You Don't Actually Want to Change

Well, all right, massively screwed-up humanoids, confused. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to everybody. I mean, you might have been confused like right now.

That's why you're listening to the podcast. But there's some of y'all, you've been confused your whole life. And you just found the podcast. It's a good day.

I need a boost. I need a daily boost. I need a daily boost. It's so funny. I had a couple of coaching calls today, so I'm talking like this just... Two calls in a row.

And then I get done with the last call I was on. And I walk out. My wife has come home from the gym. I mean, she went to the gym at 7 o'clock this morning.

She got home at like 11. What a life she has. I mean, it benefits me too. I mean, she's pretty hot. But I start talking to her for like a half an hour.

And she goes, do you have any podcasts to do right now? I said, yeah. She goes, maybe you ought to go in there and record one because you're just going to talk it out loud with me. And that's just what I do.

My name is Scott. Good to have you. Thanks. By the way, today, a little bit of a happy rant, if you will. I got some energy today. Who knows what's going to happen?

There is no script. Well, there is a script. I'll tell you about that here in a second, okay? It's not really a script. I don't script my crap out, okay?

I just give you what I got, and that's all I got. Tomorrow, I got more because it's like Doritos. We make more all the time, okay? A little practical wisdom, a little fun, a couple of ideas, and yes, with a positive, uplifting, joyful attitude because I just believe the world can be a hot mess, and that's okay.

That's okay. We can make a lot of stuff out of a good hot mess. We really can. So I'm on this face your passion coaching call. And I love my calls when I get on.

I don't have that many clients. I have like eight right now. I usually between five and eight. I just can't do more than that. It takes the energy out of me.

And I think anything you do for your job, you should get energy from it. And currently I have the most amazing people on the planet and everybody else is in my group coaching programs.

And we have great conversations because it's kind of a different vibe, right? If you haven't been in a good group, you're really missing out. It's so cool to be with a group of people who think like you. Anyway, I'm on this call.

And it's a good call. And Erin's here. Erin's my problem child. She's 30, but actually she's 60 because we raised her right. And she's very, very mature and didn't used to be.

I mean, I take 100% credit for that. No, I do not. I do. I have nothing. I have no control over anything. None. I can push you. I can drag you. I can try to talk sense into you.

I try to talk sense out of you. I got no control over nothing. Zero. I give up. I don't have control over anything. Hey, but Erin says to me this. She goes, Scott, could you do a podcast?

Because I asked her, I said, I'm going to do a podcast when the show's over. Erin, would you like me to do about a certain topic? And she goes, yes. Do one about why people don't change.

She's been changing a lot, by the way, but I know she has a lot on her mind right now. Do one about why people don't change. And I'm really perplexed here and I'm trying to keep a straight face. I'm thinking to myself, hang on, let me tell you exactly.

So what the hell? That's all I ever talk about. That's all I ever talk about. Why you don't change, why you change, how to change. That's all I ever talk about.

I don't know why it's stupid, too, because people hate change. Do you really? I've been coming real close. Get some Scott logic here. I hate change, Scott.

Don't make me change. I don't believe you. If I give you good change, you'll do it in a second, won't you? Ha, see? It's like motivation doesn't work.

Yeah, it doesn't work until you're down and out and you need somebody to motivate you and pump you up. Well, see? Sorry if it's your first time. I really apologize.

I've done this a long time and long enough now that I think it's time to get messy with you. If you've listened to me for a long time, you're hearing these shows get a little bit loosey-goosey, having some fun, kind of digging deep, going down inside. I might say the F word before you know it. Who knows?

It could happen. I don't say need to, but I do. Sometimes I do. I'm really good at punctuation. I really am. Sometimes I think a good F-bomb, it's like, man, if you hit it just the right time, just the right way, it's awesome.

Every other word, no. I think that's stupid. That's ignorant, but appropriately used. Oh, yeah. But not today. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that.

Mommy, what's an F-bomb? They already know. Come on. They got the internet. Scott, could you tell me why people don't change? Yes. So here's what I did.

I went to Claude. I use Claude as my main... I use Co-Work and Claude Code and all that cool stuff. I'm pretty freaking savvy when it comes to this AI stuff.

I get a lot of cool stuff done, but here's what I did. Let me tell you how this show came about today. Because I'm lazy, I didn't want to work at it, but I didn't want to be completely unprepared, even though it sounds like I am, which means I'm such a great performer at what I do. I can be so completely...

I forgot my train. I thought forget about that. I was talking about being prepared, I think. But I went to Claude. I said, Claude, Erin asked me this question.

She asked about, you know, why people don't change. I talk about it all the time, but, you know, whatever. But maybe you can take this transcript and you can run through the transcript and you can find that section and you can pull out me. Give me nine bullet points because nine bullet points is a number that I like.

I tend to, if I have nine bullet points, it keeps me on track. It gives you, you know, 12 to 15 minutes and no scripting. I said, great. And it spit it out to me in like, I don't know, 30 seconds.

I said, this is awesome. Is there anything else I can do for you? I said, no, it's good. I just need something to keep me on track. And you see how well it's working right now.

And I said, great. Give me a holler when you're ready to move forward. I said, give you a holler. When did I teach you to say, give me a holler? When did my AI, did my AI come from Appalachia?

Give me a holler. If you got moonshine, maybe. Okay, so why are people afraid to change? Somebody's saying, Scott, I'm five minutes and 48 seconds in this podcast and you have yet to teach me a damn thing.

Right. What you don't know is you learn so much already, mostly about patience and having a sense of humor and about anticipation and a few other things. You don't even know it. You're so quick trying.

Give me the hook, man. Seven seconds. Teach me everything. Help me save the world in seven seconds. Hook, hook, hook, hook, hook. No. So why don't people change?

They don't know what they're chasing. That's first. I said that today. They have no clear vision. No settled idea of where they you fit. You can't change towards something when you can't name the something.

I spent a lot of time in that world. I will put a label on you. Scott, don't put a label on me. Nobody labels me. Okay. What if I put a label on you that was better than the one you put on yourself?

What if I put a label on you that you couldn't label yourself? What if you had an idea or something, a feeling, and I can put a label on you and tell you what that was, and while it may not be the final place you went to, it was enough to get you one more step.

What if you finally knew what you were chasing? Hmm, what else? They have no peaceful base. You've heard me talk about this a lot. I coined the term peaceful base.

I got the domain. I coined the term one day during a coaching call. We're talking about a foundation of life, of all the stuff that needs to be in place before you can succeed. You cannot build a cool life on a hot mess.

You can't do it. Can't do it. Dana Carvey there, right? Can't do it. Yeah, so you have a peaceful base, right? What does that mean? Well, listen, if your bank account is empty, you ain't got no peaceful base.

If your time management is out of control, you ain't got no peaceful base. Hang on, I'm approaching Southern Baptist minister now. Your spouse isn't giving you, isn't on the same page. You ain't got no peaceful base.

You can't build change on top of chaos. You got to get that base first. It's got to be solid. Okay, that's my limit of Southern Baptist preacher. Sorry about that.

What else? Well, they haven't found their place in the universe. You haven't found your place in the universe. Religious, spiritual, philosophical, pick a lane, guys.

If you're still chasing meaning and you're 50, you're going to keep chasing instead of changing. I could preach that one. May I? If you're still chasing meaning at 50, you're going to keep chasing instead of changing.

Hey, there's a calling here for, I really want to mean this. Listen, if you're a spiritual person, you're a universal person. That's cool. Listen, I dig, I'm a universal person.

I am. I just think God created the universe. That's all kind of puts me in a little different way of thinking. So if you're just a universal person, then you find your place in the universe.

Where do you fit? I would say most of personal development is built in people searching the universe for who they are. I know God made me. I know where I fit.

That's fine. I can always lean back on that. That's it. I just know my place. That's all I got to know. Everything else is up to me. It's like I've been very, very famous for saying, and my daughter gets so mad when I say this.

I said, Dad, you can't talk like that. You can't think like that. So freaking God put me on the years. He knew what he was getting into, and then he doesn't want me to be somebody else.

He wants me to be me. I picked my lane. Welcome to my lane today. I'm so sorry. I apologize. What else? People hide in easy work. It is easier to build a funnel.

I have a friend of mine building a funnel right now. You know what a funnel is. It was not that long ago before we didn't know what funnels were. Now everybody knows what a funnel is and everybody hates them.

Funnels don't work. Yeah, they do. Mess with the tech. Oh, everybody loves to mess with the tech. Guilty. Honor as your honor as charged. Redo the website.

Guilty. Just did it. Tweak the planner. Oh, double, double guilty. Then you actually do the thing that grows the business. Hmm. Eventually. Sure looks like progress, isn't it?

It isn't. I see this all the time. So people, people say they're going to change and they don't change because when they do change, you're doing everything but what it takes to change.

Listen, here's the deal. Talked about this yesterday. Some things have to go away if you're going to change and you don't want to give it up. No human wants to give up anything.

Even if you don't like it, it's who I am. I'm not going to give it. I hear this all the time, man. I can't give that up. It's who I am. Yeah, but that's not working for you.

Can you see it? Yeah, yeah, but I thought we could work it out. I don't want to give up who I am. Sometimes you do. I'm just saying. A lot of life coaches say, you're not broken.

And then they spend their whole life trying to fix you. I don't understand that. At least psychologists say, you're broken. Keep showing up forever and we'll fix you.

Just pay your bill every week. You're freaking broken. Listen, if you get out of bed and life is not going the way you want it to go, don't you feel broken?

Why can't I get it to work? Why do I feel this way? Why do they say that? Why do I do this? Why do I do that? You're eating too much, drinking too much, all that kind of stuff.

Don't you feel broke? Yeah, I just accept it. Because if it's broken, I can fix it. It's not a bad way. I don't get depressed. I don't get upset. I don't do that.

I don't do that. I can't do that. I can't be depressed. Oh, I've tried. I've had moments where I said, I just don't feel, I'm not going to get out of bed today.

Now, it's been a long time. I'm not talking depression, depression, real depression, okay? That's just real. I'm talking about just down and out kind of stuff.

I don't get that very long because you know what? I get this grin and this smirk on my face. It's like, come on, stupid. You know better than that. Yeah, can't look in the mirror, be angry, so I get up and do stuff.

What else did they do? Well, they confuse the tool with the work. Being a good manager isn't what built a business. In my case, like being good at production, making audio and stuff, it isn't what built my podcast.

People mistake their skill with their mission and their gift, and they keep polishing the wrong thing. I do this all the time. If you listen to my podcast, you hear me talking about being in the band.

There's the band. People join the band. I want to be in the band. I want to play the guitar. I'm in the band. The lead singer joins the band. He doesn't make a choice.

Well, I'm in the band, but I'm the lead singer. He didn't choose to be the lead singer. He just is. That's it. But a lead singer has to know how to use a microphone, has to know the technique of music and all that stuff.

But that's not what they do. They just sing their song. Are you that person? Did you choose to be in something because you want to be in the band? Or are you like, no, I'm in the band, but I'm the boss.

I bet you met people like that, right? People who are just, that's it? Who do they think they are? The boss? Yeah. That's who I am. I'm a great team player, but make no mistake.

I'm the reason we succeed. Does that sound bad? It's just true. I'm sorry. It is. Maybe you feel that way. Maybe you don't. Hmm. I'll tell you some real stuff here.

You know, I'm getting old. I'm going to die like sooner than you probably. So what the hell, what are you going to do anyway? Oh, did I say that out loud?

I didn't mean to. Sometimes when my, sometimes my, yeah, well, you know, some of y'all have learned not to move your lips when you think, haven't you? I haven't learned that skill yet because I've learned it's profitable to move the lips when I think out loud.

No, that's just being truth. Okay. What's next? People stay ideological too long. They bounce ideas around, opinions around, identities. They never land into the area called responsibility.

Change requires you to commit and to own something, not just to think about it. If you're ideological, everybody is a little bit. When I think of ideological, I think of politics. Just going to say it, okay?

And I don't argue with idiots, okay? whether you're left, right, or center. I don't argue with an idiot. If you're ideological and I pinpoint you being an ideologue, we are not going to have a conversation.

Why? Because I'm one too, and we're not going to agree. That's somewhat true, but I just understood that actually I will talk to anybody about anything.

I am willing to consider just about any change that I need to, whether it's politics or my life in general. That's how values are formed. Values change over your life. Have you figured that out?

They do. I mean, this is who I've always been. Well, it doesn't mean that who you always need to be. And I'm not saying go out this weekend and meet somebody who's not good for you and change your values.

But I am saying that if you go out and you have experiences or you have discussions or conversations or debates and you say, you know what, that got me thinking a little bit differently.

Maybe I do need to update my stinking thinking a little bit. Didn't even know it was stinking before. Most people are ideological too long. They bounce around the ideas, their opinions.

They stay in their identity too long. And what they never really do is fully land on the part of responsibility. Taking responsibility for what's going on around you, including how your brain works.

You got to commit. You got to own something. Now just think about it. Hmm. Wow. That's a scary conversation. Hmm. People want every day to feel like joy.

And I think she should be joyful all the time. I've always believed that way. And that's why I married a wife named Joy. Why not? Just build it right in.

I hear Joy all day long. Joy, Joy, Joy. Yes, you calling me? Nope, I'm just happy. She doesn't know the difference. Yes, she does. When the admin gets ugly or the work feels like work, people assume they pick the wrong thing and they start over again and again and again.

But real change, you know, it does have unglamorous stretches. You don't have to love it. You just can't quit. You hear me all the time talk about passion, purpose, meaning, and legacy.

You know, passion and pain. Look at the original understanding of passion. I mean, I know in America these days, in 20s, passion's all about passion. First off, it was like passion.

Wah, wah, wah. You know what I mean? And the other thing is, oh, just go find your passion and live your passion. It's a passionate life. I'm mocking the crap out of that because that's not what it is.

Passion is pain. Because sometimes pain is joyful. So people want to live like, hey, it's happy, happy, happy all the time. The reality is that sometimes the good stuff in life that really makes you come alive, it doesn't feel like it at the time, does it?

I'm trying to fix that. I don't agree with it. I've got a memo in with the boss trying to say, you know what? I just like, don't know why I'm going through this.

I know it's a plan. Don't understand why. I know, I get it. I've read the Bible, but I don't understand it totally. Can I send you a memo and see if we can adjust this so we never have to go through bad times, so we can just be joyful every single day?

Because I'm the first person to ever think like this, and I'm going to be the leader on this. Obviously, I'm mocking this like crazy, but I'm just saying, sometimes it's unglamorous. Just seeing you smile and get through it.

What else? I have two more. Oh, man, look, we're way over. You got extra overtime today. That's either good or bad. I'm not sure what it is. You're sitting in your parking lot right now.

Dude, I'm at work. I expected maybe 13, 15 minutes, and now you're at 17 already, and I can tell you're going to go three more. I mean, I'm going to be late. You can't do this to me.

You can't surprise me like this. You've got to give me what I expect. I am. I am. You're just maybe expecting something different. People try to control what they can't, and they ignore what they can.

They kind of wrestle with other people with outcomes and timing. It's exhausting. The minute you let go of controlling everything, you free up a lot of energy and you actually change yourself.

It's pretty powerful when that happens. I know it's hard. Listen, I don't know about you, but it's really hard to even control myself, to get myself to do the things I know are good for me to do every single day, day after day after day. It's really hard.

And I've been doing this a long time, so it doesn't get any easier. It just doesn't. Every day is new, right? I get it. And when you factor in everybody else around you and all the stuff that happens, if you try to control everything around you, it is just a recipe for disaster.

Any idea why you don't want to change when you're trying to control everything and you're exhausted from having to do it? Why would you want to change to get more of that? Because that's your attitude. It's like, wait a second.

I can't control this now. I'm going to change and then it's still going to be a mess. Not necessarily. What else? People go at it alone. Or drag everybody kicking and screaming.

It's like no CEO-COO split. These words came right off the call this morning. No one to bounce ideas off of. No team. It changes hard enough without trying to do it all by yourself.

It really is. You got to have your people. You got to have your conversation. That's why I literally 100% 6'7". See? I'm not just a boomer. I'm a boomer who talks Zoomie.

I'm telling you. It's hard, man. It's hard to drag along and it's hard to not have anybody to work with. That's what I was saying. That's why I'm such a big fan of the group coaching I do because it's not about me.

I'm a facilitator. That's all I am. I'm able to kind of facilitate people in a certain direction and the conversation happens. That's why we have such huge retention.

I think people come in and expect, I'll be with you two or three months and they stay five years because this conversation just keeps going. Okay, this is not about me selling my coaching. But you know what? Damn well it ought to be because it's freaking good.

You should buy it, okay? The podcast is free, but imagine if you had me in front of you. No, you can't. There's nothing to buy today. Sorry. I know you want to, but if you wanted to try, you can send an email to coaching at motivationtoemove.com and you can say, I know you don't want to take me right now, but maybe someday.

But no, no openings right now. But maybe there will be. I'm not trying to influence you.