Coffee n Talk | Leadership

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coffee and chat on another summer day in Japan. I'm standing outside of the coffee shop as usual. This is the New York coffee shop here in Osaka. Hot and humid day.

A nice hot summer day. I like it. Had a good show last night, live show. Did a live show last night, the live video show, on Facebook. I plan to continue doing my live video shows on Facebook instead of YouTube.

Of course... Video show recordings all go to YouTube and the blog. And the audio goes on to the audio podcast always. So don't worry, you won't miss anything.

Live shows are always recorded and added to all of those places. But I've tested doing the live video shows on YouTube and I've also tested doing them on Facebook. And I like Facebook better because the comments are better. I've noticed that the commenters on Facebook just have better questions.

They're more focused on the topic. They're paying attention to the topic. Lots of kind of nonsense on the YouTube comments I've noticed where people are just trying to gossip and chat and...

Not even paying attention very much. And in general I find YouTube comments are just kind of low quality oftentimes. So Facebook it is. Live videos I'll be doing.

Facebook. And then the recordings will be put onto YouTube. The audio recordings will of course go to the audio podcast. And of course here comes the police making noise.

This is the problem of recording in the city. The audio podcast, of course, has these casual chats, which the videos... People who watch only video don't get these, so good for you.

Now, one thing I've noticed, one interesting thing I like, actually, about doing the live shows is that I can see your comments and your reactions, and I get a feeling for...

kind of what problems you may have, what questions are common, what challenges a lot of people have. And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again I've noticed this pattern of the number one problem or fear that

that so many people have, which is this worry and this fear about what other people think. It's actually surprised me a bit. I mean, I knew this was an issue.

I knew this was a problem for many people, but I just had no idea how big a problem this was. How many people are held back, are stopped by this fear.

This fear, this worry of what other people think is. You know, the fear of failure. And what is the fear of failure? Well, when I look at it and examine it, I think for most people, it's not really the failure they're afraid of.

I mean, because what's the result of failing? Let's say you try to start a business and you fail. What's the result? You go get a job. It's no big deal.

You're not going to die or anything. what's so what is the real fear the real fear is that you're going to be laughed at or criticized right it's the opinions of other people that's what the fear is of that's why people are afraid to fail it seems is because they're afraid of the opinions of others

Another thing I've noticed, people who just want to go off and do something, go off and travel and see the world, quit their job, start a business, just do anything different or interesting or crazy, that oftentimes they're also stopped. They're held back. They're stopped by the fact that

there's no one else to do it with. Right? They seem like they have this need that they need a partner. I've seen this come up with about businesses. Well, how do I find a partner to do my business?

How do I find an investor? Right? They're always looking for someone else. Someone else who's going to join in. Someone else who's going to, I don't know, give permission.

Someone else who will do it with them. So my favorite writer, Thoreau, has a great example of how to think about this. And he talks about, let's imagine. Imagine you're going to go on a big trip.

You want to take a big trip somewhere. You want to go on a big journey. And he makes the point that if you need someone else to go with you on the journey... Well, then you might have to wait a very long time until you can go.

You have to first ask around and keep asking and find somebody who's willing to go, who wants to go on this trip with you. And if they do want to go, then you have to, you know, fit their schedule, find out their schedule. And, you know, maybe they can't go when you want to go. And then this can cause a big, long delay and it can take a very long time to finally go on your journey, your trip.

And maybe you'll never go. Maybe you'll never find somebody who wants to do what you want to do, go where you want to go at the same time. And he makes the point that if you're willing to go alone, well then, you can just walk out your door immediately. There's no delay at all.

You can just go. And so he's making the point that, of course, a journey or a trip or travel is a metaphor. It's an example for any journey. thing you want to do in life, any risk you want to take, any project you want to try, any decision you want to make, that if you have to wait around for other people to approve, to give you permission, or to join you, you can end up waiting a very, very long time, maybe waiting forever and never doing it.

But if you will simply Be strong and do it yourself and not wait around for anyone else. That you can accomplish many things in life without delay. Just do it.

As Nike said, just do it. And I think this is the best kind of leadership also. With... Certain kinds of leadership we have to talk and be persuasive.

All of that's good. All of that's useful. Good, useful skills. But I think the best leadership of all is to simply do. Is to simply take action and lead by example.

Show people rather than tell them. Right? This is a common persuasion thing. technique. It's a phrase a lot of people use, by the way, in good writing and good communication.

Show, don't tell. Show, don't tell. That the most powerful persuasion is to show people rather than saying it. Instead of saying, I'll give you my own example.

So I'm going to talk about this in the video show tonight. But let's say I want to convince you, oh, you know, traveling is so great and independent travel is fun and really, you know, you should do it and I could talk and talk and talk about it.

But perhaps the most persuasive thing to do would be for me to simply show you, for me to take an independent trip, to travel, and to have a great time, and maybe take some pictures, and then come back afterwards and say, oh my God, it was so great, it was so fun, and I did this, I did that.

By leading by example, I would be more likely to get you excited about it. And indeed, this has happened in my own life, that when I first went traveling when I was younger, I just went alone because it was hard to find anybody else who would do it.

I wanted to go off to places like India and Thailand and Japan and very hard to find someone to go with me so i just went by myself and i started traveling by myself and i did a couple trips by myself and i'd come back and then guess what happened my friends started to get more and more interested in traveling and started asking me more and eventually several of my friends did go traveling and i did end up taking trips with them later in my life but

for many years in the beginning i just traveled alone instead of waiting around trying to convince someone else to join me i just did it this is the same with business by the way when people ask about oh you know how do i find a partner well my answer is don't you don't need a partner in fact partner is usually a very bad idea starting a new business

It makes you much, much less likely to succeed if you have a partner. You're much more likely to have lots of problems. I don't care if they're your best friend. And in fact, if they're your best friend, that could even cause bigger problems and could destroy your friendship.

I'm speaking from experience, by the way. I have tried to do businesses with family members and friends, and it just usually doesn't work. So it's just an excuse, I find. Again, it's this fear of just, I don't know what the fear is really, honestly, but it's this kind of fear of going off on your own.

But that's the way to do it. If you're going to start your own business, just start it. You. Just you. Just do it. You don't need a partner. You don't need investors.

You don't need anyone's permission. If you want to travel, just do it. You don't need anyone to go with you. You don't need anyone's permission. You don't need anyone to encourage you.

Just do it. Now, the cool thing is after you just do it a few times, you actually will start to get people who want to join you because they'll see your success. They'll see your experiences.

And then they'll start to get inspired and then you will find some may start asking questions and some will be more persuaded by you and some will want to start joining you in some of these things. But it usually happens after you take the action and show them the results of

Because again, most people are afraid. Most people are afraid to do anything on their own. Most people are afraid to do anything first. So when you do something first, when you just go and do it, it's like suddenly you make them stronger, right?

Suddenly they're more willing to do it because now you've shown them. Now they don't have to do it first. So they become less afraid when you show them that it can be done.

That's leadership. That's real leadership. It's leadership to just take action on what you want to do in life, to just try things in life that you want to try without waiting, without waiting for anyone else.

You charge ahead and you just do it. So this whole idea of needing people's permission, needing people's approval, needing people's encouragement, it just holds you back. It just stops you. This is the number one thing that makes people into kind of mental slaves in all areas of life.

Money, business, education, socially, everything, everything. And what's interesting is that it really is such an irrational fear in the end. It's so irrational.

Non-rational, not rational, not logical. As I've said in previous shows, when you really examine the possibilities, when you really examine... The risks, for most of these things, the risks are very, very, very small.

You start a business, it's a very small risk. If you do, if you're not stupid, if you do it in a smart way, don't take out some huge loan. You just start with something small. The risk is super small.

There's almost no risk at all. Just your ego. That's all that's being risked is your ego. It's the ego of a risk of appearing foolish or failing in front of people you know.

Oh my God, they might criticize me. They might laugh at me. I might feel embarrassed in front of them. That's the risk. If you're really honest, that's the risk most people are afraid of.

It's the same with homeschooling even, I've noticed, with parents. I've noticed this with my own sister. She knows the school systems are crap. She's worried about at least a couple of her children being in the school system because they maybe need some different personal attention.

So she's worried about sending them into the school system. But she's going to do it anyway. She does it anyway. She has done it anyway. and when I really talked to her about it it's again it's just this worry about what will people think I can just tell it's just well that's what everybody does and so that's what she's gonna do oh how will they be socialized oh it's just all these social worries about in the end it comes down to other people's opinions and I guess I have been blessed with just caring a lot less about what other people think I just don't care haha

because I don't care about them and I see that as a very positive thing in the sense of I don't care if other people fail I don't think it's anything to be embarrassed about it's no big deal to me and I don't care if other people are really successful good for them great because neither one affects me in any way

So why would I care about that? I find that my own life and my own family and my own business keep me very, very busy. And that's all I need to focus on.

And I think that a lot of people who have all these fears, if they just would stop worrying, they could completely change their lives and have much, much, much happier lives if they stopped caring or really worrying so much about what other people think or might think. Because the truth is, most other people probably care less than you imagine.

If you really did try to start your business and failed... You may have in your mind some terrible embarrassment reaction. Whereas the truth is most people would probably just ignore it.

Maybe they might say like one comment and most people just really would not care that much. They don't care because they're focused on their own lives.

You're imagining most of this. Most of these fears are just completely imaginary. Even the social ones. And even if those fears happened, just imagine you try to start your own business or you homeschool your kids or whatever.

And everybody you know laughs at you. So what? Will you die because of that? Will you be in physical pain because of that? Will you starve because of that?

No, nothing happens. They laugh and you just say, well, I don't care. And then that's the end. They have no power. It has no power at all. It's just your ego.

So all of this is good news. What I'm saying is this. Just do. Lead by example. Stop waiting. Stop waiting for other people. Stop waiting for other people to give you permission.

Stop waiting for other people to approve. Stop waiting for other people to join you. Stop waiting for other people to support you. Just do what you want to do with your life.

Take action. Do it. And what you will find is you will become a leader just by doing that. You will become a leader just by doing that because most people are afraid to do it.

You don't have to be super persuasive. You don't need super communication skills. You don't need super communication skills. None of that. Just by taking action again and again.

Being bold. Being strong. Doing. Doing what so many other people want to do but are afraid to do. Just by doing. People will start to look at you as a leader.

They'll see you as a leader because you do while they imagine. You do while they stop and hesitate. You do while they fear. That's the easiest and most powerful kind of leadership there is.

All right, well, watch the video show tonight. I'll talk more about this in the Effortless English video show later today. And join my VIP program. Learn more about leadership in my VIP program, EffortlessEnglishClub.com, EffortlessEnglishClub.com.