BE: Socializing in English Part 2 - Invitation or Polite Goodbye?

This is the Business English Podcast, Socializing in English, Part 2. Invitation or polite goodbye. Welcome to the Business English Podcast from All Ears English. Get the English skills you need to achieve your dreams in global business.

For a presentation, a meeting, or your office party, this is Real Business English with your favorite American hosts, Lindsay and Aubrey, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA.

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Hello, Lindsay. How are you today? Good, Aubrey. I have a question for you. Let's hear it. So have you ever had an experience like this? You've chatted with someone and they might say something like, we should do this again sometime, but you know that you'll probably never see them again.

Has that ever happened to you anywhere? It's always funny when you don't have each other's numbers and you're like chatting at a party or something. And they say, we should do this. We should do this again sometime, or we should meet for coffee sometime.

And you know, they don't have your number. And then there's that beat where it's like, are they going to ask for a number? Should I ask for their number? You're like, not quite sure what to do.

It's so tricky. Oh, it's so funny. I mean, socializing in English is a huge topic that honestly, a lot of courses just do not cover. A lot of straight up English courses do not cover.

We assume that vocabulary, idioms, expressions are going to get you there, but it doesn't. It falls short. Yeah. Yes, exactly. And Americans, North Americans use phrases that sound like an invitation, but are actually a polite goodbye.

And they don't see this as dishonest or rude. They just see it as polite. But I can imagine it's super confusing for people from other countries and other cultures. Often it would be so tricky.

Oh my gosh. And this happens a lot at work too, Aubrey, doesn't it? Absolutely. Could it happen with someone that you've worked with for years? What do you think?

Yes, definitely. What if you work together for years and then finally go to a happy hour? So you're in sort of a little bit more of a social context, right? Yeah.

Or new colleagues, like this could happen with anyone you work with, right? It could also be someone you meet at a conference or networking events. We all find ourselves in these situations where there are these unwritten social rules that we have to decode. Yes, guys.

Super important to know. And if you're not aware of this aspect of American culture, North American culture, I think it's pretty similar in Canada, right? You might be confused and you might accidentally create that awkward situation. But we did start this special series that we're doing this month over on the All Ears English podcast.

That was part one of our series, Aubrey. That was a great episode. Yeah. Yes. And stay to the end. We'll give you details if you missed it. You can definitely listen to these out of order.

We are sharing a three-part series here on Business English and also on the All There's English podcast with a lot of strategies and insights into English-speaking cultures, things that you need to know in order to not be confused or potentially offended or take something personally when there's no ill intent.

Yes, for sure. But in today's episode, we're going to focus on phrases, kind of key phrases that should put up a red flag in our mind as being phrases that sound like an invitation, but are actually a polite goodbye, right? Those are two very different things, Aubrey. Yes.

And imagine if you can't tell the difference, the situations you might find yourself in. It's so difficult to know what to say next, how to handle this. Should I text or wait for them? So I'm excited to dive into this today.

Exactly. But if we want to feel more natural at socializing in English, then we do have something super exciting and brand new that's coming out later this month. And this is going to help you with this exact skill of socializing in English. So guys, go over and join the early interest list now to let us know that you're interested, you're ready.

You will be one of the first to know when our new method becomes available. So Aubrey, where should our listeners go right now to get on that list? Yes, go to allearsenglish.com slash social. And then, yeah, you'll be on our early interest list.

I'm very excited. We get questions from listeners, from members of our community all the time about this, right? Socializing in English, you may have the grammar, the vocabulary, everything you need as far as fluency, and still feel really stuck when it comes to building connections if you don't have these inside insights into socializing. Yeah, it's crazy.

It's crazy that courses really don't teach this stuff. So we've decided to teach it, to get really deep into it. There's a lot of skills, the ability to read a room that we need to build to kind of close the loop on our skills. All right.

Exactly. Let's go into it, Aubrey. What would be this first phrase that sounds like an invitation, but is actually a polite goodbye? All right. So the first one is, we should do this again sometime.

Or very similar, let's definitely do this again sometime. So it's interesting. If you don't have each other's phone numbers, this is a polite goodbye. And it almost seems really strange that someone would say this knowing that they have no way to contact you, but they will.

And I guess with, you know, who knows LinkedIn and social media, sometimes you could find someone maybe, but more often than not this, when someone says this, after you've been chatting and you're sort of parting ways, they're saying they have to go. It's just a polite way to say goodbye. Yeah. Yeah.

And I would say if they say it to you and they make no effort after that to get your phone number, don't try to get their phone number, right? Don't push it. That will put the socializing out of whack, out of balance a little bit. Right.

That's what's really key here. If you recognize it as a polite goodbye, you're not offended. You're like, that was a nice conversation. Maybe I'll see them again at another social event and we'll chat again.

The key is if this is all that's said, there's no plan, there's no specific date and time, there's no attempt to get your number, then it's just a goodbye.

It's just a goodbye. And there's nothing wrong with that. You know, in that previous episode, part one of this series, we talked about if you're from a coconut culture or a peach culture, go and listen to find out exactly what that means. We'll let you know when that episode came out towards the end of this episode.

But we need, this is learning, right? This is not intuitive. No one should feel that this is, should already be known if you've never been taught it explicitly, guys. Yeah.

Exactly. Because there are so many differences between cultures. You may just be misinterpreting phrases and signals. And it's just because there are so many cultural differences that you're not familiar with, right?

So if you do have each other's numbers and someone says this, then sure, if they text you within a few days to make a plan, it was an invitation. If not, it was just a goodbye. And there's no reason to feel hurt or offended because this is just a lot of cultures just say something like this to be friendly, to be polite. Yeah.

Yeah. I asked the host, are you going to be at TESOL in 2027? She said, yeah, maybe, hopefully, not quite sure. I said, well, if you are, let's get dinner.

Now, I'm not about to go and schedule that or try to arrange that, and I probably won't even do it – When it comes to the conference, I might have another conversation with her at the conference and see what her schedule is like and see if that's something we would both want, right? It doesn't mean that dinner's locked in if we both go. That was just honestly a way for me to say goodbye to them.

It's a friendly, like, we're on good terms now. Let's stay connected. It wasn't such a great example, right? If the dinner doesn't end up happening, it likely won't.

Neither side should be offended or feel like, oh, they don't really care about this connection. That's not the case. It's just a polite way to say, see you later.

It's building the relationship. So in a way, I think in North American culture... We feel that words build the relationship in some ways more than actions at a certain relationship level, right?

That's really interesting. Phrases like this are a signal that's like, I have loved this conversation. I care about this connection. It's not that I'm actually inviting you to something, but just even saying something indicating I would be willing to spend time with you in the future is just sending that message.

I care about the connection. Even the more common one to replace dinner would be coffee. People say, we should get coffee. We're going to talk about that in number three here in this episode.

What's the second phrase, Aubrey, that we might hear that we might mistake? Number two is, we should hang out sometime or let's hang out sometime. Both of these. Imagine after...

happy hour, right? You've been chatting with someone, your coworkers, you know each other pretty well. And as you say goodbye, you know, they say, let's hang out sometime. Let's just very similar to let's do this again.

Let's get together sometime, something like that. Is that always an invitation? Should you say yes? How about next Monday? It really depends on what the person says next.

What do they gesture? Are they picking up and walking out the door, walking in the other direction? Or are they then taking out their phone, right, and setting that up? Exactly.

Or maybe looking up restaurants in the area right after. Yeah. Yeah. exactly yeah so tricky because that that's where your social skills need to click in you're reading the room you're reading what they're saying what they're doing what do they do next and just like you said lindsey it might create an awkward situation if you immediately try to schedule that not realizing that oh that was just their polite way to take their leave a polite thing to say as they're leaving

Yep. That's kind of the social faux pas that we want to save you guys from in our method that's coming out later this month. So let's go into the third thing to watch out for, Aubrey. And it's very similar to what I mentioned, right?

We should get lunch or we should grab coffee or what I said, we should get dinner, right? If we're both at the conference. We should grab a drink. All of these things in your culture, you may see that as a definite invitation.

Like, why would they say that if they didn't want to actually get coffee or a drink? But this is something interesting about North American culture that we'll just say this. And what we mean is, bye.

What we mean is, I really enjoyed talking with you. Bye. Right? Exactly. Like, this has been great. I care about you. Like, there is a lot implied here.

I care about the connection. I would like to hang out with you sometime. But really, I'm just saying goodbye. Yeah, because if we're not making comments like this and maybe we didn't enjoy that conversation, you know, I'm going to go chat with someone else or it was nice chatting with you.

Have a good rest of your day. But when someone does make a gesture like this, it may not mean legitimately let's schedule it, but it might mean I really enjoyed your company. That's a good point. You're not going to say this to someone that you genuinely never want to talk to again.

This is implying more like, I actually would like to hang out with you sometime. I'm not maybe going to schedule it right now. I'm not ready. I need to know you a little more, have a few more interactions first, but I care about the connection.

Exactly. So anything else we need to know about this one, Aubrey, here before we go into our role play? Yeah. So I think it's just like we were saying, what's interesting here is who should try to make a specific plan, right?

If someone says this to you, let's hang out sometime, right? You would want to wait for them to make the plan, right? If you say, sure, how about next Wednesday? Then you open yourself up to potential awkwardness.

If it was just a polite goodbye, they might say something like, Yes. Yes, I will text you. All right. Yes, let them drive it. If they have said that, let them drive that if that's really what they want.

It's kind of like a wait and see thing that we need to follow. But let's see what this looks like in a role play, Aubrey. So what's going on in our role play today? Yeah, we're going to have, we're going to share a few mini role plays of the different ways that this could go.

And then we'll kind of talk about each one. So here you and I have been chatting at a happy hour and I'm about to leave, right? Okay, let's do it. It was so nice chatting with you.

We should hang out sometime. Yes, I'd love that. Awesome. Have a good night. Okay. So that's clearly a polite goodbye, right? Yeah, clearly. But you are not taking out your phone to schedule anything.

So I'm not going to do that either. Right. I'm going to play it cool. Okay. Exactly. And then who knows if we already have each other's numbers and the next day I text you, that's different.

Oh, it was an invitation. Awesome. But if not, you wouldn't be offended. You'd be like, nope, it was just a polite goodbye. That's okay, too. Yeah. It's the wait and see rule.

Exactly. And we go into a lot of these rules in our method, which you all will have access to later in September. But let's do the next role play. What happens if you misread this, Aubrey?

Yes. Okay, I'll start us out. It was so nice chatting with you. We should hang out sometime. Yes, I'd love that. I'm free next Wednesday. I'll have to check my schedule and get back to you.

Have a good night. Now we've created a little bit of awkwardness, right? Because I'm on my way out. Maybe I'm grabbing my coat. I'm not planning on scheduling it right then.

So even if I would be up for hanging out sometime, it wasn't even really in my mindset because what I was saying was a polite goodbye. Yeah. We need to really center ourselves in this whole idea of waiting. And we don't want to seem desperate, right, to hang out with people.

Obviously, we all want to connect as human beings, but it's just playing the social rules. Like we said, reading the room, kind of those unknown social signals that we're going to know after this month. Right. So a pro tip here, like we said, it's usually better to let the person who extended the invitation, especially if it might've been a polite goodbye, to reach out after, right?

If they text you, email you, call you, awesome. If not, no problem. No reason to get offended. Exactly. Let's do one more, two more, but this can happen no matter who extends the invitation.

All right. So here we go. Yeah. It was so nice chatting with you. Oh, we should grab coffee sometime. Yes. I'd love that. All right. I'm free Thursday or Friday this week, around 10 if you are.

This week is actually crazy, but let me get your number and I'll check my schedule and text you. So it's interesting, right? Regardless of which side it is, if I say to someone, it was nice chatting with you, let's grab coffee. And the other person's like, yes, I'd love that.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah. I mean, I really like to say, let me, I actually, I'm so old school that I have a physical book. I don't really use Google calendar that much.

So I have an actual book at home, like an appointment book. I often, I'll just say, yeah, I have to go home and check my book. Let me, yeah. So it's good to have that gap of time where things can settle and both sides can kind of see what the reality is.

What do we really want? Okay. And then our final role play is really the best way to handle this. You want to start us out, Lindsay? Yeah. Yeah, it was so nice chatting with you.

We should grab coffee sometime. Yes, I'd love that. Awesome. Let me grab your number and I'll text you later this week. Yeah, this is perfect, right? And then if you text with a date and a time, it's a real invitation.

If not, even though you got my number, it still might have been a polite goodbye and that'd be okay. But you didn't lose face as we say, right? Because you just said, yeah, you're just on the receiving end of that comment. And so there's really nothing for you to do, right?

That's really the key. You don't want to give them something to do because they may want to think about or maybe they just are really busy. Who knows? There could be all kinds of reasons to turn someone down and we don't want to put someone on the spot.

Exactly. Aubrey, this seems confusing, but there has to be a solution. There has to be knowledge we can gain here to master this. Yes, we are exciting, guys.

We have something brand new coming, this method for socializing in English. You may have felt this gap, right? There are all these unwritten rules, these invisible things that you need to know in order to read the room, in order to know if something was an invitation or a polite goodbye. There's just so much to know.

And it's very cultural. Yeah, these are the unwritten rules of English conversations. How do you read the moment? How do you respond naturally? How do you feel comfortable connecting?

Because here on the show, we're all about connection, but how do we actually do that, right? That's what we want to know. Exactly. Aubrey, what should our listeners do if they care about this topic?

I have a feeling a lot of them do. Yes, get on the early interest list. Be one of the first to hear about this new method. Later this month, it's going to go live.

It'll be available. So go to allersenglish.com slash social, S-O-C-I-A-L to get on the list. Yeah, perfect. And Aubrey, what was that part one of this three-part series?

Where can our listeners go if they want to learn about the coconut and the peach? Right. So you're going to go over to All Ears English. It was called Socializing in English Part One.

Are you a coconut or a peach? This is really interesting. Different cultures handle social cues differently. So definitely go check that out. If you missed it, it came out on September 8th.

Yes, guys. And if you're not a listener of All Ears English, you have to be. It's our biggest podcast. We cover everything over there on that show. So open your search bar right now.

Type in All Ears English. We'll pop up right there. You'll see the yellow. Go in and hit the follow button and then listen to that episode. All right.

Yes. Awesome. I'm excited for you to learn everything you need to socialize in English with. It could be coworkers you've known for years or someone you meet for the first time.

There's so much to know in order to get past the initial small talk so that you can potentially build connections. Yes. I'm so excited. Guys, go to allersenglish.com slash social to get on that list.

And Aubrey, I'll see you back here soon. All right. Awesome. See you next time. Bye. Take care. Bye. Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional.

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