Dating and Marriage Discussion
Vocabulary
- mindset a settled way of thinking or attitude. Example: "Dating with the mindset of getting married."
- hedonistic devoted to the pursuit of pleasure. Example: "A hedonistic lifestyle leads to disaster."
- life partner a person with whom one shares their life. Example: "Dating is a process of finding a life partner."
- divorce the legal dissolution of a marriage. Example: "Divorce is a big problem in modern society."
- mate a spouse or partner. Example: "It seems tough to find a mate who agrees with you."
Full Transcripttap the text to seek
with the world's number one English teacher, A.J. Hogue, where A.J. 's more than 40 million students worldwide finally learn English once and for all without the boring textbooks, classrooms, and grammar drills. Here's A.J.
with a quick piece to help you learn to speak fluent English effortlessly. I'm A.J. Hogue, author of Effortless English, Learn to Speak English Like a Native.
We're talking about dating and marriage and relationships today, as I promised yesterday. Now, as I said yesterday, it'll be a discussion. We'll be discussing how to have good experiences dating, but really, most importantly, with the goal of having a good marriage, getting married, having a good marriage that lasts, that's strong, that's good, having children, and just a great family life.
That's what we will be discussing today. I talked to my wife about this topic last night, so I got some of her thoughts too. I can share some of her thoughts as well.
We'll go YouTube supporting members on the chat first, and then I'll open it up to everybody after that. So I'll give you all the chance first. I think that's only fair.
It's a good time to join my VIP program. I will be doing the live chat. We're going to do a live teleseminar. I'll probably use the software I usually use.
So it's a voice chat software. So we can actually... VIP members can talk to me. I can talk to you all. We can hear each other's voices. It's nice. I'll record it.
Maybe I'll share the recording on the show if some of you want to listen to it. And you can hear some of our VIP members. Some people have asked, you know, like I should have...
some members on as guests which I still may do but I could also record some of the VIP chats only VIP members can join but maybe let everybody else listen if they want to we'll see but go ahead and join my VIP program commit don't quit at effortlessenglishclub.com you commit you work now's a good time to do it work hard
And you will get success. You will speak fluently. You will speak powerfully. You will speak English confidently. And you will speak English effortlessly.
When you commit to my VIP program at EffortlessEnglishClub.com EffortlessEnglishClub.com All right, let's get on our topic. It's like we got a good number of viewers live now, so it's time to start.
So yesterday I was talking about the topic of hitting bottom and living the most simple life possible. And then somehow that kind of got into the topic of relationships. I think someone said, well, what if your husband or wife doesn't like that idea? And so we somehow got into that.
And then it was quite clear then in our discussion yesterday that this is a very popular topic. Lots and lots and lots of people. Had a lot of questions about this topic of dating, you know, finding the right person, getting married, how to do all these things, you know, successfully. Successfully meaning in a way that leads to, you know, a happy marriage and happy family.
So we discussed it a little yesterday, but I promised I would do it today. So we'll have a discussion today. Hopefully we have... As I said yesterday, I would like anyone who is happily married and has a successful family and has been married for a while to jump in and give your advice, your experience.
I'll give mine. And then for people who are younger, of course, ask questions as you like. And we'll see what happens. Hopefully... This will be helpful.
It is an extremely important topic, I realize. I was talking to my wife about it and kind of saying, yeah, wow, everybody really, really wants to know about this topic. I should become a dating guru. I could start a whole new business.
But, you know, my wife was saying, and she's right, that it makes sense, because this area of life is perhaps the most, perhaps the most important area of life for determining happiness, or at least is right at the top, you know, right at the top. I would say, you know, I put it God and family first, right? Right.
you could call it, you could say, if you prefer the word Dharma or whatever word you want to use, but, you know, there is that sort of your spiritual life and family life.
And then maybe we could say, you know, health is an important one too. Would probably be, you know, much more important than money, much more important than education, work, hobbies.
All those other things are nice and can make us happy and are important, but these three are the really, really, really, really big ones. Even health, there are people who manage to be quite happy even when they're not healthy, if they're very strong spiritually and they have very strong family life, good relationships, love.
Even people who have maybe serious health problems can still manage to be very happy with those two. So maybe... We might even put those two right at the top. I think I would.
But we could include health, too. So it's not surprising that these three topics are very, very popular. And, of course, I talk about the other two topics a lot, but I've tended to avoid the topic of dating and marriage and relationships. But let's go ahead and talk about it.
So here we go. I would say that we have two issues. And issue number one... dating which is okay there are kind of two thoughts of dating in my mind and there is what is the modern uh brave new world uh media bullshit that you get in Hollywood movies and stuff where dating is just this like you know it's just for fun and partying and you know woohoo and have a great time and um
And it's just kind of a hedonistic, right? It means it's just for pleasure. And then the other maybe attitude towards dating is that, in fact, you're doing it with the mindset of getting married. So that dating is, in fact, it's kind of a process of finding a life partner, a husband or a wife.
I would say reject the first one because it doesn't lead anywhere. And I probably had that mindset for a while myself. That's the sex-in-the-city mindset, and it leads to disaster.
People are just endless dating. It becomes meaningless very fast. Very, very fast. It becomes meaningless, and it will not make you happy. That whole sex-in-the-city type of lifestyle...
leads to great loneliness and depression and doesn't lead anywhere good so let's i we will be focusing today on the second one when we're talking about dating we're talking about dating with the purpose of finding someone to marry okay so
And then, of course, the second issue then is once you are married, how do you develop or keep that relationship strong so it gets better and better and better, right? Because we know that divorce is a big problem and broken families are terrible. So there's the sort of dating to find the right person and then there's marriage to make your family as strong as possible.
So let's focus on those two things. Okay, I'll just quickly go to the members only, just read a couple of the comments. We only have a few, and then I'll change it to everybody. Okay, so good to see you, Vladislav and Elena and Marcin and Slavica.
Vladislav has really the only comment right now. It says, it's a very important topic. When you're red-pilled, it seems tough to find a mate who agrees with red-pilled stuff.
In Russia, too few think homeschooling is a good idea. Many will give their kids to school. Okay, good. Now, that's a good point. So there's a couple issues on this one.
First of all, you don't... How to say this? Okay. I need to back up a little bit. Because there's one other point I have to make. And that is, men and women are different.
They're not equal. Okay? Equal means same. Two plus two equals four. It means they're the same. Nobody's equal. First of all, two men are not equal. No two men in the world are equal.
Not even twins. Okay? And no two women are equal, and men and women in general are not equal. They're not the same. Okay? That's a Marxist left-wing bullshit lie.
Okay? Which has caused so much unhappiness. Women trying to act like men and becoming miserable. And men forgetting how to act like men and becoming miserable.
Okay? So, with that said... My advice naturally will be from a male perspective, right? It'll be coming from a man. So I think my advice when I'm giving advice or giving my opinion, it's not even so much advice.
We're just giving something to think about, giving some ideas. I'm naturally doing this for young men. So it's very hard for me to think about what advice would I give women. I mean, I have a few ideas, right?
that are pretty obvious, just based on logic and reason. But otherwise, it's quite hard for me. So I'm going to rely on some of the married women in our discussion today to please help give some advice to women.
Because just naturally, my advice will naturally be a little more focused on young men, because that's what I understand. And traditionally, this is what we should be doing traditionally, is that the fathers would be giving advice and guiding and mentoring their sons in this area of dating and then marriage. And then mothers would provide that guidance and mentoring...
to their daughters, right? This is the old way, the traditional way, and it's the best way. So, it's hard for me to... Anyway, you get the point. When I say things, if you're a young woman, just realize, you know, maybe my advice might not be good for you.
Okay? The advice I'm giving is really more for young men. So, I'll be looking for comments from married women who can help me out with this. So, From a man's perspective, Vladislav, I would say this.
You do not need to find a mate who agrees with you right away. When you're first starting to date, if they're not completely red-pilled politically, if they're not totally red-pilled about homeschooling, it doesn't matter. Because if you are the man, and if you are strong and confident and a good leader, if you do get married eventually...
eventually she's going to follow you in that way. She's going to listen to you and understand what you're saying. So you don't have to agree on everything. It's just most important you're finding someone who is good-hearted and loyal and generally a very good person.
okay, and with time, if, you know, you date, and then you get married, and she really loves you, right, you really love her, she really loves you, and you have that, you're providing that leadership, you know, then you influence each other a lot, of course, you'll be influenced by her, too, but, so, even though, like, maybe in the beginning, she'll be, like, homeschooling, like most people do, but, you know, over time,
she's going to open up about it and start to understand it. You're going to talk about it more and more and more. Uh, you know, you're going to have a, a trusting relationship. And, uh, so there's, you know, a very, very, very good chance that, uh, the, she's going to change her mind about a lot of these things.
Right. So you don't have to agree. So don't worry too much about like these things and politics. Don't even worry about it at all. Okay. You're not marrying someone for politics.
Okay. It doesn't matter. Right. My wife and I don't even talk about politics, really. I mean, she's not American, and I'm not Japanese. I know nothing about Japanese politics.
Nothing. So, yeah, don't worry about that. The core things are more personal. Elena says, I've been married for eight years, very successful. In the beginning it wasn't easy, but thanks to true love and a deep discussion about the problems, we got through everything and came to the same point of view.
Right. See, exactly what Elena's saying. It's a journey, right? And it's interesting because I say my wife and I too, like the beginning started off quite tough and then it's gotten better, better, better, better, better, better, better.
Right? And there were several reasons for that. We're from different countries, different cultures. It was very hard for us in the beginning. Just where to live was always a hard problem for us.
You have to leave room for there to be growth and for you to understand each other, and that's going to take some time. Everything doesn't have to be 100% perfect. It's just more of those core things have to be
More than good. We should have a live show with Tomoe. Yeah, maybe. I don't know if she would like to do that. I'll ask her. Alright, let's turn on the comments for everybody.
Alright. Okay, Slavica says, I lived with my husband. I have lived for my husband for 28 years. We met at university. We have an adult daughter. I'll do my best to write a longer post on Gab about experience is important for a good marriage.
Excellent. Thank you, Slavica. Very nice. Carson says, I'm slow. uh and phlegmatic person and from my personal experience i noticed girls are not attracted to this kind of men like me seems girls prefer strong open and loud guys uh no i don't think so you know you can't say all right this is the thing okay if you you'll notice in life if you look around um you'll notice that all kinds of people get married
People who are very shy still end up getting married and having kids and families. People who are very outgoing end up getting married and having kids. So you have to realize that all women aren't the same.
All girls aren't the same. All girls don't like the same thing, just as all men don't, right? So be careful about that. Of course, in our popular culture, there's kind of maybe what...
you know, most people like the common things, but there's always people who are different. So you may, you just, you'll find someone who likes that. You will.
And also, you know, there are other things that are more important. I think, you know, you say girls like strong men, strong for sure, but it doesn't mean necessarily, you know, just physically strong, right? It's just a certain kind of confidence, that's all.
But that has nothing to do with being open or loud. There are a lot of men who are strong and very quiet. Famously so. Shiram says Acharya has a lot of videos on the topic.
Yeah, I need to watch some of his relationship ones. Do you know any bloggers who married happily have strong families and they share their ideas? I would say Vox a day is a good one on that one, but he doesn't talk about his relationships so much. Not so much.
Um, Owen Benjamin does actually own Benjamin. Pretty good. He's a different guy. He's, you know, his personality, he's different in a good way, but he's, he's, uh, uh, you're not a typical guy in a sense.
Um, There was this guy. Yeah, if I think of someone, I'll put it on Gap. Tony Robbins has some decent stuff about relationships, too. Anastasia says, what's important for me is being yourself from the first date.
Don't pretend to be someone else trying to be perfect to cause a lot of problems. Yeah, you know, I'll give you some other advice. I don't like dating. I...
almost never dated i did it a few times dated meaning like what you see in on the media like in hollywood where you go out to you you ask someone on a date you get their phone number and then you go out to dinner with them and then uh it's very awkward because you don't know anything about each other and i basically didn't do it a couple times i think i tried it and i that's a really hard way to do things um
what's much easier is to just meet people in a social setting where you're seeing them more frequently. So instead of just walking up to a girl across the, you know, you're in a restaurant or a bar and you just walk up and ask for a phone number and you've never even met her, it's much easier if you're like, you know, in some group, I don't know, some, let's say you're an outdoor club, a hiking club, right? And you go hiking and they go on hiking trips a lot.
Or you're a runner, and you join a group of runners. And then, okay, well, then you're going to start meeting people, and some of them are going to be women.
And then you get to know them, and it's a very natural thing. You're just doing activities quite naturally, so you're just talking normally. And then you find, oh, maybe you kind of get along with them, right?
Or, you know, it's that kind of thing. uh, where it's not like dating. We are on, we are now on a date and then there's all this kind of weird pressure. I find that is very difficult way to do it.
I find that doing some, doing things in a more relaxed, natural, just social setting or in, you know, in, in really as friends first just works better. And that's how like Tamoy and I were friends first. We kind of just pen pals really first. Uh,
Not really trying to date with all that pressure. And then we just start realizing, oh, we really think alike and we really have very similar values. And so it grows from there. It's more organic, more natural.
Instead of trying to force something like you're on a job interview. Dates always feel like job interviews to me. Very unnatural and high pressure. It says, how do we know?
This is a very good question. How do we know that our girlfriend is the right person before we get married? Indeed, how do you know? I think the best way to know is to go through some difficulty, like to deal with some difficulty together, right?
So things are not, you know, a period of time where you really got to get through some difficult stuff, right? Right? one of you or both, preferably both of you. And that's when you, that kind of tests each, the relationship.
Like does the other, does the other person just, you know, are they loyal to you? Are you loyal to them? Do you, you know, do you get through it together or, or not? So I think that's a good one, a good way to find out.
It brings out, this tests all relationships, friendships too. So, Because life's not always easy. So don't get married. Everything's just wonderful and it's all been great all the time.
And then you get married. And then finally you get the relationship. You get tested by tough times and difficult challenges and hard, difficult things.
And it's kind of late. Try to do that before. Make sure that it's been tested. Oh, okay. Sorry. Just managing the comments on this YouTube is a little trickier.
Okay, let's see. Do you think, AJ, that the new generation of men will have a lot of problems dating due to media influence? Yeah. Anybody who gets their women too.
You're being programmed by Hollywood and TV with all kinds of incredibly crazy ideas about dating. Every romantic movie, romantic comedy is just full of nonsense. And so you've got to be really careful. Yeah, you're absolutely right.
Yeah, like Motion says, whoever you are, there's at least one person who will like you and marry you. More than one, probably. But yeah, you can find one.
I agree. Like I said, you can look around. If you look around, if you know enough people who are married, even looking in your own family, all your uncles and aunts and cousins and your grandparents, both your grandparents, and just your whole social circle, and look at all the different kinds of personalities...
And body types and looks and everything. And then you look around and you see that all kinds of people get married. It's not true that if you're a woman, you have to be like a supermodel. Or if you're a man, you've got to be rich or a macho guy or something.
It's not true. You don't have to look like what Hollywood tries to tell you. You don't need that. Most people don't. Yes, like Fashion Freak says, it's very important.
Of course, being in love. Love is important, of course. Second is talking and listening to each other. You can solve many simple problems this way. Yes.
Now, I would add that that book by C.S. Lewis, I think it's called The Four Loves, is a very good book because... When we say love, to be more specific, it's not just that romantic, basically sexual attraction, right?
That's the least important one. I mean, that's the one that usually comes up first, that excitement. But that's not the one that will create a strong relationship and marriage. The other ones he talks about, spiritual, what he calls affection...
What's the fourth one? The fourth one is friendship. Those are more important for long-term relationships. Okay. YouTube keeps jumping the comments on me.
One second, guys. R says, AJ, I just read a book that said women will be girlfriends to bad guys. And then when they get old, they get married to good guys to be fathers. What do you think about this?
Yes, that's a thing, for sure, that is. It's called, there's a rude phrase for it. But basically, there are, right, and you don't want to marry one of those women.
Do not, guys, do not marry a slut. Okay, I'm just going to be blunt. I'm going to be very direct. Some girl who's just been running around having sex with bad guys in her youth, and then suddenly she's getting older.
The bad guys don't want her anymore. And then now she says, oh no, I'm different now. Do not marry that girl. You are an absolute idiot if you marry that girl.
Do not. Right. That's what you're talking about. It is definitely a common thing and it is a big mistake. Don't do it. And now I will say about your comment, not all women do that.
Okay. It's there are certain women who do that. Some who do that and you must avoid them. Okay. Avoid them. They're not for marriage. Olga says now it's fashionable to just live together not marry it's wrong previously parents were looking for a couple for their children families were strong people could change partners like gloves indeed indeed I agree now you know maybe a short period of living together to test the relationship you know I don't know it's not it's not great traditionally but I understand people might do that but this idea of just living together years and years and years I mean just get married get moving
Hey German, welcome. Asan says, usually girls like bad guys. No, it's not. So what they like is confident guys. They like confidence. And bad guys at least are good at appearing confident.
Some of them actually are confident. Some of them are... are actually kind of insecure, but they have a good act to appear confident, to appear tough and confident, and they don't care.
For some of those guys, that's real. They don't care, and they're very confident, and they're what are called natural alphas. And yeah, women are attracted to that. But if you're a good guy, meaning you're a virtuous man, a lot of women are attracted to that too.
If you're strong, if you're confident, right? It's strength and confidence. And I don't mean strength like being some super, super, super macho man or something. I just mean like a certain...
There are a lot of girls who like, you might call it confident, nice guy. But what they're not attracted to generally is guys who are just completely weak and don't know what, I don't know what I'm doing in my life, and I don't know, and they have no plan in life, they have no direction in their life, there's no energy, there's no purpose. That's not attractive.
That's not attractive. So this is another bit of advice for young men. If you're having trouble, get your own life together first. Instead of focusing on a girl, a girl is not going to make your life great.
A girl is not going to make everything wonderful. You have to figure out your life, figure out your purpose, get some confidence, get some direction in your life. And then you meet someone and you have a relationship and get married and then it's even better and better and better. But if you're completely lost in life, getting a girl is not going to help.
You're still going to be lost. And she's not going to respect you. And then that's just going to add even more stress eventually to your life. Get some direction.
Get some purpose. That will give you... Get life experience. And that's going to give you a lot more confidence and be decisive about things. The things that are important to you.
Make decisions. Be decisive. These are all good things to do. You don't have to ride a motorcycle and go to bars and get drunk all the time. That's not what it's about.
Okay, creaky. Let's see. Sorry, guys. Let me find the comments again. Sarah says, I've been married for 20 years. We chose each other at university. We had a lot of time to know each other.
Therefore, we're happy and successful, but it was hard at the beginning. This is interesting. I find this quite interesting that we've had a few people say the same thing, and it's my same experience, hard at the beginning, and then got better and better, the successful relationships.
I think I certainly have known some people where it's super exciting and fantastic in the beginning and then it just gets worse and worse and worse and they get divorced.
So everything being super fantastic in the beginning is not necessary. It's okay if it's kind of hard in the beginning. It's hard to suddenly come together and live with someone else and you've had your separate lives.
There's a lot of stuff to figure out. It takes some time to get used to that. So if it's kind of hard in the beginning, don't just quit and give up. Don't expect it to be super perfect.
You know, that's that Hollywood nonsense. Adikari says, I have never been married yet. Well, that's okay. You're young, I believe. Yeah, like Olga says, a woman should not live a rampant lifestyle.
That's a very nice way to say it. Yes. Yeah, Akos is right. I think men should be men and women should be women in the classical meaning. Yeah, in the classical traditional sense.
That's why it was so much easier before. You know, we just look at, like, talk to your grandparents if they're still alive. And it was... It wasn't so complicated, right?
It's a disastrous mess now because of what the media, mostly media, I guess, and just the overall society programming has done to confuse everybody so that now girls have no idea what to do or how to act and boys have no idea what to do or how to act and they're all super confused and this whole topic just seems impossible.
But... You know, you just go back only two generations, there were none of these issues. Of course, not every marriage was happy. We're not living in a fantasy, but there wasn't all this confusion, right?
They understood. They had their roles. They understood men were men. Women were women. They're not the same. They knew that, you know, the purpose was to get married, have children, build families.
They were happier. They were not confused, right? So the problem we're dealing with now is that our whole societies have been destroyed, all these traditions have been destroyed, and now we're trying to figure it all out again and get back to that. And that's why so many people are confused, and I was very confused too, for the same reason.
Nobody taught me anything. I got all my information from... movies and TV and books and stories and stuff and it was all nonsense it was all lies which it took me a while a long time many years to figure out and to finally figure out that oh yeah like humans have already known how to do this for a long long long time this is just a recent thing where we're all so confused all this divorce all this craziness is very recent it's my parents generation that did it in America um
So I think it's not sustainable. So I think we're going to go back to the traditions and we just got to get back to that. So Agos is right. In a way, if we just could go back, if we just go back to the old ways, it's actually very simple.
It's only complicated because we have so much propaganda and craziness in our heads from all the media and everything. Okay. Okay, again, so Adhikari says, how to start talking if I date someone. Again, my advice, this is just me personally, okay, this is my experience.
I don't like dating. I never liked it. Okay, I didn't really date when I was young, right? I just, I met people through joining groups, joining activities, right?
I just was, I did social things that involved other people, including girls, right? And then I met them when I was doing those things, right? So I didn't... And then, so I got to know them in a natural way, right?
I don't know. Let's just... Let me think of an example. Oh, like dance. Okay, there was this thing like this folk dancing group, okay? When I was living in South Carolina.
So I joined that. Well, that's natural. You're going to meet people from, you know, girls and boys do that. right, naturally. So I would just naturally meet people, right, on boat.
And of course, you might even, you also might meet some male friends, like, or you join, like, a running group. You like to do long-distance running. You join a group, and they all train together. And then you might just meet a girl there, and then, you know, you start, you talk, and maybe you say, oh, I like this person.
And you just get to know them with no pressure, no date, right? You're just... just as two human beings, and then if there's a connection, and you can feel that connection, well, then you ask them to do something, just you and her, and it's not weird, because now you know each other somewhat, and it's not uncomfortable, it's not strange, it's just very... It just kind of goes from one step to the next to the next in a very easy way, and that's always how I did it.
I find that's just so much simpler. This sort of Hollywood thing of... You walk up to someone and you get their number and then you call them up and, hey, I'll pick you up at 8. And then you go to dinner with this stranger that you've never met.
And then you've got to try to have a conversation. And you're asking them all these questions. Do you want children? It's so weird. I don't think it's a very effective way.
Again, because I'm talking about dating for the purpose of eventually getting married, not just dating. You're not just dating to have sex. Well, okay, so a lot of self says my university friend is too shy. I'm quite shy, but he's even shyer, and he ended up getting married three years ago.
And he's like, I don't know how good the relationship is. But here's the point. He got married still, even though he's super shy. Right? Like what I was just talking about, that's a great way for someone who's kind of shy to, quote, to date, to meet people.
Because you get to know someone. Shy people aren't shy with their friends. Right? They're just shy with people that are new. Right? So if you can get into a group and then you start meeting people and you get to know them and you get comfortable, then the shy person isn't shy anymore.
So it kind of gets rid of that. Is it true that tomorrow the internet will shut down? I don't know. I don't know. Q did not say that exactly. But that's just some people are predicting that.
We'll find out. I'll do a show tomorrow. I'll try to do a show tomorrow. We'll see. Now, I agree with this. Olga says, in order to find a good person and live happily, first of all, a person must ask for help from God, because only with God's help can you become truly happy.
And see, right, again, if you look at our ancestors, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, going back, you know, marriage was a religious institution. It was built upon religion, right? The idea is that you're coming together with God as your witness and as the foundation. So, in other words,
It was a deeply spiritual connection, right? It's not just for pleasure. It's not just, oh yeah, we have the same hobbies. It's a spiritual commitment.
Vadim says, okay, Vadim's talking about a guy who's a pickup artist. Be nice to do an interview with Rolo Tomasi about family, considering his opinion about women and spinning plates.
I think I actually tried to contact him for an interview and I never heard back. But yeah, like, you know, I recommend his books because the topics he writes about in terms of attraction and how men and women think differently about attraction and many of these other things are very accurate and very good. The problem is that...
well, I would say most, maybe all of the pickup artists, you know, these are men who are good at getting lots of women, right? And the problem is they're all just focused on sex. It's just sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. It's just like a gay, gay nightclub lifestyle, except with women.
So there's no future in that, right? There's no family. There's no There's no foundation. There's nothing. It's empty. Eventually, it's empty. It's just completely empty.
So you can learn some things from them, but in the end, their path is empty. And that's the problem with him. Because, yeah, this idea of spinning plates means always having lots of girls. Well, that doesn't work if you get married.
You can't do that if you get married. Do I have to have a relationship with a person that I like in some ways, but they take drugs and alcohol? Red flag.
I don't want to take drugs and alcohol or drink alcohol. That's a red flag, guys. So let me explain. Red flag is a... I don't have anything red. It's a slang, and it means like a big warning, like a danger sign.
Danger, danger, danger, right? A red flag. So... You say drinks and takes drugs, so I don't know what you mean. Some people who drink, they drink a glass of wine at dinner.
To me, that's nothing. If that's really important to you, if that even bothers you, then right. Exactly, you don't want to date someone like that. For me, a glass of wine wouldn't bother me, but someone who drinks heavily,
or is doing dangerous drugs, that kind of thing, where they have a problem, basically, or they may have a problem, or they're depending on it, or it's just really bothering you, then cut them and move on, is my advice.
Because there's almost no hope for drug addicts and alcoholics, and you certainly don't want to marry one. You do not want to marry a drug addict or an alcoholic. Bad idea. Huge red flag.
No. Find someone who is not. Asma says, to get married in old age does have advantages. Your thinking becomes more wise than your young age. A chance not to get divorced becomes low.
Depending on what you mean by old age. But older... I feel this way, yes. If I had married when I was 20, it would have been a disaster. And I'm glad.
And even when I was 38, I still had a lot to learn still, you know. I mean, we always have a lot to learn. But in general, and I feel the same, it's sort of the same discussion I've had about being a parent. That, you know, on the one hand, I'm older.
So, of course, my kids are going to have an old dad. But... But there are advantages to that too. I think in many ways I'll be a better parent because of that.
Okay, I lost the chat again. Good lord. Okay, okay. What about dating someone from a different culture? Yeah, my wife and I are different cultures. It's more about the individual person.
That's the key thing. It's like, you know, the individual person like all Americans are not the same all Japanese are not the same all whatever it adds it can add some extra issues for sure but there are some good things too like there are certain things about my wife that I really really like that are that are also just things about Japanese culture that I like better but you know I don't know I just think it's just more about the individual person it doesn't matter so much
Robot says, marriage seems like a negative thing to me because there's no freedom in marriage. Well, why not? So what do you suggest? Well, it sounds like you need to think about your image of what is marriage and what kind of person you would marry.
I don't know what you mean, no freedom. No freedom to do what? I mean, I'm free to do anything I want. I'm not going to date other girls, but other than that, I mean, I don't know.
Like, I pretty much do the same things I used to do. And people have the same idea about having children. There's no freedom. I mean, there's certain things that, you know, your life changes.
Like, you know, with kids, my life is different now, but they also add a lot, right? So it's not like I lose freedom. It's just I gain all this great stuff I'm doing now with my playing with my
Babies every day and all these wonderful experiences I didn't have before. And then other things, yeah, maybe it's harder for me to go by myself and, I don't know, sit and read a book for a few hours.
Right, I have less time for that. It's harder for me to do that right now. But on the other hand, I get to go take my baby to the park and play with her or play with my baby boy here at home and chase him around. And so...
Yeah, one thing's a little more difficult, and something else is added, so marriage is the same. Now, if you marry the wrong person, it can be terrible, but again, it's about choosing well, and you create whatever situation you want.
Okay, now this is a really good question. Deer says, we think with our hormones at a young age, how can we overcome this problem? Indeed. 100% correct.
Yes. This is a hard question. I don't know. I mean, this is very hard for me. I was talking to my wife about this last night, and... This is the big problem when you're young.
Because I was talking to her about this same issue, I'd say especially for young men, so that all their logic, all their reason, all their clear thinking can be completely destroyed.
by like the emotion and the hormones, right? They just see a girl and they're attracted to her physically or attracted to her for whatever reason. And then they just, it doesn't matter, right? Like, I mean, maybe you've known friends like this, that they're...
Crazy about some girl, right? And everybody else, everyone, you, all the other friends, everybody sees this is a bad person, right? You try to tell your friend, man, she's no good. She's no good.
You know, she's not good. Oh, she's going to cheat on you. Oh, she's a liar. Whatever, right? And your friend just will not listen because he's totally crazy focused on her.
I don't know. I think pain... I think the way you're asking how do you overcome this problem? Pain. That's my experience. Suffer. That you follow your hormones.
You make stupid decisions. And you get hurt emotionally. And you suffer a lot of pain. And this starts to wake you up. And you start to realize... I need to think more clearly.
I need to look more deeply and not just be controlled by my hormones. Right? And, you know, do your best. The other thing is from the very beginning when you're dating or meeting girls is to avoid places where, you know, quote, bad girls do.
tend to hang out. Like, don't meet girls in bars and stuff, you know, or clubs. You know, better meet her in church, for example, or at a temple or something.
You get the idea. But, yeah, it's a hard... That is a very good question. It's a question that probably a lot of young men struggle with, and I don't have a completely good answer to it other than sometimes you just have to suffer sometimes
until you wake up. How do you tell if a girl is good or bad? Read the Rational Mail by Rolo Tomasi. He's got a lot, like I said, his kind of goal is kind of hopeless, but
A lot of the information is actually very good. So, The Rational Mail. It's like a series of three books by Rolo Tomasi. And this is a very big topic, but he has a lot of, quote, red flags, what are called red flags.
You could read some of Roosh's, Roosh V, R-O-O-S-H-V, Roosh V.com, I think. He was another, I say was, because he's not anymore, but he was a pickup artist, a guy who was just focused on getting lots of girls and sex. And again, though, he did have some articles on his website about, you know, because he was looking, because see, here's the thing. Those guys are looking for bad girls, okay?
The pickup artist guys, they're looking for bad girls. They're looking for girls just to have sex with and then throw them away. So they want bad girls. So they have a lot of ways to identify girls.
if a girl is, quote, a bad girl, an easy girl. So you can use the information and then just avoid those girls. So you can learn a lot. And the nice thing about Roosh is he has now become a very devout Christian, and he has changed his life quite a lot.
I'm going to jump to the bottom and go backwards here. Let's see, because I'm finding it hard to... Yeah, I agree with Olga again. The strongest marriages are not based on passion, but on mutual understanding and spiritual growth. Passion sooner or later passes.
True love comes with years, but it's hard. yeah not even necessarily i would i would not say it's hard i haven't found it hard uh like we had challenges in the beginning and it's gotten better and better but but everything else you said i agree with completely uh again like i love that book by c.s lewis the four loves the four loves because um we always say love love love but what do we mean because um it's in english it's too general
We use that word for too many things. And so he talks a lot more specifically about four different kinds of love and how each one is powerful and why each one's important.
Marvin says, I met my wife in church. Nice. Yeah, very nice. After 25 years of marriage, Cleefy says, many things have changed in my life, but most of them in the right way.
As you grow, you become like wine or honey. That's nice, yes. We can age like wine or age badly, right? Okay. Okay, let's see. Lexi here. Hi, Jay. I'm very shy and insecure and an insecure guy with women.
I don't have any experience dating with girls. A friend of mine told me to use internet dating to get experience, your advice. Yeah, why not? Do it. Try it.
It's not a bad idea. I will say this about the dating thing, that kind of like job interviews, if you do use this kind of thing, it is kind of, it does give you experience. It gives you a lot of experience. You start to, you meet a lot of different kinds of people.
It may be really uncomfortable. And... kind of a disaster usually, but it can kind of build up your confidence because then you start where you just don't care so much anymore, which is a good thing in a way. You're not afraid anymore.
You're not stressed about it. You're just kind of like, eh, all right. But as I said, especially if you're kind of a quiet person, I find that doing social things is... is generally a better thing.
Or like on the internet things, like maybe if you could meet people, you know, meet girls, but where it's a little more like based on a topic or a hobby or a pen pal or something where it's not so heavily focused on date, date, date, date, date.
But yeah, give it a try. It can't hurt. Can't hurt. Nastasia said, in my life I was in a relationship with a guy who bet on football a lot and he lost all the money I earned.
Yeah, that's another red flag. Yes, gambling, gambling addiction. Also a very big red flag. Right. Financially unstable. Not good. Yeah, Noah has a good point.
I think a way to know your partner deeply is to travel with him or her to a different place. Yeah. Especially going on a trip that's kind of difficult to an unknown new place. Maybe traveling on a small budget.
So you're going to have to deal with problems and difficulties. And you're going to be in a bad mood. Sometimes bad things are going to happen and problems and all this ups and downs, that's a great way to kind of get some experience together where everything's not perfect and it is a good way to test the relationship a bit.
I agree. That's a nice idea. Is it advantageous to get married at the age of 39 or above? Sure. I got married at age 38. So it's only one year after me.
Yeah. Lachit says, is it possible to choose my wife by social media? Far away from where I live. I don't know if she's good for me or not. It's possible.
Obviously, you're adding extra difficulty if you can't meet for a long time. I mean, in some ways, there's a good part to it where... You can get to know each other without dealing with the face-to-face and the physical stuff and all that. So you can actually get to know the person better, like who they really are.
That's the good part. But then the tough part is that you're far away from each other. So then you've got to figure that out. So I don't know. You could try it.
In my country, you have to be rich if you want girls to talk to you. That seems... What country are you living in? That seems unlikely. That seems very unlikely.
You're going after the wrong girls. Do you think tattoos are a red flag on girls? Generally, yes. Generally. Yeah, like Vladislav says, when you see a red flag at a beach, it means swimming is forbidden.
Now, we'll say about the tattoos that it has become quite common. So, it's just some tiny little small one. It's not so much of a red flag, maybe, but like a bunch of tattoos. Oh, generally, I would say yes.
And the thing about red flags, they're not always correct. Some are like that one. You might find that, you know, who knows? Okay, so you can still get to know the person, right?
It's just a sign, be careful. Uh, some red flags are very, very big. Like someone who's an alcoholic is just, you know, stay away, stay away. What do you think about traditional marriage where a boy goes to a girl's home to propose in front of, to her, in front of her family who may not know enough?
Um, I don't know. It's, it's, it's very, very different than American culture. So, uh, I think there are good points to it, though. I understand, you know, like most Americans probably don't quite get it, but I understand it.
I understand why I think there are advantages to having the families, the whole families more involved in the process. There are disadvantages, I imagine, but there certainly are advantages, too. Because, see, the families are not basing everything on hormones.
That's one advantage. They can see things more clearly. So I don't automatically say it's bad. I mean, some Americans would automatically say, oh, no, that's not right.
But no, I understand it. It's not the only way, but I think it has some good points. Great. Gustavo says, here's another success story. I'm married for 10 years.
I've known my wife for 18 years. I really love being married. The key is communication. Sounds like a cliche, but it's essential. Yep, I agree. It's that kind of mutual understanding and respect.
And the communication can be in different ways. It doesn't always have to be just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk all the time. But it's just a sort of...
Like Sarah says, love and respect and trust are the most important things. That's well said. I agree. I agree. Okay, a few more. I knew this would be a popular topic.
All right. In your opinion, what is the perfect age to get married? I can't answer it. It just depends on the person. It depends on how mature the person is.
I say, I guess, and I'm talking about now, right? In our cultures, the way things are now. Now, if we could go back to a traditional culture, the best age to get married is probably like 20, 21, 22, what all our ancestors did.
for generation after generation, where they got married somewhere in that range, between 18 to 22. Sometimes younger, sometimes older, but, you know, young.
But now, you know, worldwide, the culture has been changed, our traditions have been destroyed. It's pretty hard to do that now. It's harder to do that and succeed, because...
The truth is, you know, my grandparents, when they were 20 years old, for example, they were adults. They were full adults. They were working. They were ready to have and they expected to start to get married and start having children.
They were not little kids anymore. They didn't act. They weren't just teenagers. Right. But now most of us and I was to most people now who are 20 years old are still children emotionally.
They're still kids. They still act like little kids. It's Brave New World where our childhoods are getting longer and longer and longer and longer. And so now, to say, oh, get married at 20, I don't know.
Because when I was 20 years old, I was still a kid. I still acted like a stupid idiot. It would have been a bad idea. I wasn't ready. So that's why I say it.
So now, it really depends on how mature are you, how responsible are you, how... ready are you all these things it's hard to say because now uh different people it just depends on their life experience and a lot of other things so it's hard to say yeah and this is exactly right nurse sultan i can't read it uh says i think the 60s 70s sexual revolution
And the rise of cultural Marxism are the two main events which destroyed traditional family and marriage in the West. Feminism, too. Yes, you're correct. 100%.
That's exactly right. It was a movement with a lot of money behind it, very well organized, to completely destroy the family. To destroy religion. To destroy the family.
To destroy all our traditions. And make us all confused and childish and easy to control. You're exactly right. That's right. It was a disaster. In my country, they're called the baby boomers.
It was my parents' generation, and they just believed it all, and a lot of them still do, and they screwed up our culture, and now we're trying to fix it.
But yes, that's exactly right. These things were disastrous. The sexual revolution, feminism, and cultural Marxism, they're all three connected. They're all really part of the same thing.
Total disasters. Complete disasters for civilization. So now we've got to fix it. And it's going to take a while. We're not just going to undo it. It's going to take a while.
And in the meantime, we've got to struggle and figure it out and try to get back. to something that has dharma, that has truth, that has logos. Is it important to have sex before marriage or after marriage? What's your opinion?
I don't know. It's hard to say modern. It depends on what culture you're from and all that. I don't think sex is so important for marriage. It's part of it.
But again, the problem, especially for men, if you focus on that part, you make really stupid decisions. Right? It's a classic thing. You'll see strong men, very intelligent men, very strong men, who you think, God, you know, men admire them and respect them.
But then they are so easily destroyed by a woman. Right? Just because of the sex. The sexual attraction. Right? So, be careful. I think don't focus on that part of it.
That part gets better and better. Okay? You gotta focus on something deeper. We're not animals. Okay, let's see. Augustoffel says, I recommend you read their book.
Oh yeah, Five Languages of Love. I've read that book. The Five Love Languages, something like that in English. It helps see how we express and expect love.
Yeah, that's a nice book. It is a good book. I agree. It talks about different ways people, you know, it's not just verbally. It might be giving gifts.
It might be doing something for them. There's kind of all these different ways and everyone has their kind of preferred way. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, this is nice.
In my 20s, I suffered a lot about that. Now I'm 30s. If I return to the past, I tell my 24-year-old self, don't date. Focus on yourself. You don't need a girlfriend in your 20s.
That's good advice. Right? Guys, try to fill a hole. You know, a lot of young men, they have a hole in their heart, in their mind, in their life. They think that if they just get the right girl, it'll fill it.
And And it's not true. They need to, you need to be able to stand on your own and have a good life and be confident and feel good about your life without a girl.
And then, ironically, you can then, if you get a girl, you get married, then you have a foundation, right? Then it gets even better. But if you try to, if your life is a disaster and you're not confident and you don't have a purpose and you're, You feel lost in your life, and then you try to get a girlfriend.
It makes everything worse, actually. It will make things worse. It will not get better. So yeah, take care of your life first. Get your life organized so you have a foundation.
Then your mind says, you talk like an Asian person. It seems like you're from Asia. You're active towards religion and culture. I think you're different from any Western people.
Yes. That's true. I'm not typically American. But here's the thing, guys. America, and maybe we could say Western Europe, too, is, I would say, it's the most fallen.
Okay? And I would say, especially America, we have been under... this cultural Marxism, feminist sexual revolution, brave new world system, longer and worse than most countries in the world. Maybe there's some European countries that are worse or just as bad.
I wouldn't say worse, but also very bad. But maybe Sweden would be worse. But America's... Horrible in that way. And one good thing about that is that when you see the evil and you see the destruction, if you survive it, you know, right?
You don't get tricked very easily. And if you can come through it, you can come through it and be stronger and more clear. And that's the good part about it.
Antonio is saying, have I read the book? I guess you did just join because we've been talking about the rational male. We've been talking about it. Yes, I've read it.
Read them. There's three books. Yeah, Bertillon said, I attended a church where the pastor was really strict to get married as soon as possible. So a lot of my friends got married at 18.
I think it's bad to get married at this early age. I think it's bad to force it. Maybe there are some 18-year-olds, if they really got their life together and they're very mature and everything, great. But there are many who are not.
So, like I said, you can't just choose a number. It depends on the... For men, it's about having your life together. And that means mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, all of these things. that you're strong, that you're happy and strong and you feel good about your life without a woman, without a girl.
And then if you get married, it adds to that. If you're not happy in your life, don't add a girlfriend to it. Don't add a wife to it. It's just going to make everything worse.
And it's going to make her unhappy too. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Okay, let's see. Abdul says, if I fall in love with a girl, what should I do to impress her to get married with her?
Don't. If you're trying to impress her, you're going to fail. That's what I would say. Be impressive. Have an impressive life already. And then just be confident.
Be yourself and be confident. That's it. So get to know her and if you think there's a connection there, if you think she might have some interest after you get to know her, just tell her I like you and be open and direct about it.
And one of the big things is don't be too focused on it. If she ends up not wanting to be with you, if she ends up not liking you, then just let her go.
So I would say don't Don't focus on her too much. I've got to somehow impress her. No, you don't have to. No, don't do that. Just talk to her. Be yourself.
Be confident. Be yourself. And see if there's a connection. That's all. You obviously have an attraction to her. See if she has one to you. I don't like that.
This is the one thing I don't like about gaming. is that it's a bunch of tricks that work short-term, maybe, if you do them well. But they're not going to work long-term if it's not who you really are.
I mean, there's some general guidelines that you'll find in those books, like The Rational Mail, that are good to understand. But trying to do things to be impressive, you've got to think long-term. So I would say don't. Just be your best self and be confident.
And maybe it'll work out and maybe it won't. Strangely, this will help you. Okay? You guys should see a movie called... Men, especially, should see this movie.
It's called The Tao of Steve. Tao is spelled with a T. T-A-O of Steve is a guy's name. I don't know if you can find it. It was kind of a small movie. It's old.
The Tao of Steve is about the topics of dating and a guy who is kind of like trying to attract girls. But one of the key points, which is very good in the movie, something that the rational mailbooks will talk about too, is that the more you get so focused on, I must impress this girl, I must impress her, then it's like you're desperate, and it actually shows weakness, and it's unattractive.
And the more you're kind of calm and relaxed about it, it shows strength, and it's actually more attractive. So there you go. Amir says, we see many times in Hollywood that adults leave their home when they grow up at around age 20. Is this true in real life?
In America, yeah, that's common. 21. If they go to college, they leave at 18, go to college, come back in the summer maybe, and then once they graduate, yes. Yeah, that's the normal thing.
If they don't go to college, then it might be earlier. Okay, let's see if there's anything else. Boy, this is going long, guys. This is a long one. Hmm.
Yeah, Hussein has a nice comment. Marriage is responsibility. Not just entertainment, it's a commitment. That's how I would say it. I mean, this is why it was always, it was seen as a spiritual commitment.
Not just, as you said, not just entertainment, not just dating. Okay, I think we're almost done. Okay. Yeah, Hussein's got a... This is actually... I agree with this.
I don't know. I don't know. I can't speak for all marriages, but to be successful in marriage, you need, generally, in your daily life, to be humorous. Yeah, I think humor does help.
It definitely helps if you can be humorous or silly, so it's not always heavy, heavy, heavy. So it adds a little lightness to the relationship, that it that you can kind of laugh together I think that is probably is a I don't know about everybody I know some people are just serious but yeah that's good it's good in life I think it does help relationships the ability to laugh together and just be light so it's not just a bunch of serious discussions all the time for sure I agree I think that is very nice yes it's a good sign
If you can kind of laugh together, joke together, or be silly. You don't have to tell jokes like a stand-up comedian, but it just shows an ease that you can really relax and have fun together and laugh at things.
Yeah, that's really nice. I agree. That's a good sign. That would be, I don't know what the opposite of a red flag is. I don't think we have an idiom for that.
But it's a green light. There you go. A green flag, maybe. It's a good sign. It's a very good sign. If you share some humor together and you can have fun together and laugh together.
That's a very good sign in a relationship. good point well said yeah like Tomas says when I'm 38 years old and he's still single but hoping to get married or find the right woman but when I was 20 to 30 I was definitely not ready for wife kids now I am
Right. So that's exactly. So that's what I was saying before is that there's not one right answer, guys. It really depends. Like, people have different life paths, right?
And just very different personalities. There are just some people who, like, you know, they're ready at a very young age to just kind of jump in and have like a full-time job and career, and they kind of have a very clear vision of what they want in their life. They're very confident about it.
They're ready to get married, have kids quite young for now, you know, in our modern time. And then there are other people, kind of like me, like Tomas maybe, who, you know, they're 22 and they have their no idea what they want to do, what to do with their life.
None of it. And they need many more years to wander around and figure out things until they're ready. So I just don't think, yeah, I think there's not a right answer for that. It really depends.
You've got to figure that one out yourself. Did I fly from Munich to Charlotte? I don't think so. No. Flores. Is the purpose of cultural Marxism to avoid marriage?
Is to destroy families? Completely destroy the family so that the government replaces family. Read Brave New World. Go back and watch our book club for Brave New World.
That's what cultural Marxism is aiming for. Hussein says, I've noticed in my married life that men generally don't use reason, but listen to their emotions.
That would be the stereotype. Yes, I'd say overall women are probably a bit more focused on the emotions and men Typically, at least traditionally, less so. This can be a problem for communication.
So this is one reason we've got to figure these things out and learn how to communicate despite our differences. Do you think it's okay when a girl tries to attract a boy?
Yeah, all girls try to attract boys. And does the first steps towards him. It's okay. Don't be too aggressive about it. Don't be masculine because it can kind of be a turnoff.
But, you know, you guys have your tricks. We know. Okay, a couple more and then I'm going to go. We've gone a long time tonight. Wow. Humor is a sign of connection, says Pascal.
Yeah, exactly. It's a very good sign of connection, right? It's a very good sign. It's a green flag. I don't know. I think of some other green flags, but that's a big one.
The ability to relax together, like really be yourself where you're not performing for the other person. You're not trying to impress them. You're just very comfortable being yourself, and they are also. That's another green flag.
Loyalty is a big green flag. Giant one Yeah, like Jermila says, here in Czech Republic, my grandma overcame World War I. My mom overcame World War II in the communist era.
I myself was living for a long time in the communist era as well. Maybe in the Czech Republic, the history makes people stronger. Absolutely. I think it's not...
If you look at Europe, you can clearly see that the Eastern European countries in general, in general, the Eastern Europeans are stronger people now, and the Western Europeans are weaker, and in some cases, weak and insane, and also America. So yeah, all that toughness and difficulty did create some benefits. It made stronger people, for sure, I would say that.
That's my observation. Yeah. Momin says, my dad married my mom at the age of 40. There you go. Good. Alexi says, should a man marry without a clear career without money?
I would say no. because this is a sign of being lost, like of not really knowing what to do with your life, of what kind of life you want to live. It seems like then marrying someone when you're really clueless about these things is probably a bad idea. There are always exceptions.
We can always find exceptions to this. But overall, it probably wouldn't work out very well. Get your life together. Get your life straight and going well and generally clear.
Of course, you can still make changes later, but just overall, have that confidence that you know who you are and what you want in life. Are girls... Let's see. Does it get harder to date someone with time? I think you're asking about age gap.
All right. Is it possible a girl may be afraid of an age gap? Maybe some girls and some don't care. I think overall it's less of a problem if the guy, the man is older.
A lot of girls have no problem with that. But you can find the opposite sometimes too. But it's pretty common actually. I think it's very common for the man to be older.
So I Of course, as the gap gets really big, then it might become a problem for some people. But on the other hand, you will find examples of people with quite large age gaps. So just wouldn't worry about it.
Yeah, green flags. They're comfortable with them. You have some humor with them. They are loyal to you, right? In tough times, they stick with you. They're loyal.
Loyalty is a big one, obviously. Iago says, do you think having a child is a big loss of money? No, it's not. I'm glad you asked this question. It's kind of the next step, I guess, after marriage, right?
It's bullshit. This is one reason. It's one of the... I don't know. Does it come from Hollywood or something? Where people think that kids cost so much money.
It comes from the media. I think I've seen articles, more like print media, about this. Like, oh, the cost of raising kids and it's so high. It's total bullshit.
It's total bullshit. No. Kids do not cost... They don't have to cost a lot of money. I mean, you can go crazy if you want, I guess. But... No. No. I mean, they're pretty cheap.
It's really, they don't, when they're little, they don't eat much. I mean, I know when they're teenagers, you're going to increase your food costs, okay? But, you know, clothes is nothing. Just don't buy expensive clothes.
Buy used clothes. Heck, with our babies, you know, we have so many relatives, you know, their aunts and their uncles and grandparents and everybody that that have had kids already. So they give us all the old clothes from their kids.
We don't have to buy anything. I don't think we've, we hardly buy any toys because everybody gives us toys all the time. Our relatives, our family. So there really no, there are almost, there are very little costs involved.
So no, not really. It doesn't, no, you can have a child and it can cost very, very, very little extra money. Don't use that as an excuse. Have kids. If you want to have kids, have kids.
Just jump and do it. If the idea of having kids makes you happy, you think it'd be great, just do it. All this other stuff is just fear. It's media fear.
They don't want you to have kids. Have kids. Okay. Okay. Yeah, here you go. Like Jarmila says, both my grandmoms had eight children each. They were forced to be strong.
Eight kids each. This was normal in the past, right? We're so weak now. Oh, my God. And I had these ideas, too. I'm not criticizing you. I had all these stupid ideas, too.
And most of it's just fear. It's just fear. It's media fear, right? Right. They had eight kids each. Impressive. If you want to have kids, have kids. Enjoy.
Enjoy. Don't fear. There's nothing to fear about it. I think, is a small family better than big? I say the opposite. Big is better than small. Okay, guys, I think that's it.
Time to end this one. That was a long one. All right, well, thank you for everybody for participating in that. Maybe we'll do this topic again. It seems like a very popular topic.
So, yeah, maybe I'll do it again. What is today? Tuesday? Tuesday. Yeah. But anyway, I don't know. I'll be back. If the Internet's still up, I'll be back again tomorrow with a different topic.
And if you all really like this topic, tell me on Gab, and we can always come back and do it again. Maybe I'll, you know, maybe we could do, maybe for our next book club, because we're doing The Hobbit now.
We still have some time to finish it. But then the next book will be nonfiction. Maybe we could do one about marriage or relationships or something. That would be kind of different.
And then we could, that would give us a chance to read a book on this topic and discuss the ideas about this topic. So if you really like this topic, tell me on Gab and, you know, tell me, yes, please do the book club about relationships.
Okay, well, lots of love to you. Join my VIP program at effortlessenglishclub.com. Join at effortlessenglishclub.com. And I will see you next time. Have a great day.
Bye for now.