AEE 2685: In Our Heart of Hearts, We Love These Idioms

This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2685. In our heart of hearts, we love these idioms. Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English?

We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American host, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz. and Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA. To get real-time transcripts right on your phone and create your personalized vocabulary list, try the All Ears English app for iOS and Android. Start your seven-day free trial at allearsenglish.com forward slash app.

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Hey there, Aubrey. How's everything going today? I'm great, Lindsay. How are you? Yeah, it's summer. We're in midsummer here. Just getting into must be very warm in Arizona.

But yeah, really hot. Yeah, surviving. In my heart of hearts, I have to admit that summer is here. Yeah, that was going to be my question. Is there anything that you don't want to admit, but you know, in your heart of hearts is true?

I actually have another good answer for that question, though. So we just did a big neighbor family trip to the beach. We go to Rocky Point every year. And there were a few times this trip, I was like, this might be the last time.

because a lot of our kids are getting older they're going to college they're like spread everywhere and everyone's so busy right so it's getting harder and harder to find a time we can all go and then when we're there there's so many of us now a lot some of the older kids are having kids and so like more and more it's really hard to coordinate so you never know we might be able to pull it off again but in my heart of hearts i think this might have been the last How does that feel? Is that sad? It's all sad.

Yes. It's been so fun. It's fun to travel with a big group. It's difficult. It's difficult, but there's a lot of things about it that are really fun and we always really look forward to it.

So it's not bittersweet. It's just bitter. I'm really sad. Yeah. I'm sorry to hear it. But at least you did it for so long. I mean, sometimes what do they say?

Don't mourn the fact that it's over. Celebrate that it happened or something. That's what we need to do. Yes. We were looking at some of the... We always take a big group photo and we look at the first year and some of the kids that were so little are now in college.

It's crazy. We've been doing it for years and years. So yes, we'll just celebrate that we were able to do it. Yeah. So this is going to be a sentimental episode, I think, right?

Heart of hearts. So today's episode comes from a question from Kin. And Aubrey, you got this question from Kin. Tell us about the question. It was in our Q&A.

So any students in our personal coach classes have a weekly Q&A. I'm there and they ask questions about English, things they're learning in their course or anything that they find as they're hearing English. And she heard in a TV show, someone say, in my heart of hearts, And it wasn't clear from the context what they meant.

So we had a great discussion about it. And I said on the call, I was like, I'm going to prep an episode for All There's English because this is great vocabulary. This is a great one. And since we're all about connection here, I mean, this is a very quintessential All There's English episode because we need to be able to articulate the emotional things in life, the more sentimental things.

We're going to give you the tools to do it now, guys. But Aubrey, what should our listeners do immediately before we start? Yes, hit follow wherever you are listening, open your search bar, type in All There's English and follow the podcast so you never miss an episode. Yes, hit that follow button right now, guys.

All right, let's get into it. We need some vocabulary if we're going to get all sentimental, right? Exactly. Our first expression is that one, in my heart of hearts.

It is a funny, I can see why it would be strange. I was like, what does that even mean in my heart of hearts? Yeah, I mean, what does it mean, Aubrey? What does it mean?

Yeah. So this is your deepest, most sincere feelings or beliefs. It's usually reflective, right? You're having to kind of think about what do I really feel when I think about what's the most important to me?

Yeah. It might not be the most convenient truth, right? But it's something that comes from deeper down than just like a place of stress or just responding to the environment. It's like a gut feeling, a gut feeling in your heart.

Exactly. And it might be about regret or it might be about like real self-discovery. You're sort of saying like, if I'm going to admit my deepest feelings, right? So imagine a heart within your heart, you're diving into that, the deepest of feelings.

Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like in our modern culture, we have so many things that pull us away from that deep sense of intuition about ourselves, the things that we know about ourselves, that the culture pulls us away from it a little bit.

But there are certain things we can do to get closer to it, like spending time in nature, spending time reflecting, meditation maybe, right? Yeah. So here's some examples. First, in my heart of hearts, I always knew I wanted to become a writer.

So this, I can imagine if someone's working like a corporate job and then they retire and later they're able to write, they would say this like, you know, deep down in my heart of hearts, I always knew this is what I wanted to be doing. Yes. Here's another example. Though I didn't want to admit it in my heart of hearts, I felt the friendship was drifting apart.

Yeah. Maybe you've been friends with someone for a long time and you always were close and now like your lives are taking different paths. It happens, Aubrey. And this is often when we use this expression, when it's something we have to admit that we're regretful about, right?

It's like, I don't want to admit this. I'm sad about this, but in my heart of hearts, I have to admit it's the truth. Yes. And then deep down is another one, which basically means the same thing, right?

There's not too much of a difference, I think. Exactly, right? We use these interchangeably. Well, I think deep down is a little more common. Like in my heart of hearts is wordier.

We do have these expressions in English and sometimes we'll use them. But when it's five words like that, we often find a shorter way to say it. Yeah. So this is easier to say, right?

So deep down, she knew she didn't want to move abroad for the job. Maybe on the surface, she's engaging, making plans even, right? But deep down, she knows she doesn't want to do it. Okay.

Exactly. Right. When we're really honest with ourselves, these are the expressions for that. Or deep down, I think he was disappointed, even though he said he was fine.

So we're saying there's the surface level emotions and what we're saying, and that's what we're feeling deep down. Yes. And I'm realizing we also shorten in my heart of hearts. We'll also just say in my heart, right?

In my heart, I have to admit this similar meaning, but I think, yeah, when we want to even get a little more sentimental, then we'll use that whole phrase. Right, right. Maybe it's more of an occasion where you're revealing something to someone, right? That's where you might roll out the whole phrase.

What about the phrase, if I'm being honest with myself? Right. That's a good one. We use this as a good one. It's used when we're admitting any true personal feelings or maybe a reality, especially if it's something that we have denied in the past or we're uncomfortable with, then we're sort of saying like, all right, I have to admit this.

If I'm being honest or if I'm being honest with myself, this is true. Yeah. Sometimes we just say, if I'm being honest, as you said, you shorten it, you take off myself with myself. So if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not a very patient person.

Okay. Or shortened. If I'm being honest, I should probably break up with him. We're like, am I going to be honest with myself? I got to face the hard truth.

Yeah. I mean, some people carry on relationships for years without admitting these things to themselves, right? So it's good that we're getting this vocabulary. Yes.

Right. We got to be honest with ourselves. All right. Lastly is when I really think about it. So again, this shows deep reflection that leads to being more honest with ourselves or maybe more realistic conclusions about something.

Yeah. Like when I really think about it, I wasn't ready for that responsibility. Yeah. Okay. So maybe you agreed to something, right? We've agreed to some kind of responsibility.

It didn't go well. You're like, when I really think about it, I wasn't ready. Shouldn't have taken it on. I shouldn't have said yes. Exactly. Yes. Or when I really think about it, I prefer small gatherings over big parties.

So maybe you're the one who actually hosts the big parties, but you never enjoy them, right? But you just keep doing it. And then you might admit this to a good friend.

Right. Like if I'm being honest with myself, I don't want to go to big parties anymore. Or host them. Right. Exactly. Exactly. All right. Really good stuff.

In your first language, you have personality. You joke, you interrupt, you push back. But in English, you might feel smaller, more careful, less expressive than you really are. If English feels like it's filtering your personality, it may be time to understand why.

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Take the quiz now at allearsenglish.com slash fluency score. That's allearsenglish.com slash F-L-U-E-N-C-Y-S-C-O-R-E. Okay, Aubrey, time to get honest. Here we go.

Time for a role play. You ready? Let's do it. You and I are friends talking about a party that we attended the night before. I'll start us out. Yes. That party last night was okay, but I felt a bit out of place.

Yeah, same. I kept telling myself I was having fun, but deep down, I knew I really wasn't. Exactly. I'm realizing I just don't like big crowds. I always thought of myself as an extrovert, but if I'm being honest with myself, I'm really not.

I hear you. It really depends for me. Sometimes I have a great time at big parties and sometimes it's just exhausting. Same. In my heart of hearts, I have to admit, I'd rather just catch up with a few close friends.

Hmm, yeah. This is so I feel like realistic for a lot of us where we want to be gregarious. We want to be the social one, the one that's so fun at parties, but then we're exhausted. And we're like, you know what, in my heart of hearts, I know I'm an introvert.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what are the other things in life that people kind of go to and participate in, but maybe they don't actually enjoy them. I don't know.

Amusement parks. I know a lot of people that will go on a roller coaster even though they hate it because they want to be fun. They don't want to be the one that's like a party pooper. That's a good one.

Maybe museums for some people, they go because it feels sophisticated to go, but maybe they just don't want to be there, right? Yes. Or concerts. Both you and I aren't afraid to talk about how little we like concerts.

But a lot of people go because it's like, oh, it's so cool. And it's like the idea of it seems so amazing. And then they're miserable when they're there like me. Even with the earbuds, earplugs, it still really hurts my ears no matter what.

The only kind of concert that I like is a free concert where I can sit down in the grass. Last weekend, we went to one that was just some new singer from Australia, just a summer concert in the grass. Lots of families and people like beers, food trucks. That's the concert I like.

Right. That's different. Then I can be in the back away from the speakers so they're not deafening me. I'm in for that concert, Lindsay. Exactly. Good stuff.

Yeah. All right, let's go through our role play because our listeners just are gaining in today's episode four or five brand new phrases to be honest, right? The first one we used, you said, I kept telling myself I was having fun. But deep down, I knew I really wasn't.

So many of us do this. We want to be positive. We want to put on a good face. So we're telling ourselves we're having fun. But deep down, we know we're not we're realizing like this is not where I want to be.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Or even just hosting in general, right? Like some people, they want to host, but then they actually hate it when they're hosting events at their house, right? Having people over because you have to clean all day.

It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. I actually like hosting, but a lot of people, it can be a ton of work, right? I'm the same. I love hosting, but it's true that I don't blame anyone who's like, deep down, it's not worth it.

It's not worth it. Exactly. Go to someone else's house. Yeah. And then we said, I always thought of myself as an extrovert, but if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not.

Yeah. And this can happen, right? Often we'll take those personality tests and maybe like this idea we have of ourselves, it gives us something very different. We're like, all right, if I'm being honest with myself, I have to admit this is all accurate.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. And then last one, same. In my heart of hearts, I have to admit I'd rather just catch up with a few close friends. Yeah.

It's just kind of getting to know ourselves too as we get older. I think there's a certain freedom probably that happens – I feel like it happens to people in their 40s where they just stop pretending.

Absolutely. Right. And they're just very honest and they just kind of live life the way they want to live. Yeah. You don't care as much what people think anymore.

And if, yeah, if you want to be comfortable and you want to be having fun and that might not always be what everyone around would expect it to be and in our heart of hearts. So we know that we need to, you know, that sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish. You got it.

You got it. Aubrey, what's another episode our listeners should check out right away? Today was a little bit of a shorter episode, so they have extra time in their morning commute, right? Yes.

If you missed it, scroll up to episode 2684, which was Intimidated by Classic Literature, Three Tips to Overcome It with Rebecca Shinsky. So excited. She is from the Zero to Well-Read podcast. That was an amazing conversation.

So scroll it up and check it out if you missed it. All right, really good stuff. And for a final takeaway, I mean, this is a major connection skill, especially as we kind of, we get a little bit older, we get more comfortable in our own skin. It is the key to happiness in a way, I think, right?

Absolutely. I agree, right? You do need to, those of us who are more martyrs, and are trying to make everyone else happy and be a peacemaker, you can't please everyone.

You're just going to end up frustrated. And the older we get, we realize like, if we can't please anyone or everyone, may as well make sure that we're enjoying ourselves, at least sometimes. Exactly. So really interesting topic, actually.

We'll revisit this topic from another angle another day. But for now, Aubrey, guys, hit the follow button and we'll see you next time. All right. Yes.

Awesome. See you guys next time. All right. Take care. Bye. Thanks for listening to All Ears English. Would you like to know your English level? Take our two minute quiz.

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