AEE 2624: How to Talk About Housing Costs Without Sounding Rude

This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2624, how to talk about housing costs without sounding rude. Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times. Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection.

With your American hosts, Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl. coming to you from Colorado and New York City, USA. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe.

Should you ask someone how much their home costs? Today, find out the answer and how you can ask this question in a more indirect way to avoid being rude in English.

Hey, Lindsay, how are you? Hey, Michelle, I am excited. How are you doing? I'm good. Lindsay, have you ever been really surprised by how much someone has paid for their home?

Maybe a celebrity or someone you know... Well, it's not people I know because I don't usually know exactly how much people paid for their home. But when I look at houses that have sold, I'm very surprised by the prices, at least in Denver. And I think, are these houses really worth that price?

I'm not so sure. Yeah, it's interesting how sometimes you'll see, oh, what could you get in another part of the country? Oh, gosh. A brand new house and then in a, it's just, it's location, location, location, right?

So if it's in, you know, a really hot spot of the country, it's just going to cost more and you're probably getting an older house. Some people are okay with that. So there's trade-offs. Huge tradeoffs.

And then you have to think about the city you're in. Is it an up and coming city or is it past its prime? Because sometimes I worry about Denver. Denver was really hot in between like 2010 and 2024, I think.

Like a lot of people moved here during the pandemic because they could work remotely. Yeah. But now I don't know what the future of Denver is. I don't know if it's going to be in as much demand, but the prices haven't come down.

You know, it's not like they're coming down. So it's tricky when you make a purchase. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, their housing prices are different all around the world.

And like we said, even in the US, so like a two bedroom in New York is going to be much more expensive. Yes. than one in the suburbs. A two bedroom in New York is going to be probably more expensive than a new construction in, you know, North Carolina.

I don't know. North Carolina is an awesome place. Yeah. No, no, no. I was saying like, even a, even a major city like Atlanta is going to be a lot cheaper than, you know, you could probably get a house in Atlanta for what you pay for a two bedroom apartment in New York.

It's crazy. Yeah. I'm excited to get into this topic today. Yeah, well, so we had a listener who was curious about this topic, and asked us a question.

So this was from YouTube. And it's from Richard Ramirez 5746. So Lindsay, what was his question? He said, hey, you should talk about housing costs in the US.

All right. I'm excited because guess what? These are the conversations we're having with our families, with our friends, our partners all the time. I'm constantly having this conversation with my partner because we want to buy a new home, but we're just not sure if the pricing makes sense right now, you know, like I said before.

Yeah. Yeah, it's really hard. It's really hard to know. And, you know, you have some people who then they get in. I mean, I have friends who when the interest rates were super low, they bought and they're like, we're never moving.

Exactly. Do you know those people? Or are you one of those? Yeah, one of those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're like, I mean, I have friends that's like, so I mean, mine isn't low, but but it's okay.

But yeah, you know, for my my friends, they're like, we cannot move like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And isn't it really interesting that it's okay to talk about interest rate, your interest rate, but it's not okay to talk about the price of your house because that also factors into the price of your house in a major way, which is fascinating. True.

Yeah, no, no. And it's also, I think, kind of okay to talk about your property taxes and how much those are. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, today's episode is going to get into some aspects of social norms in American culture, what's okay to talk about what's not, and actual numbers here of what's going on in the housing market in the U.S. Big topic today.

But we will do our best to give our listeners some great takeaways and tips. Yeah, this is going to be very interesting. So, yeah. We're going to answer the question.

We're going to talk about how to discuss housing and prices naturally. It's normal to be curious, but Lindsay, if I said to you, Lindsay, how much did your home cost?

What are you going to... I would be shocked. I would be shocked if you asked me that directly, Michelle. First of all, it would feel rude. I don't think you would ever ask me that, knowing you.

And I would never ask you that either. It's way too direct. Yeah. So there are other things that we need to do instead to build connection, to ease into this conversation.

Maybe ask the question a little indirectly or find the information elsewhere, but you can still talk about the status of housing in your country or your city. You can totally talk about that. It's just asking directly how much did your home cost is just, is a little too private. Right.

And also think about why you're asking. I mean, are you just for fun? You want to know you want to kind of feel out, you know, how much money your friend has? Or is it actually because you're considering buying in that area?

And you actually need that information for some reason. So that's interesting, too. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it would if we did have this out in the open, like people are trying to push salary transparency in the same way, it probably would be helpful because we could know like what is like, you know, I guess you'd have to then know someone's salary though to understand is it reasonable for someone to make that purchase, right?

You'd have to know the whole picture. So I don't know what that goes into this. Yeah, guys, remember to hit the follow button or hit subscribe if you're watching us on YouTube so that you never miss any episodes from us.

Yes, exactly. So first of all, let's just break it down, Michelle. Let's be clear with our listeners. As of 2026, how much does the average house sell for?

Now this is average. So we're taking into account South Dakota and New York City and everything in between. Yeah. Yeah. So average is $410,000. And where is this from, Lindsay?

So this data came from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis. Now, what about the average rental? Because a lot of people are stuck renting because of interest rates having skyrocketed in 2024, right? So they wanted to buy, they weren't able to, and then the prices went up because the interest rates went up.

So how much? Yeah, for rental, the average rental is almost $2,000 per month. Yeah, that's from Zillow. Yeah, Zillow. Yes, exactly. So do those numbers surprise you, Lindsay?

Do those sound about right? No. Yeah, they sound about right. They sound about right. Obviously, in Denver and New York, you're not going to pay an average of 410k for a house, like it's going to be higher.

But again, national average doesn't give you a whole lot of valuable data, I guess, just because there's such a wide range between. Right, exactly. There's outliers, there's, you know, things totally messing with the data. Yeah, for sure.

So but yeah, so yeah, the price varies depending on where you live in a city and in the suburbs. Also, yeah, what is the size is a studio, a one bedroom, two bedroom.

And also then for rentals, if it's rent controlled. Yes. Yes. And that's a thing in New York more so than, I didn't see much rent control stuff going on in Boston.

I know in New York you have rent controlled, rent stabilized. We can go into that another day if we want to be really specific. But yeah, a lot of things, location is the biggest thing, I think. I think so too.

That can determine within a given city, you know, how desirable is that area, right? Yes, exactly. Mm-hmm. If you're ready to start your business, go ahead with the platform for entrepreneurs.

Shopify helps you to start, run, and spread your business. With innovative themes you can build your brand, marketing tools let your products fall, and integrated present solutions to save time for entrepreneurs and growing businesses. Both online, personally, as well as on the way. Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you.

You can find your period of 1 euro per month on Shopify.eu. Yeah. So, Michelle, where can we take this episode for our listeners to give them some tangible skills? Right.

So, as we said, you know, a reason that you might want to know what your friends are paying is if you're looking to buy or rent. But again, asking directly, this could be very cultural, but in the...

um, American English in the U S it's not really polite to just say, Oh, how much did you pay for your house? Although I will say that I feel like the rent question is a little more. Okay. Don't you think like, Oh, how much is your rent?

I feel like for some reason, right? It's a little different. It's a little bit different. For some reason, it's a little less intrusive. I still would be careful, but you're probably more likely to feel okay asking people about that than how much they paid for their home.

I don't know why. Maybe because it's a market, right? The rental market as opposed to you're buying this home, you're taking this on as an asset. Yeah.

I mean, it's more intense to buy a home, right? It's way more intense. And also rentals may be temporary. So I think overall, if you're trying to decide if you should ask or not, even with rentals, probably try not to.

But I do think that I am more likely to be like, whoa, so yeah, how much does the rent? And that feels less invasive. So kind of interesting there. oh there are some caveats so we're i think michelle and i you and i both agree that we probably wouldn't ask someone directly how much did you pay for your house yeah although i did survey a few people and got some answers of yes they would they do and they have asked their closest friends like their lifetime friends and they have conversations about how much money they make too with those friends oh right like so they cross the norms cross the um yeah the social blocks no i don't talk about that with anybody yeah

Yeah. So, so it's a bit of a little personality intertwined here too, but in general, I think our advice is don't go there. Yeah, exactly. Um, so yeah.

Um, and you know, but you can talk about cost indirectly and see if somebody offers that information naturally. So let's talk about how you might do that. Um, so yes, you know, you can give them a window into the pricing converse conversation. So what might that look like?

It's basically complaining, right? So I have this conversation like three times a week with people, right? So rent has gotten so expensive lately in Denver. I know, right?

Yeah. Or here's another. It's so hard to find a decently priced house right now in New York. I know the market isn't the best, but I hear it's improving this year.

So, yeah, like it just might open the door. Like, oh, if you're saying rent has gotten so expensive lately and I might say, I know, right. And then it's possible that could lead me to say, yeah, mine, you know, it was this much and now it's this much, right? So, but it gives that person an opportunity to decide if they want to say something or not.

Yeah. Instead of asking them directly, because that's just very awkward when you ask someone something directly that's breaking a social norm. Um, and then here's an even, we're getting slightly more direct with our indirect questions here with this next one, Michelle. Um, what, what could be another thing we could say?

Yeah. Were you happy with the deal you got? So let's say somebody just bought a house. Yeah. So here I can decide whether I want to give you the information of what I paid or not right here.

I'm going to give it to you. Yes. We ended up paying 300 K, which was just under the market rate. And 300 K is 300,000. Right. Right. Yeah, 300. Right.

I mean, but with like that, that is an interesting, that could be a whole episode, you know, um, how, how we do shorten numbers and it's implied what it is, right? Like we ended up, you could even just say we ended up paying 300 and we know it's thousand because it's a house, right? So that kind of would be an interesting direction to go on. Sure.

Now, so this is for, we will give our listeners the direct question. If you feel you're super close to someone. And if you feel like you have a special exception to the social norm of not asking this, right?

So we will give you the language, but we just want to warn you 99.9% of the time you want to avoid this. Mind if I ask, how much did you pay for your place?

Oh, not at all. We paid $2.50 just under the asking price. And again, be careful, guys. Yes, exactly. But there are other ways to talk about housing without asking the price.

So as you talk, like we said, they might volunteer that information, but this gives them the choice. So you could also ask about location or lifestyle.

Yeah. So for example, do you live closer to downtown or further out? Yeah. we live about 30 minutes from the city and that could lead into just a deeper discussion and that information could come up.

Yeah. Right. And sometimes it's usually like housing prices are higher, a little closer into the city. I mean, I personally don't think downtown Denver is all that attractive, but the prices are high down here.

The condo prices are high. I don't think they're worth the money. I would rather live like where I live is just a few miles up in a, in like a, It's still in the city of Denver, but there's a park and it's like not right downtown.

And maybe it's just personal preference, but because downtowns are so condensed, they will be more expensive most of the time. Don't you think, Michelle? Yes, absolutely. Or here's another thing I could also say, what neighborhoods would you recommend living in?

I like Eastwood or Harbor District. They're both safe and have a nice community. Okay. So here we're kind of talking around the topic and then housing preferences is something else you could ask about.

Yeah. So what type of home are you looking for? I'm hoping to find a three bedroom. Yeah. Or are you thinking of a house or an apartment? Oh, definitely a house and with a yard.

Somewhere the kids and the dog could play outside. Oh, it sounds so idyllic. Yes. I know. It's very nice. Yeah. Or you might even ask someone like if they're searching for an apartment or searching for a house, you might say, oh, are you guys looking to buy or rent?

Yes. Yes. Love it. Yeah. So these are a lot of questions. We could do follow-up episodes on how to talk about the housing market, how to talk a little bit more about like pricing just going up so much in the US, the pain points here that Americans are having conversations about every day, right?

Maybe we'll do that. Maybe we'll do a follow-up episode. We'll see. But let's do a role play, Michelle, shall we? All right. Yeah. So here we are friends and you just bought a home and I am house hunting.

Okay. How's the house hunting going? I've been looking on Zillow, but prices are all over the place. I know. I was originally hoping to stay in the city, but I couldn't afford to.

Although I'm really happy where I am now. Oh, yeah. You're over in Willow Creek, right? Do you mind if I ask, were you happy with the deal you got? Yes.

I paid $400, which is great considering the market right now. Okay. That's not as bad as I expected. Things in the city are closer to $600. Exactly. You should consider coming this way.

We could be neighbors. Okay. Yeah. And we should let our listeners know we had a little chat about this before we got on the mic. A lot of what people do now to figure out how much their friends paid is they just go to Zillow or Redfin and it will show you the closing costs, right?

Yeah. The total... that you want to snoop around yeah that frankly is what people do yeah exactly you really want to know that shows you how much of a cultural faux pas it is to directly ask right right yeah true but it's yeah it's funny how that information is just right out there So, yeah, I said, do you mind if I ask, were you happy with the deal you got?

Right. So this is our nice indirect question. I didn't have to say how much I paid. I could have just said, yeah, we got a pretty good deal. We got lucky.

Right. And that would have been end of story. Totally fine. Just because someone's asking you an indirect question and you know what they're actually asking, you don't have to answer it.

Right. Yeah, exactly. So, but this is, uh, this stood out to me, Lindsay. So I'm curious to your opinion when I said, okay, that's not as bad as I expected.

What do you, what do you think about that? Do you think like, I don't know. Do you think perhaps the person might be like, well, to me, that was a lot, you know?

Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. But we are comparing. Yeah. It's a good question. I guess there's subjective how it feels to pay that amount of money on a house, but then there's also the objective, this is the market and this is what you can get these days for your money, right?

So I've been looking a lot online on Zillow and seeing what you can get in Denver for certain amounts of money. So for me, that comment would just be a little bit objective. I'm surprised that price was possible. Right, right, right.

So I don't think I would feel offended. Yeah, yeah. Just curious what you thought about that. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. There's a lot here. We could go into this another day.

So if you guys want a follow-up episode, let us know. Maybe we'll come up with something because there's a lot more here around just how housing prices are causing a bit of a crisis right now in the U.S. for average families. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

So another big purchase you might make is a car. So this was part three of a series we did. It was episode 2558. It was Let's Talk About Cars Part Three, Essential Car Vocabulary.

So definitely check that one out and the other episodes in the series. All right. Great topic today, Michelle. We'll talk to you very soon. You have a good day.

All right, Lindsay. Have a good one. Bye. All right. Bye. See you next time.