Finding Your Purpose: First Steps

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There's a kind of sickness, I'd say, in our modern world that a lot of people suffer from. A lot of people suffer from a feeling, a belief, that they have no purpose in their life.

No purpose. When people say, my life has no meaning, I think that's what they mean, really. I think what they're really saying is they feel their life has no purpose.

Yes, they have goals. Yes, they have activities and they do things. They may have different successes. There's not a feeling of a larger purpose. A lot of people struggle with this.

I know they struggle with this because I get this comment and this question on my gab and my Twitter, AJ Hogue. I get on both these comments many times. AJ, how do I find my purpose? AJ, I don't have a feeling of

purpose in my life? How do I find it? Or how do I create it? How do I decide what my purpose is? It's a big question in life. I think it's a question just based on reading older books and of course now, living now I think it's an issue and a problem that is much worse now.

Now this is a question that Men and women have asked themselves for thousands and thousands of years, of course. But I think they had less trouble with it in the past.

And then nowadays, so many people suffer from this. They seem so lost. And it's all ages. It's all ages. Now, I think young people particularly struggle with this.

When I say young people, I mean people in their teens and 20s, but even people in their 30s and 40s. And the truth is, a good number of people for their whole lives.

So right into their 50s and 60s and 70s and right up to the end, never feeling any sense in any belief, deep feeling of purpose. There are many ways to answer this question. In some ways, the book The Alchemist is about that question and gives some ideas about how to answer it and how to find it for you, for your life.

Today I'm going to give you something very practical, a very practical way to get started on this question or to find a at least an answer to this question.

There doesn't have to be just one, by the way. You can have several purposes in your life, through your whole life. You can have more than one, it's okay, but I think that a lot of people would be happy to just have one.

Because it's kind of a painful feeling, right? When you feel like, I don't have any feeling of purpose, I don't have any deeper meaning in my life. I've got all these nice things and I'm busy doing all these activities, but somehow they're not satisfying. There's something missing from it all.

We have all these cool toys and technologies and cell phones and video games and television shows and movies and clothes and all kinds of things. In terms of the material world, things, we have a huge abundance, a huge amount, clearly more than any time in human history that we know.

You are living in the most abundant time in human history. Abundant means having more than enough. More than enough. No humans ever had more than you and I have right now.

Not even kings, not even emperors, the great Roman emperors who ruled the Mediterranean. who had such incredible power and wealth. You've got more than them.

Even if you live in a basic apartment like I do, they didn't have central heating and air conditioning. They didn't have air conditioning at all. When it got really hot in the summer, guess what? They were hot.

You know, they could... try to go up into the mountains where it was cooler. They could, I don't know, pay somebody to wave a fan at them, but still not as nice, not as comfortable and convenient as electricity.

You just push a button and your room gets ice cold in the middle of the summer. Or, even more importantly, in the coldest day of winter, You push a button and your whole house or your whole apartment or your room gets nice and warm like summertime.

Those powerful, super rich kings and emperors, they couldn't just get on a plane and fly across the country thousands of miles or across huge oceans all around the world.

You can. Even if you don't have much money, you could get a job, you could save, and you could travel. Or you could get on a bus if you don't have much money. It's still much easier than what they had to do.

Even the kings, even the emperors, they had to get on a horse and ride and ride and ride for days and days and days and days. And they still could never go as far as you can.

Lights. Think about that. Lights. What did they do at night? They had to have candles. Not so easy to read by candles. You have to have a lot of candles to be able to read inside at night.

And they're a little dangerous, right? They can catch fire or lamps, oil lamps. That's another thing they had. You just, again, you push a button, you flick a little switch, and you...

In the middle of the night... Your room or your house can be bright like the middle of the day all night long if you want to. It's really amazing. Food.

Except for a few spots on the earth right now where there's usually some kind of war or extreme corruption. But for most of the earth, nobody's starving to death. Nobody's dying of starvation. Nobody is starving to death.

Large groups of people are not freezing to death. That happened thousands of years ago, and it was a lot more common. If you get sick, let's say, even worse, what if you have an injury and you break your arm?

Well, now you go to the emergency room or a doctor, and they'll They'll x-ray it and they'll fix it right up. And it's not fun to get a broken arm, I'm sure, but you're not going to die from it, probably. And it's actually pretty easily fixed now.

You know, think about 500 years ago or 1,000 years ago. It was a lot more serious, a lot more scary, a lot more dangerous. You can walk into a supermarket, a grocery store, and you have a huge choice.

A gigantic choice of foods often from all over the world now. You can get on the internet, click a button, and order something from the other side of the world if you like, and it will be brought to your doorstep, right to your door.

You live, if you just look at just the material, right? Just the material world, just of things, of comforts. You live better than the richest, most powerful kings and emperors.

Better than the pharaohs of Egypt. Better than the Roman emperors. Better than the Chinese emperors. Better than the Japanese shoguns. Better than all the kings of Europe.

Better than all of them. You have more available to you than they ever did. It's quite amazing, really. But do we appreciate it usually? Nah, we don't, because everybody else also has all of those things, too.

And the way we humans usually think is we're always comparing ourselves to others. Our neighbors looking around. So even though we have far more than the emperors and kings of the past, do we feel super rich? We don't, because we look at our neighbor and, oh, they've got a more expensive and nicer phone than I do.

Or they've got a bigger house than I do. Or a nicer car than I do. Or more money than I do. Or whatever. Nicer clothes. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. instead of appreciating this incredible wealth, and it is wealth, we are all wealthy.

If you look at it from history, instead of just your neighbors right now, we are all super rich. Every one of us living like a king. But this is the problem, in a way.

The problem with material things, material pleasures, material comforts, They're nice, and at a certain level, of course, they do make us happier. If you're starving to death and you get some food, you're a lot happier.

If you're freezing and you get some nice warm clothes, you're much happier. But, but, after those needs are met, more and more and more stuff doesn't really make you a lot happier. Just getting more, and then more, and then more, and then more.

Eventually, it just... You don't really appreciate it. It doesn't really add much to your life. Right? I mean, if you have one nice car, and you get a second nice car, does it make you happier?

Maybe a little. What if you get a third nice car? What if you buy 10 cars? What if you buy 20 cars? What if you buy 100 cars? Right? Does card number 100 make you just as happy?

It doesn't. Right? There's a limit. Because you just don't need it. It's far beyond your needs. That's why we have this dissatisfaction. Even though we live like kings and emperors,

We're not satisfied because what really gives us a feeling of satisfaction, deeper happiness, is not those physical pleasures and it's not those things.

You know, the psychologist Maslow wrote about this. He called it the hierarchy of needs. And at the bottom are the basic survival needs, right? You need food, you need shelter.

Of course, if you don't have that, you're going to be unhappy, probably. But once you have those, then you start to look for, naturally, as a human, things that are more internal, deeper, you know, social, emotional, mental, and ultimately spiritual.

And that's why this sense, sense is the idea of a feeling and a belief come together. This sense, this feeling, this belief of having a purpose in life, meaningful to you, meaning important to you, meaning it gives you a feeling of happiness, is so, so important.

And no amount of money or things or success... or pleasures, physical pleasures, none of that can replace that sense of purpose. And without that sense of purpose, all those things become less and less and less satisfying.

So how do you get it? Let's talk practical. Very practical. First I want to talk about a mistake, I think. A lot of people, especially younger people, but people in general,

when they start thinking about this, purpose, purpose, what's my purpose? And they start looking for a purpose. Or maybe they start trying to create a purpose for themselves. A big mistake people make is they start with something abstract.

They're looking for something abstract. Abstract means just only in your mind. Can't touch it, can't see it, can't hear it, can't feel it. In other words...

A lot of people, when they think of purpose, they think of an idea or a cause. And this is very dangerous, and it's also not satisfying. I'll give you an example that I don't like, as you probably know. Some people will say, my purpose is to help the communist revolution.

I will help the communist cause internationally. That's just an idea. There's no communism. You can't touch communism. You can't taste it. You can't hear it.

Right? Communism is just an idea. It's just a system of ideas of controlling and crushing other people, basically. Some people get all crazy about it and turn it into a religion, but they're miserable people.

When you meet them, they're such unhappy, mean, terrible people. Horrible people, because their whole cause, their whole purpose is to control other people.

They want total control over others. This is their idea. They think if they can finally achieve total control over everybody else, over all of society, over everything and everyone, then finally they, individually, can be happy.

That's just insanity. It's also evil. Other people look to other ideas or philosophies or things like that. Some philosophies, some ideas are quite positive and good and all of that.

But they also share the same problem of being abstract. And again, they're not so satisfying by themselves. Alone, they're not so satisfying. So when I say practical, here's what I mean.

Tangible means something you can touch, feel, see, hear. When you start looking for purpose, your first purpose... Well, first of all, purpose means to go beyond yourself.

Something bigger than just you. We live in what I would call a narcissistic age, meaning a very selfish age, time in history. We have all this stuff and things and money and wealth...

And what do we do? We just focus on ourselves only, selfish. Give me more, more, more, me, me, me, me, me, me. You know, there's the famous generation that...

grew up, kind of were teenagers in the 60s, my parents' generation. They're called the Me Generation, M-E, the Me Generation, because they were so selfish, so focused on themselves and just pleasure and having fun and all this stuff. Not every one of them, of course, but that was their nickname, at least in America. They're called the Me Generation because they're kind of narcissistic, very selfish.

Well, sadly, very sadly... Every generation after them is even more selfish and even more narcissistic. My generation, when I look around at those in my generation around my age, they're even more focused on themselves. And then the generation after mine, they're called the millennials, even more.

In fact, they're completely and totally narcissistic, selfish, small little people, a lot of them in America. So it's just gotten worse and worse. And are they happier, though?

Did it make them happier? Was my parents' generation happier than my grandparents' generation? Definitely not. Absolutely not. In general, again, I'm not talking about specific people, but in general, my grandparents' generation happier.

was much happier. I'm just speaking from direct experience to the people I knew from their generation, including my own grandparents. They were just generally happier, better people.

So it's a kind of sickness, this selfishness, and this is where the lack of purpose, because as an individual, you're very limited, as am I, And just focusing on yourself all the time. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Oh, my problems.

Oh, my goals. Oh, me, me, me, me, me. It makes you small and it does not make you happy. And so the first step, the most important thing with purpose, is you've got to go beyond yourself.

You've got to serve something bigger. You've got to work for something bigger than just you. And this is where I come to my advice now. Instead of choosing an idea or a philosophy, which is just words, in the end, those are just words.

Your purpose needs to be people, other people, real people. That's where you start with your purpose. To serve and contribute to and help other real people, specific people.

Specific people, this is also important. Another mistake people make when they're thinking about purpose or trying to choose a purpose is they'll choose some, again, an abstract idea of people. I will help the homeless, for example. Well, who the hell are the homeless?

The homeless, that's not a specific person. Again, that's just a label. That's just a name. I used to be a social worker. I worked with a lot of homeless people.

And I can tell you, well, some of them, a lot of them, were terrible people, horrible people, drug addicts, perverts, just horrible. And some were not.

But I always hated it when people say, the homeless. How can we help the homeless? Well, which ones? Right? Which ones are you going to help? Because some of them can't be helped, and many of them don't want to be helped.

So this idea of just a label of some group of people, I will help the poor, I will help the homeless, I will help the sick. Again, you're just avoiding a real purpose.

It's just an idea, it's just words. When you choose a purpose, you choose very specific people. People you can name. You have to be able to name them.

You have to be able to shake their hand, look them in the eye, talk to them, and say their name. Now that's more difficult and that's why people avoid it. Because real people are harder to deal with.

Real people have their own ideas. Real people will disagree with you sometimes. Real people will have problems. With real people you have to communicate.

Sometimes you have to negotiate. That's why it's so much easier just to say, Oh, I'm going to help the homeless. I'm going to help the poor. Because those aren't real people.

So you can sound good. You can pretend like you're so noble and wonderful. And you've got such a great purpose. But not really. You're just avoiding helping actual real people.

So this is where I suggest you start. You've got to pick a group of people that you will serve and help and contribute to. And that will be your first purpose. You may have other purposes in life, but this is very important.

Some group of people beyond yourself. It makes you less selfish. Now, which group should you choose? Well, the best group, the traditional group, the group that people have chosen all through history, family.

Family first. Family, family, family. Now, this is why I think that historically, if you look back, that people had less problem with this question of purpose.

Because... They just grew up automatically. Automatically. They knew that, you know, contributing to their family was their purpose. They knew they were part of a family their whole life.

They knew that they had to work to help the family, to contribute to the family. And when a family member was struggling, they would come and help them. And if they had a problem, then the other family would help. Right?

Everybody helping everyone else. Family. Family. Some people don't like to hear that. Oh, family, I don't get along with my family. Well, see, there's the problem.

Because family, they are real people. They have their own ideas. They're different than you. Each one of them is probably going to be different than you.

Dealing with real people is more difficult. But that's also good because it forces you to sacrifice. It forces you to give. It forces you forces you to compromise.

Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don't. It forces you to think about what other people need and what other people want, specific people, your family members.

And sometimes you do things just because it's good for the whole family, even though it's not what you prefer. It's not what makes you the happiest or satisfies you the most in the short term.

Now, which family? I think the easiest one is your spouse, your husband or wife, and your children. That's a natural one, right? Right? That's a great purpose.

A lot of parents, a lot of people get a great feeling of purpose. A very, very powerful and deep purpose when they have children. Because now, for sure, they have a purpose to protect those children, to raise those children, to teach those children. And every parent knows.

That requires you as a parent. As a mom or a dad, you absolutely definitely must do many things that are not convenient for you. You can't be totally selfish.

Well, I guess you can be totally selfish as a parent, but that makes you a very bad parent. But good parents, most parents, I'd say, even ones that are not great, most recognize that they must sacrifice, that they must contribute to their children, and sometimes that's not easy, and sometimes it's not fun, and sometimes that means you can't do things you want to do.

When you have babies, sometimes it means you don't get to sleep very much. And, oh, that kind of sucks, right? And sometimes it means, oh, you can't go on a vacation you wanted to go on because your child's too young and you can't really do that. It's not good for them.

And in the short term, all those things, maybe they kind of seem like, well, that's no fun. How can that make me more happy? It's going to make me less happy. But it doesn't.

It's quite the opposite, because what you're doing is you're sacrificing your small, meaningless desires for pleasure, for convenience. You're sacrificing that for something bigger, your children, your family as a whole, love, connection, giving, contribution, teaching, helping.

And those sacrifices will actually make you much, much, much more happy, much happier in the long run. After weeks and months and years, you're much happier.

contributing to and helping your children, developing that great love with your children and your wife and your husband. Well, probably not and your husband, wife or husband.

Right? Much more than, oh, some small inconvenience. Some short-term inconvenience. So that's a great one to start with, and a lot of people do. Your marriage...

and your children. That's a really great one. What if you're not married yet? What if you don't have kids yet? Well, that's okay. Well, you can also focus on your own parents.

If they're still alive, as a child, you can serve them. You know, I'm having to do this myself. I'm having to do, but I am doing this myself. One thing is your parents get older.

As you get older and your parents get older, you start to realize that they're getting older and They're not going to be around forever. And you start to get a feeling of like, I don't know how much longer they're going to be around. Maybe only a few more years.

And then you feel quite strongly the need to, and the desire to contribute to them, to help them, to connect with them, to make them happy. Not so much to make yourself happy, but to do things for them.

Well, it's great if you start that at a young age. You can do that at any age. You don't have to wait until they are old. And you're getting older. You can do that right when you're 20 years old, if you like.

Try to really understand. A lot of young people especially, they make no attempt. They don't try to understand their parents at all. They're very selfish.

Now, I'm not criticizing you because I was the same. Exactly the same. When I was in my 20s, I did not think about my parents at all. I only cared about myself.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. My parents don't understand me. Why don't they understand me? And I was just complaining about that. But of course, I never tried at all to understand them.

I never tried to think about them. I never asked them questions. I never tried to understand their lives. What did they want from life? What was their life like before me?

You know, what were their hopes and dreams and goals? What would make them happy? Why are they worried about me? Why do they want me to do certain things?

I didn't try to do any of that. I could have, though. I could have, and it would have been a very good thing to do. I should have done that. But I didn't, so I'm sharing the advice with you now.

If you're young, instead of just complaining about your parents all the time because they don't understand you, you know what? Remember... This book we're about to do, first understand, then be understood. So instead of, as a child, as an adult child, instead of complaining about your parents not understanding you, what if instead you worked hard to understand them?

What if you decided that that's part of your purpose is to help them, contribute to them, connect with them, understand them? And don't worry about them understanding you. Maybe they never will understand you.

Maybe that's okay. And you can do the same, by the way, with brothers and sisters. Your own brother or brothers or your own sister or sisters. Same idea.

Sometimes you have a brother or sister you're very close to, which is wonderful, but sometimes you have one that you're not, and then you have to, again, you have to sacrifice, you have to work hard, it's part of your purpose, because the family is part of your purpose, and so you actually have to work hard to understand that other brother or sister.

So that's a great, great, great place to start is your family. And it's great because it's real. These are real people, okay? It's not just some idea.

It's not just a word, family. No, they're real people. You know them. You grew up with them. You talk to them. You see them, all right? They're real people.

That gives you a real feeling of purpose instead of just some idea, right? You can start with family. That's a great one to start with. What if you already have a good connection with family and that's going well?

Or maybe you don't. At the next level, you could focus and make your clan your purpose. This also was... Historically, we look at history, this is another purpose shared by most people.

Most people were born into a clan, C-L-A-N, clan. This is just a way to say your extended family, your big, big, big extended family. Of course, you had your family, your mom and dad and brothers and sisters, and also your spouse and your own children.

But then if you start going into your big, big, big extended family, now you have grandparents, cousins... uncles, aunts, second cousins, third cousins, right? Great aunts.

It becomes much, much, much bigger when you start to include all of the brothers and sisters and cousins of your uncles and your aunts and all those big, more distant family relationships.

Some clans can be very big, right? And again, traditionally, historically, clans would be very loyal to each other. And there was also this idea of purpose where everybody would contribute to the clan, that it was part of your purpose in life to help the clan and to contribute to the clan. And of course, they would protect and help you too.

Now this one might be a little more difficult in our modern world because our terrible modern world causes extended families to lose their connections.

This will be a more difficult one, but you can still do it. Or you could at least choose some of your extended family. And, you know, like what if you have an aunt who's alone?

Maybe her husband died or she didn't get married, doesn't have kids, and you're the nephew or the niece. Well, if you think about it, you might realize maybe she's kind of lonely.

And if you had a good relationship with her, you give her a call sometimes. Go visit sometimes, include her in some of your family activities and make that part of your purpose to, you know, contribute to her and give her a feeling of connection and belonging to your family.

You could give her a lot of happiness. You could do the same with an uncle or an aunt or cousins or grandparents, great-grandparents, if Why not? You could just do this yourself.

You don't have to ask anyone else to do it. Just be a leader and do it yourself. What a great purpose that is. And again, it's real people. Not just ideas.

It's people. Specific, real people. Now another group of specific people you could do this with, choose as your purpose, would be your closest friends. I mean, those real friends that you've had for years and years and years and years.

not just the people you hang out with. It's hard to have a feeling of purpose with people you just met or you haven't known for very long. But if you're lucky, I hope you have some friends you've known for many, many, many years. I do.

And they've most certainly... I consider them, I think of them as family, for sure. I have a few friends that I consider. They are part of my family. They are part of my clan.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And so, therefore, they are also part of my purpose. I make a good effort to see them, even though we live very far away. I make an effort to talk to them on the phone frequently.

I make an effort to text message them very often. And, of course, if they ever needed my help, I would help them out. And they do the same for me. And we make an effort sometimes to go on trips together, you know, to travel together, to do things together.

It's part of my purpose. So you could do this also, close friends. I'd say start with one of those or a couple of those. That's a great, great, great place to start.

And maybe you already have this. You might already have a family and you are already doing a good job as a mom or a dad, for example. But maybe you could just start changing your mindset about it. Sometimes you just need to change your mindset and to realize that, oh, it's not just my family.

This is not just something I have to do. It's not just, this is just my family and I'm just doing... raising my kids every day and seeing my wife. This is part of my purpose in life.

I'm serving them and leading them at the same time. I'm contributing them. I'm not just going to... do this as my duty or my job I'm going to do it like an artisan our last topic right I'm going to do it artfully I'm going to do it beautifully right you can be a mom or a dad you can be a very good mom or dad who cares and does all the right things but then you can do something even a little more where you add that grace that art that beauty that something extra that something special that

I don't know what it is, because it would be different for each of us. But you search for it, and you think about it, and you make your family into something much deeper, a much more meaningful, deep purpose, a spiritual purpose.

And you could do the same, again, with your extended family. You could do the same with close friends. A very good place to start with one or several of those people.

Once you do that, you could then add another level, another layer, another group as a purpose. Now, this is where you expand now. You're going to go beyond those people who are really closest to you, and you're going to expand out into your community.

But again, specific people, not the homeless, not my town. That's not real people. You've got to choose specific, specific people. So, for example, a team.

If you're an entrepreneur, this is an easy one, if you're an entrepreneur, if you start a business, in many ways, your workers, the people you hire, your employees, they're your team. And you can make that part of your purpose, too.

where they're not just employees, right? That you're not just selling stuff or making stuff. Yes, you're doing that and you're doing your best job you can, but you're also providing employment, right? You're providing a job and a livelihood to one or more people.

And that's part of your purpose too. And that's a very, very positive and important purpose. And again, you could change your mindset about that and realize that this is deeply meaningful, that you are contributing to these people. They're helping you as employees.

They're helping to run your business, but you are also contributing to them. And again, change your mindset and do it as an artisan with beauty and grace.

You can do this, again, as an entrepreneur, you can do this with your customers. or your clients, whatever you want to call them. I absolutely feel this with effortless English.

I'm not just trying to sell you a bunch of English lessons and that's all, and it's just numbers. I think you can probably feel that it's much more than that for me. This is a purpose for me.

to help specific people this is why on social media i like to connect with you this is why when i travel i like to meet you face to face as a real person right because i don't i don't want to just have the idea i'm going to help students students that's not a that's not a real person that's just an idea again it's just an it's just a word

but Max and Mehdi and Carol, right? I can name several names. It took me a long time to name them all of all the effortless English members that I know and have met online and in person.

And that has become my purpose, to try to bring you some happiness, to try to bring you closer to your goal of speaking powerfully, but much more than that. That's why I talk about so many other topics and not just English. That's why I'm not only talking about nouns and verbs and things.

Because, I don't know, for me that's not so powerful. I think I can be more helpful. I think I can contribute more than that to you. And that's what I try to do.

That gives me a great feeling of meaning and purpose. You could do this as an employee too. Working for a company, again, part of your purpose. If you believe in the company, if you think they're doing good things, well, that could give you a feeling of purpose.

If you don't, well, then maybe you connect with your co-workers and that gives you some feeling of purpose. And if not, then, hey, no problem. Then maybe work's not going to be part of your purpose. Maybe work is just for money and you'll find your purpose somewhere else.

I did that for many, many, many years and that's fine too. What's different about a team is that it's voluntary. A team you choose. You choose your team.

It's a group of people that come together and they choose to come together. Family, you don't really choose. It just happens. You do choose your close friends, but even then, that can become something more than just a choice.

When you first meet, you become friends, but then that loyalty gets stronger and stronger. And even if you become very different in life, and even if you go very different directions, you've chosen and you have created something special that becomes like family with those people.

Those are very special friendships. So the general idea is, in starting to find this feeling of purpose in your life, is to build your purpose around specific people, other people, okay?

Point number one is you must go beyond just yourself. I think this is the biggest mistake people make when they're looking for purpose. What do I, I, I, I? They use the word I too much.

Yes, hopefully in life you'll find some things that are personally very meaningful and satisfying to you, maybe just to you only, that you just do by yourself.

For me, that's, you know, for example, meditation and some things related to that. That's mostly me. I do that alone. And that's fine too. But when you're starting out, the big thing is to go beyond yourself.

You've got to also have a purpose that is beyond you. And that means specific other people. Specific other people. Specific other people. Choose who they are and decide to contribute to them.

Decide that At least part of your purpose is to be helpful to them, to care about them, to understand them, to contribute to their well-being and happiness in some way.

Start there. So instead of asking the question, what is my purpose? Ask the question, who? Who? Who? Who is my purpose? And as always, train with me. Commit to my VIP program and speak powerfully.

Think in English. Commit. Train English every day. You will reach your goals. You will. Join my VIP program. Commit today at EffortlessEnglishClub.com EffortlessEnglishClub.com

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