something that doesn't need much money. There's so many things you could do, right? Alrighty then.

Alright guys, lots of love to you. Hope you enjoyed today's chapter. I will be busy the next few days. So no shows for the next few days, but hopefully maybe next

weekend. So probably about a week I'll be a little bit busy with some stuff with my family, and then after that. should be back, hopefully be back. Okay,

lots of love to you. Join our challenge. So get over to our Gab group and make your video and let's get talking in English. And join my VIP program at effortlessenglishclub.com. If you have any

problems, you know, email on our website. You can just see contact and you could say, I'm having a problem with the website and we'll help you. But definitely try the VIP program, effortlessenglishclub.

com. Let's love and see you again. Bye.