AEE 2618: Should You Call a Man Sassy? Gendered Words in English

This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2618. Should you call a man sassy? Gendered words in English. Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 200 million times.

Are you feeling stuck with your English? We'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing on connection, not perfection, with your American hosts, Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, and Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer. coming to you from Arizona and Colorado, USA. And to get your transcripts delivered by email every week, go to allearsenglish.com forward slash subscribe.

Today, we dive into the heavily nuanced word sassy. Find out exactly what it means, when to use it, and who can be called sassy. Listen in today for tips on gender and vocabulary.

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Go to allearsenglish.com slash fluency score. That's allearsenglish.com slash F-L-U-E-N-C-Y-S-C-O-R-E. Hey, Lindsay. How are you? Hey, Aubrey. I'm doing good.

How are you? How's it going? Awesome. I am so excited for this episode today. Do you know anyone who's sassy besides me? I'm definitely sassy. Yeah. I don't really see the sassy side of you as much at work.

That's true. I'm not sassy at work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually have some guy friends that can be a little sassy at times. Nice. Definitely. My favorite Peloton instructor is very sassy, actually, Cody Rigsby.

But yeah, if I need to be, and sometimes my humor is a little bit sassy for sure. Love that. Love that. I mean, it puts a little spice into life, right?

It just makes things fun. And if it's part of your personality, then you probably own it fully, right? Definitely. Yes. And we got a great question about this.

And we've also, I've had a few questions about this in our community from our listeners. Shout out to Kayo. I remember asking about this for sure because we have Sassy Saturday episodes. And so I've had students ask like, what does that mean?

Or they'll look it up and then have questions, right? It's kind of a strange word and it is sort of gendered in English. It's a little gendered. It's fun.

So the listener question comes in from YouTube, though, this particular question. And shall I just read the question, Aubrey? Yes, absolutely. Okay. So the listener says, this is from Gagi Kanchenyon.

Hi, super ladies of super podcast. Is the word sassy, can it be used by men or is it only for women? Yes. And then while I was preparing this episode and looking for future ideas, I saw another question from YouTube from Gianluca Maria Lecce.

And they said, great chat. Can sassy be a synonym of fancy when talking about clothes? So we get a lot of questions about this word sassy. We are going to dive into it today so that out there listening, everyone knows how to use it because it could be tricky.

Yeah. You wouldn't necessarily want to call just anyone sassy. Could be an insult. Some people could be offended. It's a bit of a tricky word. It's a bit of a tricky word.

And I think about the sassy magazine that came out, you know, you remember in the 90s? I forgot about that magazine. Yes. There was a magazine called Sassy Magazine.

That was my first exposure to the word, I think, when I saw that in the grocery store, on the racks. And this is interesting because many words take on a gendered meaning in languages. They can mean one thing for women and something different for men that could be negative or positive. And if you accidentally use these words negatively, you could break a connection.

The other person might feel offended or sad or hurt. So we definitely want to make sure that you have all the details about this one. Interesting word. Yeah, we're going to take on this real nuanced word here today.

So guys, come along with us on the ride and make sure you don't miss any future episodes of All There's English by hitting follow on the podcast player. Or if you're in YouTube, go ahead and hit subscribe because we like to approach these more challenging topics, these more nuanced words. We know you guys are ready for nuance so that you can build more connection. Okay.

Exactly. So let's first dive into that first question. Can sassy be used to talk about men? We shared a few men we know who are sassy, but it depends, right?

Yes, for sure. So the answer is, yeah, the question is, can it be used to talk about men? Yes. I mean, I give an example of a couple of guy friends that I have that definitely I would call sassy.

And they would probably call themselves sassy. They totally would 100% especially like with each other in their group right sometimes it's playing off of each other in a sense but really just I would only use this in the right tone and context right you probably wouldn't say this about your boss at work unless that were part if let's say if it's a man unless that were part of his personality and really wanted he acted that way Right.

That's what's interesting because this listener is right that it is more commonly used for women. So we'll kind of go over the terms here. But so for a man who is more masculine, identifying as a more masculine man, he might not want to be called sassy because it is in general considered a more feminine term. Yes.

Yes. And I would say these particular friends, I will just say that they're a little, maybe a little bit more in touch with their feminine side at times. And that's kind of where it makes sense to use the word sassy. That's what I'll say about them.

They're just a lot of fun. Yes, exactly. Right. So definitions wise, when you're referring to a woman, sassy means like spirited, bold, quick witted. It's usually quite positive, but it actually can be an insult.

Yes. It's like a kind way of insulting someone that you think is overly spirited or bold or loud or it's tricky, right? Yeah. Unless they are owning that.

Like with the example of my friend, they would not be upset about that description. They would say, of course I am. It really depends. If a person self-identifies as sassy, awesome.

If not, and they say something and you're like, wow, that was sassy. And your intent is a little more to criticize or call them out. That's where it could potentially be offensive. This is where the nuance is.

Right. This is extremely nuanced, Aubrey. Exactly. So what about for men, right? This can mean essentially the same thing, but it can be used to insult a man if they're not more feminine presenting or more in touch with their feminine side.

Then saying that a man has feminine traits shouldn't necessarily be insulting, but the negative sentiment is there and a person could be offended. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It also depends on the tone of voice you're using to call someone this.

So if you say, oh, you're sassy, aren't you? Right. If it sounds really negative and judgmental for anyone, probably wouldn't like that. Exactly. Exactly.

So again, it should be playful and not judgmental if you do deploy this word. So for example, did you see his response in the text thread? Yes. He can be super sassy.

I love it. Nice. Yes. The tone there is very playful and fun. I'm clearly talking about someone who would also call themselves sassy, right? There's no judgment there.

Absolutely. Or I met your coworker earlier. He's sassy, isn't he? Keeps me on my toes. Love it. Love it. So again, there's real nuance here. Be careful.

If you think someone will not want to be called sassy, don't call them that or it will be an insult. Exactly. If that's your personality, you're trying to deliver that, then fine. That's your choice.

But just know that you're delivering an insult if you know they won't want that. I think a good pro tip is if you hear someone refer to themselves as sassy, then you could say it in a very playful, fun way. If not, I would wait. And if someone hasn't referred to themselves using that word, then I wouldn't.

And there are some synonyms, some different words we could use instead, like witty, fun, or energetic. These really mean the same thing. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, absolutely.

Sometimes sassy can also be used to describe our pets around the house. Like sometimes Keeper can be sassy. Cats are often very sassy. Cats are even better.

Keeper is kind of a cat in his personality. So like, he'll kind of like listen to you and decide whether he wants to take your, you know, your request or just ignore you and then walk away with a side eye. You know, that's a sassy dog. I love it.

right? You're like, okay, he's given us some sass. We also use it that way. It's a noun. So sassy is the adjective. And then we can also say that, right?

But yes, it's true. We say this for animals a lot too, if they're giving you a little bit of attitude. Or kids maybe could act sassy, right? Absolutely.

My daughter, my youngest daughter is very sassy. And sometimes she talks back. So sometimes if I say, you know, stop sassing me, we use it as a verb too. Don't sass me means don't talk back to me, you know, speak respectfully or don't give me sass means the same thing.

Interesting. I feel like my understanding of this word, just even as a native speaker, has become more nuanced as I've gotten older. Like I feel like when I was a kid, maybe your teenager's age, I only saw it as a negative thing, right? Like this just means attitude, right?

But now I see it as... Some people want to be sassy. They're trying to be that way. It's a way of expressing themselves. Absolutely. And maybe gender identities in some ways too.

I agree. I think this has evolved as we've become more tolerant of gender identities. It is a positive thing to me now. I love someone who's sassy and who owns that.

And I think that's becoming more and more common that we don't look down on this so much, especially if someone's self-identified that way, then we can realize it's just fun. Sassy people are fun. Yeah, because our cultures kind of come around to accepting people a bit more. I think we always have.

I guess American culture has been more likely to accept someone that's different, but more and more so over time, like someone that's just willing to be themselves. We love that. Absolutely. Yes, I agree.

And to quickly answer the second question that Gianluca sent in, sassy can be used to describe clothing, but it has a very similar meaning to the word sexy and the same gender implications apply. So all of this applies with if you're going to call a dress sassy, recognize that it has the same meaning as calling it sexy. Is this someone that you want to call their clothing sexy? If so, I wouldn't.

If not, I wouldn't call it sassy. Yeah. So let's go back to Sassy Saturdays. Why do we label our Saturday episodes, which I love, by the way, and we're never going to change.

It's fantastic. And if you don't know what we're talking about, you probably haven't subscribed and you're missing that we also have episodes on Saturday. So be sure to hit follow so you don't miss those. Definitely don't miss those.

And why did we choose that little nickname for our Saturday episodes? Yeah, because look at the synonyms we shared there. Witty, fun, energetic. Those are the other ways that we say sassy.

And that describes our episodes. Exactly. Plus, it's a double alliteration, which everyone loves a double alliteration. And it just works. So perfect.

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So Aubrey, let's see what else. What are some other words that actually have a gender connotation? This is one aspect of this word we have to know. It does have a bit of a gender connotation.

Definitely. And there are a lot of words like this in English. So we're just going to share a few here. One is sensitive. For women, this is often expected, right?

Sometimes it is used a bit dismissively, but women are sort of expected to be sensitive. So then often if a man is called sensitive, it can be positive, meaning they're a deep thinker in touch with their emotions. It can be negative. If they're being called overly emotional or reactive, a man might be offended or a woman, anyone might be offended if they're called sensitive.

It just so much depends on the context. What is the topic you're talking about? Yeah, better words. Go ahead. Yeah. Empathetic, defensive, or reactive.

I mean, I think reactive definitely could be considered negative for sure or defensive, but empathetic is a nice one, right? But if I am being reactive, I would rather someone call me reactive than sensitive because they're making this emotional connection there that might not be there. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I was called... I think I shared this on the podcast, some other episodes, but I almost got locked out of my house this morning. I was trying to get into the house and the code wasn't working.

The battery died on the code. And so I definitely started crying. You probably would too if you're frustrated. Yes, it happens. I think I'm going to spend the whole day in the hallway with my dog today.

Well, and sometimes that just happens if a person hasn't had an emotional outlet recently. Sometimes I just need a good cry. So it's good to watch a sad movie. Totally.

Otherwise, I'm going to end up crying in a hall because I'm locked out. It's going to happen sometime. That's really what it is. That's really what it is.

It's got to come out at some point every two weeks or so. So, you know, what better time? Soft would be another one. So here, you know, women, what do you think, Aubrey, for calling a woman soft?

It's really interesting. I think in the same way that sassy has really evolved, a lot of these words have evolved as well. Once upon a time, most women would have had no problem being called soft. It would sort of mean like gentle.

It would often be like a compliment. But a lot of women now don't want to be seen as soft. We're more assertive and we're proud of our independence. So I would avoid this one.

I think it often will be more of an insult for men as well. It would mean like weak. or overly emotional. So I think better words are calm, kind, thoughtful, caring.

All of those have a more positive connotation. Right. Or just choose to comment on some other aspect of their personalities, right? Right. That too. Yeah.

I agree. But I don't mind someone calling me kind or caring. Soft sounds like an insult to me, whether you're saying it to a man or woman. Totally agree.

Yeah. Wimp also, big insult. Yeah. Right. And whether it's for a woman or a man, I don't want to be called a wimp. And it might be if someone dares me to do something and I don't want to, they might be like, you wimp.

It means you're weak or scared. And there's just, you know, we just shouldn't be insulting someone's strength. So there isn't really a kind way to say this. I agree.

And then the word manchild. Now, I will say that this is popular right now. It's trendy. I will say I'm not above calling someone a manchild. I just haven't done it directly to their face.

I wouldn't say it to someone's face. I think it was a Sabrina Carpenter song. There's like a popular new song, manchild. I think it's Sabrina Carpenter.

I'm not positive. Out there listeners might be like, no, it's this other pop girly, you know? Right, right, right. But yeah, this is an interesting word.

It's really for men only. And it means childish. They can't take care of themselves or that they're not handling their emotions. Yes. Yes. All the things, I guess the emotional status that you would expect of an adult, they haven't gotten there for some reason.

Right. Yeah. And this is used like, for example, if people are, two people are dating and they get ghosted, they might, and they might call the man a man child because what they're saying is this person is, you know, they want to insult them. They're upset about their behavior and they're calling them immature really.

Totally. That's a good example. And so I would never say this directly to a person's face. This is only for women, by the way. Sorry, for men, by the way.

You wouldn't say this to a woman. It doesn't apply. I wouldn't say you're a man child. And there's no female equivalent. We don't say woman child or girl child.

There's really not. But it's better to be more specific. You know, you're irresponsible, inconsiderate. You're not very emotionally aware. Right. I was trying to think of a female equivalent.

We do just say a child. You're being a child. That could be said to a man or a woman. And what you mean is you're being immature. Yeah. Interesting. Immature is a frequent one.

I think I would hear too. Yeah. Really interesting stuff here. So a bit of a what not to do episode, as you said earlier, Aubrey. So let's go for it. So let's do a role play.

Yeah. Let's do it. You are training a new male coworker and you are venting about them to me. Okay, here we go. He's so sensitive. I was trying to give him feedback during the training and he could not handle it.

Oh, what do you mean by sensitive? Like defensive? Exactly. He got so upset. Honestly, he's just a bit soft overall. Hmm. Maybe it's better to say he's reactive.

True. That's probably a more accurate way to put it. But honestly, he might just be a complete man child. Well, I definitely wouldn't give him that feedback.

Yeah, you're not going to say that to a coworker. I kind of love this role play because we have all been there where we're in this conversation where someone is using these gendered, insulting terms, and it's hard to know how to respond. You want to let them know I'm not comfortable with the language you're using, but it's really uncomfortable to say that directly to a coworker. So we have some good options here instead.

Yeah, that's a really good point. We're getting a lot out of today's episode. Wow, a lot. This is really a power-packed episode today. So going through what we said, I said, oh, he's so sensitive.

And you said, what do you mean by that? Do you mean defensive? Right. So instead of being like, oh, I know, right? Or that's crazy, which would condone your use of this sensitive, I'm pushing back, right?

I'm sort of saying like, I don't know if that's the best word to use, and I'm giving you an alternative. Exactly. And then I said, honestly, he's just a bit soft overall. Here I come with one of the words we don't recommend.

Yeah. And then I sort of did the same thing where I say, maybe it's better to say he's reactive, right? So I'm basically without saying it, I am implying I don't agree with the use of that term. Yeah.

How about if you say this instead? Right. But in a very professional, polite way. But I'm not getting the memo here, Aubrey. I'm just not getting it because I say, but honestly, he might just be a complete man child.

And then I just say, well, I wouldn't give him that feedback. Don't say that to his face. And then I probably would excuse myself, right? Because I'm like, I would be uncomfortable at this point.

Someone's venting to me about a coworker using these inappropriate terms. But we do find ourselves in those situations sometimes and you need to know what you can say.

100%. I love it. Really good. A lot in this episode today. Guys, go over and check out episode 1826. Do you use these derogatory gender adjectives in English on the same kind of same vibe as today's episode?

This was from a while back. So you could either search 1826 in the app, come find it on our episode. But we shared different words like shrill, I remember was one, an adjective to describe a voice that's more gendered. We talked about several different words that we didn't cover today that are sort of gendered in English.

So be sure to check that out if you don't remember it or if you missed it. Yeah. Aubrey, where should we leave our listeners? Great question. I think a lot of our listeners have wondered about this word sassy and others.

It is tricky, especially with terms that are associated with a certain gender. You need the right tone and context. You wouldn't say them to just anyone. We have some pro tips here about when to know what to say.

What can you say if someone says one and you don't feel comfortable with it, right? Very tricky. Yeah. Wow. Really good. But again, it comes back to connection.

If you're going to use the word sassy to describe a man, make sure that man would appreciate and say, thank you. I know I am, right? I know, right? I love it.

Wait till they call themselves that. Yes, exactly. Go for it. That's what it is. I think that's what all of these words are about. Make sure that what you're saying would make them feel happy if they heard you say that, right?

Because we want to avoid hurting people in the world. Absolutely. Yeah. It's about connection. If you're hurting someone, you won't be able to connect.

You got it. Good stuff, Aubrey. See you next time. Have a good day. See you next time. Bye. Thanks for listening to All Ears English. Would you like to know your English level?

Take our two-minute quiz. Go to allearsenglish.com forward slash fluency score. And if you believe in connection, not perfection, then hit subscribe now to make sure you don't miss anything. See you next time.