BE 599: Want to Be a Social Leader at Work? Here's How!

This is the Business English Podcast, Episode 599. Want to be a social leader at work? Here's how. Welcome to the Business English Podcast from All Ears English.

Get the English skills you need to achieve your dreams in global business. For a presentation, a meeting, or your office party, this is Real Business English with your favorite American hosts, Aubrey and Michelle, coming to you from Arizona and New York City, USA.

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How are you? Good. How are you, Aubrey? Excellent question. Would you consider yourself a leader? Do you tend to command a room in a social situation?

I hate how I always answer it depends. But it depends. It does depend. It depends how comfortable I am. It depends how much I want to get something done.

Yeah. And it can depend on like, do I feel like I've been monopolizing a little bit? Have I been being the center of attention? Then I'm going to sit back and chill and let someone else be the focus for a while because I feel that too.

Am I with my kids? Am I with my kids? Do I just need to... hang back and figure out what's going on with them. So there's a lot. Yeah. Totally. This today is going to be really interesting, you guys, because everyone out there listening, you are in these social situations at work, as well as in your daily life.

At happy hour, in the break room, we have these little social moments at work and they are powerful. And And how much you are a leader in these situations is tricky, how much you should be a leader and how to do that well. So we're talking about that today.

We've got a great question about this. This was actually inspired by in one of our fluency parties in May. A student expressed that he is a natural leader in his native language. He lives and works in the US.

And when he is working in English, he becomes this natural leader, speaking clearly with confidence because it's crucial for his success at work. He has no choice. But when it comes to these social connections in English, maybe in the break room, maybe at happy hour, he finds himself hanging back in the corner. He's translating in his head.

He doesn't have that confidence to dive into those more social conversations. English. So we're talking about this today because this is vital. These social opportunities at work are so important.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you think about it just like happy hours or being in the break room and just wanting to connect to people at work. So guys, really, we have to treat these tips with the same importance that you give networking opportunities. Yeah.

Yes, these situations, right? Those situations you are in at happy hour in the breakout room, we need to give the same amount of importance to those as other meetings, conferences, where you are in the zone, the networking zone of I am trying to build this connection. I am networking. Those small, much more informal situations should be just as important because there you're building connections with people that you work with on a daily basis.

Yeah, absolutely. So today we are going to be sharing three leadership skills that can help you build connections. And this topic is great for connection because we need leaders in social situations because, I mean, honestly, sometimes the conversation goes flat.

gatherings get awkward. So you need that person, you need that leader to start the conversation, make people feel included. That's huge. And help everyone feel comfortable.

So really like a social leader. Yes, this is me, Michelle. I am this to a fault. Actually, I was just at a party the other night. And I find myself I am the one making sure that often other people do it too.

But I am like making sure the conversation's interesting. And I'll ask a random question to keep it interesting. And or maybe let's play a game. I have an idea for a game.

And I'm like, I want to keep it fun. And then sometimes I'll do what I was saying, where I'll realize like, I'm being a little much, I'm gonna chill. And let someone else be the social leader for a little while. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. So, guys, that's really funny, Aubrey. I mean, but I'm sure people appreciate that. Yeah, I get that multiple times. They're like, I'm so glad you were here.

This was way more fun, right? Or that conversation was so interesting. Right. it is tricky because you can be a little much if you're not careful, if you have a personality like mine.

And I recognize that I read the social cues and I want other people to also be the star and be really fun and share their ideas. So it's kind of a constant give and take. But also, this is so important at work to build those connections. And you do, you're at holiday parties, you're at work retreats, you have a lot of opportunities like this as a part of your career, where

where you can be a social leader, you can use your leadership skills like this student at fluency parties. And that fluency party has these leadership skills that can be used to become a stronger social leader. So I'm excited to dive into this, guys. Remember to hit follow if you're not following right here on the Business English Podcast so you never miss any of our amazing episodes.

Three new episodes every week with great vocabulary and strategies. Definitely love it. So what does leadership look like in social situations? Yeah, strong communication, first of all.

You cannot be just quietly speaking, mumbling on the side. That does not work well, right? Someone's like, sorry, what did you say? And also including others, making them feel comfortable, right?

I ask a lot more questions in conversations than I talk about myself. And that is what builds a better conversation. And also taking initiative. I think, you know, being the one to say, oh, guys, let's do this or coming up with a new topic or something like that.

So, let's dive into our first leadership skill. So, the first skill is initiating conversations. So, like we said, taking that first step because many English learners might step back and let others start conversations and But you don't have to be afraid, right?

Don't be afraid to break the ice. People will be like, wow, okay. You know, they're going to recognize that you are starting conversations. You're taking that initiative and that's going to pull you ahead.

Absolutely. And this is so much harder in a second language. We feel you out there listening. When I am speaking Spanish or French, I do hesitate to start these conversations.

It's much easier for me in English. But when I remember connection, not perfection... I'm not worried about grammar. I'm not worried about vocabulary.

I just want to connect with someone. And I do dive in and start a conversation. I just recently was talking to someone at a grocery store in the ice cream. She was scooping ice cream and her first language was Spanish.

And she told me quickly that she didn't speak a lot of English because she just had moved here from South America. I was so excited and I started the conversation. We had this amazing conversation in Spanish. It was so fun.

And once you get past that, right, you're like, who cares if I'm speaking perfectly? I'm connecting with this awesome new friend. Exactly. Exactly. So, but how can an English learner do this naturally?

I mean, one thing is to ask open-ended questions, right? Questions where people really have to give you more of an answer than yes or no. And then another thing is to pick topics you're genuinely interested in because you're going to feel more excited to talk about them.

And people can pick up on that. You know, it's contagious when you're excited, when you're interested, and people get more interested in you and curious to hear what you have to say. Absolutely. Yeah, that experience I had, we were talking about language learning because she's talking about learning English.

I'm talking about learning Spanish. We had that in common. So that immediately we're like, yes, we're both interested in this. But with a lot of people, it might be TV shows, podcasts, movies, whatever you're interested in, find common ground and build the conversation from there.

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, make the topics or questions just relatable to the people you talk to. And also find, I mean, this is a real, you know, this is more a concrete strategy here. Find three good opening questions and practice saying them so they sound natural.

So you don't need to translate, right? Yeah. And here are some good examples. Great openers. How do you know the host? If you're at some kind of party or like if you're at a work party, so it's some kind of holiday party or happy hour.

So there's not a host. You're not in a social situation where there would be a host. Instead, just what have you been up to lately? What do you usually do on the weekend?

What did you do last weekend? Oh, talking about weekends is always fun for people at work. It gives you a chance to talk about your private life, say or share something about your family or your friends, what you do for fun. Yes.

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All right, skill number two, include others. This is so important. Nobody likes a me monster. Don't be that person in a social situation that is just talking about yourself.

We've all been there. We know that person. It's painful. Yes, exactly. This one, this is my favorite one, I think. I mean, this is so important. If you include others, you know, there's someone sitting there, you're not sure, you know, if...

You have to kind of read like maybe somebody else is feeling uncomfortable. Maybe they're feeling a little shy. Be that leader. So how can an English learner do this naturally, though?

Yeah, it's interesting. Because leaders don't dominate conversations. They bring others in. They make it collaborative. They make it interesting for everyone, right?

So first of all, listening to social cues, pay attention to body language, positioning, make sure not to close the conversation. If I see someone approaching, I always will physically make space and I'm welcoming them in. And I'll also say quickly, like catch them up on what we were talking about or, oh, Brad, have you met Jan? If I know them both, I'm doing everything I can to make it inclusive and make them feel welcome joining our circle.

Right. It makes such a difference. When you are that person who's feeling a little bit uneasy, and someone is saying, Oh, meet this, you know, and actually care, like, you can tell they care that you feel included. You're just gonna love that person.

Really? Yeah. Exactly. And reading the room. See if you see anyone who looks like they would like to chat. Do they seem shy, but maybe like they want to talk?

Or this happened to me at the party I was referring to. We were kind of chatting. There were like four or five of us and we were having this great conversation. And I could see that there were two people close by who were kind of sipping from their drinks and not really talking much to each other.

So I just was kind of like, oh, did you like I welcomed them in and they because they it probably would have been uncomfortable for them to be like, can we join you guys? So I instead was like, come talk to us. And a group of seven is just as fun as that. And it was it worked out great.

Yeah. And guys, use inclusive questions, right? So extend the question to a quieter person. So someone who seems like they're not feeling included, someone who's feeling a little shy.

So you can ask things like, what do you think? How about you? Or how have you ever tried that? And if you know their name, use it. Everyone loves hearing their names.

What about you, Emily? Right? There's all sorts of things you can ask. exactly and that's how i invited them in we were like talking we were talking about a movie we had all just seen project hail mary which i've talked about yeah i think you have stock in this movie i should i'm like i wish i were making money for every time i mentioned it i just loved it but so we were talking about it and i saw them kind of not talk oh you know what it was actually the michael biopic we were talking about the michael uh-huh

And we were kind of, this was a tricky conversation because people had different opinions about whether people should be attending it because of the little bit of problematic past. And some people were like, he wasn't convicted. And others are like, I don't know. And so these two that kind of weren't part of the conversation, I asked them like, what do you think?

And sort of invited them in because it was an interesting conversation. Everyone wants to know everyone else's opinions. Ask them a question to invite them in.

Yeah, really, really good tip there. And then our third skill is to react naturally. So often we use reaction phrases immediately after someone says something. This confirms we heard them.

It shows our genuine reaction. Surprise, happiness, congratulations, empathy, whatever that is. And it shows authenticity. This attracts people. It makes them want to talk to you.

And that is how you build connection. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, it's just really important to actually show that you're listening to someone, right? And that you're reacting in a way that shows that you're interested.

So what about how can an English learner do this naturally? Yeah. Yeah. One good tip is to create and practice a bank of five to 10 reaction phrases. So here are some good examples.

No way. This shows surprise and excitement. It can be positive or negative. If someone says something, no way. It depends on the context, what you mean.

Or, oh, wow, which shows surprise. So these are specific, right? If it's something is not at all surprising, you would not want to say no way or oh, wow, it needs to be something a little bit surprising to say that. Right, right.

Or seriously, so this, I think we did a whole show on this once. But this shows disbelief. So this can be positive or negative. So like, oh my gosh, the traffic, it took me four hours to get here.

Seriously? So that's a really good one. And be careful with this one because depending on your intonation, it definitely can be expressing doubt. Right.

If someone says, you know, a good example is if someone's like, I haven't seen Project Hail Mary, I might be like, seriously? And there might be implied judgment there. So be careful if you don't want someone to feel like you are disapproving of their life decisions. But also, if you never saw that movie, I'm disapproving of your life decisions.

Yeah. I know you are. I know you are, Aubrey. But also, that's awesome. Or that makes sense, right? Something like this that shows just a positive reaction to something like you can use these a lot.

They show understanding. They're just a great way to respond to what someone said to show them you're engaged. Yeah, I'm so sorry to hear that. If they're in a bad situation, it shows concern or empathy.

So, you know, these phrases just keep the conversation going. And they also give you time so you can follow up with more thoughts. And that might be something like a follow-up question to understand more or a personal opinion or just redirecting to a similar topic. Let's do a role play here.

Yeah, let's do a role play. This is a fun one. We're at a happy hour meetup for a coworker's birthday. It's Chris's birthday. We've all gone to happy hour to celebrate.

And, you know, we don't know each other. So this is some of Chris's friends have been invited and coworkers. So there's a lot of people there that we don't know. And we're all gathered at the bar, but conversation isn't flowing quite yet.

So I'll start us out. Ready? Okay. So how does everyone know Chris? Oh, I used to work with him, actually. No way. What kind of work? Oh, we were in marketing together ages ago.

That's awesome. Yeah, we've stayed in contact for over a decade. What about you? How do you guys know each other? We actually met in college. Oh, wow.

You've known each other even longer then. True. How about everyone else? When did you guys meet Chris? Yes, this is so interesting, the end of this, because if this is a group of multiple people, it would be rude for you and I to continue talking.

And where did you go to college? And like, if you don't invite others in, they might feel like they need to wander away and find a new conversation. Because if it's just two of you talking.

That's true. That's true. So you started off, you were such a leader, Aubrey. Yes, you said so. How does everyone know Chris? Very good. You're including everyone.

And this is just a great question. Conversation isn't flowing. We all know Chris. Let's share why. Oh, how does everyone know Chris? I use this one. This is a good one.

Yeah. And then I said, no way. What kind of work? So this is a little surprise. Oh, you work together. What did you do together? What did you do? Mm hmm.

And then I said, we're in marketing together. And you said, that's awesome. Yeah. And this is interesting, because I felt my personal style and my leadership in a social situation, I would never just say that's awesome, full stop.

I would absolutely say something else there. If you're like we were in marketing together ages ago, that's awesome. Where did you work? Was it here locally?

Like I would ask more there because otherwise that's awesome is going to be maybe the tiniest little bit of silence that I don't want. Right. So I give you something else. Otherwise, you know, you were, it was fine.

You handled it really well. Yeah. We've stayed in contact for over a decade, but I think a social leader would say more than just that's awesome there. What do you think, Michelle?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. And because I, yeah, what I said next, it shows that I'm willing to like keep going. But a person who's feeling less comfortable might say, oh, yeah.

Right. And then it's done. Or it might have skipped to like, you might not have said anything else. If I just say, that's awesome. If I don't ask more questions, I'm implying that maybe I don't want details.

So then you might have immediately said, what about you? Right then. How have you met? And then I would never know any other details other than just that you worked in marketing together.

Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Exactly. And then you said we actually met in college and I said, oh, wow, you've known each other even longer then. So, oh, wow, something surprising.

Yes. And then I opened it up to the group so that not just you and I are speaking too long. I said, how about everyone else? When did you guys meet Chris?

And this is going to be a fun conversation. Let's all find out how we know Chris. Somebody tell a funny story about him. I'd be the first. I'm like, let me tell you something.

You probably know about Chris from college. Yeah. Oh, you're so funny. Yeah, exactly. So guys, check out episode 597 of the Business English podcast, which was hear all about it.

How do you use heard at work? We just had that one. That was a really good one. That was great. Scroll up if you missed it. This was about using heard, heard of and heard about, which we do use them all differently.

So check that out. And yeah, takeaway here. This is such powerful connection. to use those social interactions you have at work and take the leadership skills you've been building at work and use them also in those social interactions to build connections with co-workers and colleagues.

Yes, exactly. All right, Aubrey. Well, this is fun and good job leading everything socially. And we'll see you on the next one. Awesome. Thanks, Michelle.

See you next time. Bye. Okay, bye. Thank you for listening to Business English, a podcast just for you, the high achieving global professional. Want more from All Ears English?

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