AEE 2630: Don't Have the Heart to Do It? What to Say in English

This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2630. Don't have the heart to do it? What to say in English. welcome to the all ears english podcast downloaded more than 200 million times are you feeling stuck with your english we'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection not perfection with your american hosts lindsey mcmahon the english adventurer and michelle kaplan the new york radio girl

coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe.

Sometimes we have to deliver bad news and we just can't do it. Today, find out what to say in moments like these with a few different phrase options. Add a little curiosity into your routine with TED Talks Daily, the podcast that brings you a new TED Talk every weekday. In less than 15 minutes a day, you'll go beyond the headlines and learn about the big ideas shaping your future.

Coming up, how AI will change the way we communicate, how to be a better leader, and more. Listen to TED Talks Daily wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Lindsay, how are you? I'm feeling pretty good, Michelle, but I have a question for you.

You ready? Okay. Okay. So how are you at delivering bad news to people? Oh, I hate it. I don't think anybody would like this. This is not fun and... I might even avoid it a little bit.

And yeah, you just kind of have to make yourself do it. What about you? Yeah, no, it's not fun. It's never fun, especially if you have a lot of empathy.

It's just not a fun thing to do. I don't think anyone likes this, right? No. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but there is a specific expression that we might use in English to kind of talk about this feeling.

It's, um, I don't have the heart for something or I don't have the heart to do something. Sorry. Yes. This is a good, it's good to have phrases. Usually this is what we might say to someone else when we have to tell someone else.

So there are three parties here, you, someone else, and someone else. Yeah. You wouldn't really say it directly to the person that you're going to give the bad news to, right? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. Unless maybe after the fact you told them. But all right, let's do a little role play here. Okay. Did you give her the bad news yet? No, I don't have the heart to do it.

Yeah. I mean, this could be for a breakup also. Like, yeah, I recently actually, I had to tell someone something that I felt really bad about. And I mean, I definitely kept on putting it off.

Yeah. But then I did it and, you know. That's hard. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so yeah, saying I don't have the heart to do something is a great way to build connection because it's so relatable, right?

Yeah. Um, it's all about that empathy and emotion and, you know, this universal feeling of, you know, there's something hard that you have to tell someone. Yes. And you just, I mean, even recently, so, um, Dan got free, uh, got a free ticket to a Knicks game.

Okay. Nice. Nice. And, um, my son is a huge Knicks fan and there was only one ticket left. It was like to go, I mean, it would have been very strange if my son went with my friend's husband, right?

And like, it just like wasn't, wouldn't have worked. And Dan really didn't want to tell my son. He was like, I can't, you know, I don't have the heart to do it. And he, he didn't, he didn't want to tell him.

So at first he was going to tell him something else like, Oh, I have an event. And then I said, you have to tell him, he has to deal with the disappointment, but it's so hard. That's hard.

Yeah. Especially a kid, right? He might not get it. And yeah, that's tough. Yeah. So this is all about empathy and emotion. And I think if you are using this phrase, you're already signaling that you have a high level of empathy, which means when you have empathy, that leads to success in life, right?

Yeah. So you're careful about people's feelings, which is great. Yes. Guys, let's take a quick second to remind you to hit the follow button on the show.

Or if you prefer to watch us on YouTube, that is a great way to learn. Hit subscribe on our YouTube channel for All Ears English. All right. Perfect. All right.

So yeah. What exactly does it mean, Lindsay? I don't have the heart to do something. That's right. It's not about your physical heart. It's not about physical ability.

It means that you're emotionally unable to do something because it just feels cruel, sad, uncomfortable, awkward. Maybe it feels wrong or hurtful. And so often what we do is we do procrastinate. right?

Yes. Put it off. Yes. Yeah. So let's just talk a little bit about the grammar for a second and how the structure is. So I don't have the heart to and then plus infinitive verb, right?

So whatever you can't do. Yes. Yeah. So for example, wow, you still have that painting your son drew. I don't have the heart to throw it away. Yeah, of course.

This is interesting. This is a little bit different. It's not delivering bad news. It's just saying that this, yeah, I feel bad, you know, I feel bad throwing it away either for my son, you know, he might find out and feel bad or even for myself.

It's just like, oh, I'm attached. It's like, yeah, totally. Yeah. A hundred percent. Or another scenario could be. I'm surprised you RSVP'd to the party.

Yeah. I didn't have the heart to say no. Okay. Yeah. So you felt like you had to come. Or you still haven't told her the truth. Oh, I don't have the heart to tell her.

Yeah. All right. Good. These are all great examples. So it's not always about delivering that bad news. Sometimes it is, but it's really just not wanting to hurt people, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. If you're ready to start your business, go ahead and start it. Shopify helps you to start, run and spread your business.

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So other things we might say, I can't bring myself to do something. This one's a little more wordy, maybe a little less common in my opinion. Michelle, what do you think? Yeah, a little less heartfelt.

It sounds like something inside you is resisting. So I can't bring myself to plus the verb. So how would that sound? So basically, I can't bring myself to...

Okay, yeah. Okay. Did you cancel the trip? I can't bring myself to do it. The kids are looking forward to it too much. Yeah. Even though maybe you know you have to cancel it or something.

Budget issues, right? Right. Or are you going to ask him about the money he owes you? I can't bring myself to ask. I feel way too awkward. That's a common one.

If somebody owes you money... Yeah, this feels very uncomfortable. Yes, that is not good. That's why I feel like all these apps have developed. Like there's an app now that you can use when you travel in a group.

Have you tried it? I can't remember what it's called, but it just tracks who owes what. Because when you travel in a group, there's like four of you having dinner every night, hotels, taxis. It's way too complicated.

So the app just tallies up who owes what. And at the end, it just sends a text to everyone and says, you owe X amount. That's incredible. It's great. Yeah.

No, that's awesome. Really? It's really smart. I'll send it to you after. I forget what it's called. Yeah. Let me know. Let me know. All right. Another question could be, did you finish the show?

No, I can't bring myself to watch the last episode. So this one's interesting. So what does this mean? You love the show so much and it's one more episode and you're going to be so sad when it's over.

So yeah, sometimes it's just about yourself. Like I can't, it's not about somebody else. It's just, oh, I can't bring myself to do it. It's awkward. It's upsetting to me.

There's something that's stalling you. Right, right. And for this one, you don't want, it's almost like you don't want to know that the show's over. There's nothing left for you in the show.

And so you'd rather just delay because you know, you still have some of that show left waiting for you. Right, right, right. Yeah. It can be sad to finish a show you really like.

Yeah. Or you could say, I don't have it in me. Now, this one is more about energy. It could be more about energy, whether it's physical or emotional energy.

It's like saying you're too exhausted or too overwhelmed to do something. Or it also could be like... Like if you have to be honest with someone and like it feels too direct for you, that could be another way of saying I don't have it in me to be so direct. Right, right, right, right, right.

Exactly. So yeah, this can be used on its own. So it actually could work as a full response. So for example, you have a few choices of where to go to college.

Will you make the final decision today? Definitely not today. I don't have it in me. So here we're clearly talking about energy, right? I don't have the energy today.

I don't have the clarity of mind. I'm too busy or something. Yes, exactly. I mean, even something like exercise, like, oh, I just, I don't have it in me today.

I got to just go to sleep early. Yeah. That's an interesting construction to have something in you, right? Or I don't have it in me plus a verb. So I don't have it in me to do something.

So for example, are you going to bring up the issues you're having together? I don't think so. I don't have it in me to argue anymore. Yeah. That's not good.

Just giving up there with a relationship. Ooh, that doesn't sound good. Not good. Do you want to go out dancing later? I wish, but I just don't have it in me to dance tonight.

Yeah. I actually love this one. I feel like I probably use this one fairly often. Like fairly frequently. Yeah, maybe. You feel like you feel tired sometimes?

Yes, of course. I don't have it in me to go out in different types of weather. I don't have it in me to go to an event in the evening sometimes. Yeah, for sure.

Especially in the winter. Yeah. You know, anyways, all right, let's get into a role play here. So we are friends and I just broke up with a boyfriend and I'm talking to you about how it's feeling.

Okay, here we go. Hey, how are you feeling about the breakup? Well, I'm taking it day by day, but honestly, I keep seeing his stories online and it brings up all these feelings.

That makes sense. Why don't you just unfollow him? Well, I don't have the heart to do that just yet. I get that. Can't you just mute him then? I should, but I can't even bring myself to mute him.

I'm definitely still attached. Oh, Lindsay, give it time. Do you want to talk about it more? Honestly, I don't have it in me right now. Maybe I'll feel up to it tomorrow.

Yeah. So you were using the word just a lot, which we have to be careful about, right? Use it. Oh, can't you just mute him? Can't you just do this? Do that?

Be careful there. Simplifying it. We did an episode a long time ago about that. We may need to revisit that phrase. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. So I said, why don't you just unfollow him?

And you said, I don't have the heart to do that just yet. So again, like we've been saying, don't have the heart to do something. So you can also say to do that. What is that?

Unfollow him. And yeah, I think this is pretty common with breakups. It's like because that feels so... Finally, you know, you're still clinging on to the person.

That's hard. It's hard because for a friend, it feels so objective. Just do it, right? Right. It's easy to say. Because the friend's not invested in those emotions, right?

Yes. Yeah. Yes, exactly. But that's kind of a different episode for a different day. Yes. So then you said, can't you just mute him then? And then I said, I should, but I can't even bring myself to mute him, right?

Yeah. And then I said, do you want to talk about it more? And you said, honestly, I don't have it in me right now. Right. And that, that can be really common.

I mean, maybe tons of people have been talking to you about it and you've been crying and it's hard and it's just like exhausting to go over the same things over and over. Um, so yeah, it's a good example of when you might not have it in you. Yep. This is another common human situation.

Giving bad news or taking a step that feels like you're cutting yourself off from something can be really hard in life. This is how to say it, right? Exactly.

Guys, check out the episode of All Learns English. It's called Learn Roughly Five New Ways to Stay Broad in English. Yeah. And yeah. takeaway for today.

Oh gosh. I mean, again, another very human emotion, human situation. And I think we've all been there. Yeah. We've had lately, we've had a lot of very human moments that we've been covering on the show and showing you guys exactly what to say in those moments.

So take these skills you're learning on Allers English, focus on connection, start a conversation, be there for someone, right? Be there to support them in a moment like this. Yeah, exactly. All right, Lindsay.

Well, it was good talking to you about this today and I'll talk to you next time. All right. Take care. Bye. Bye. See you next time. Starting a business can be overwhelming.

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